The Move...aka Das Boot on Dryland. Part I.

As some of you fine folks may know, I hate moving with a passion and vitriol I usually have reserved for: "the bookstore that shall not be named", white supremacists, and jam bands.  Moving is the paragon of Murphy's Law.  It also takes such a toll on my body and spirit that I often am filled with the desire to burn everything I own and run half naked down the street, screaming in tongues. 

One of the major hurdles so far has been the clusterfuck that has been dealing with Advanced Apartment Movers (1-800-580-1183).  These guys are the reason we are a day behind schedule.  Apparently this company is "famous" for leaving people high and dry.  On the 25th they were scheduled to be at the apartment between 2 & 3pm.  Okay.  4pm.  I called, "Yeah, we're running behind schedule.  A move has taken longer than we scheduled.  We'll be there ASAP." 5pm...6pm...no word.  I call again, "Yeah, I haven't heard from my crew, they should have been there by now.  Let me get in contact with them and I'll get back to you."  7pm.  I haven't had contact from Wayne (the guy I've been on the horn with all day) or the movers.  I call again.  Wayne - "I don't know where my crew is.  They haven't answered their phone.  I'll contact you as soon as I hear anything."

Now, I'm a nice person and trying to be understanding, so I'm like yeah, yeah, okay, no worries, these things happen...even though I've been eating fucking Tums all day.  8pm, I call Wayne again and tell him, "Listen, let's just call it a day.  I need the movers here first thing in the morning."  No problem, movers will there in the morning.  Fine.  Amanda and I go get sushi and watching Iron Man 2.

9am 05/27/10.  No word from Wayne or movers.  Call, leave message.  9:30am, no word, call leave message and say I'm taking my business elsewhere.  Frantically call around...and contact Nacogdoches Moving & Hauling (936-552-4616).  I give Gary, the owner, the lowdown and he automatically knows that Advanced Apt left me high and dry.  He loves them because thanks to their shitty service he gets a lot of business.  Gary says he can have a crew out by the afternoon, no problem.  When they were running a little late, Gary called and told me that they were running late and would be there at 4pm.  Bam, 4pm they are there.  Those folks were lifesavers (as well as Amanda who was in charge at the old place while I got things squared away at the new place).  They were moving machines, even though they had been busting ass all day in the Texas heat.  Gary called later to check on how everything had gone and to offer some advice on getting Amanda moved. 

Live and learn, right?  The next time I have to move (which will not be for years, knock on wood) I am calling Gary and his crew.  I whole-heartedly recommend doing the same.

Amusing asides from the moving events:

• 2pm 05/27 - while napping most heartily I am woken up by the phone.  It's fucking Wayne with Advanced.  He says that his crew is in Nac and do I still need movers?  I was so sleep-funked and confused that I couldn't even really respond past, "No."  I'm calling the Better Business Bureau when I get settled.
• Note for moving in Texas heat (I'm doing this next time):  buy a case of water and put it in the fridge well in advance.  The movers and your own body will thank you.
• Amanda said Moxie was in the carrier on the bed and was thrashing around and rolled the carrier (and herself) over the edge of the bed.  Moxie is smrt.

That's all for now.

Quite clearly he has gone insane.

In a frenzy of grinding, mashing, and controlled flailing a new spice mix has been created.  Granted, this is just the foundation.  By my estimate there will be about twenty spices and chiles in the final product.

We shall see, I found a great place to order from: http://www.myspicesage.com/ .  It looks like a good site and is very user friendly and reasonably priced.

Idle thoughts about religion.

Had a visitor come in today, nice guy, looked around and before he left he handed me a Jack Chick comic and said, "Have a bless'd day" and I replied, with no sarcasm, "Hey, God bless you too."  He said that I was lucky to work in such a nice museum and I agreed.  Very pleasant interaction.

So, while I was eating my potato salad I read "This was your life!" - the Jack Chick comic - and thought, "Huh, this has some interesting stuff in it."  Now before some of you start jumping up and down, I take my interpretations of Scripture with the grain of salt I take everything else in life.  If/when people ask me my religious beliefs I reply, "Agnostic Christian, polytheist, animist, with Hare Krisna leanings."  I like to hedge my bets.

I figure though if someone is nice enough to wish their God's blessing upon me then I should be graceful enough to say thank you.  Now if someone tells me I'm gonna burn if I don't toe their line then they can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.  I think that's part of the reason I like the Krisna's so much.  They're pretty chill.  Plus I love the vague look of amused confusion they get when I say "hare krinsa".  One time I donated five bucks to a Krisna and we got in the world's politest argument.  He wanted me to take a copy of the Bhagvada Gita, I said I have a copy, consider my donation strings free, and back and forth.  If I had the money I would have donated another five bucks just to make him take my five bucks.

Meh, idle thoughts.

p.s. If you laugh at me for being an animist think about the last time you yelled/pleaded/coaxed your automobile into doing your will.

Out damned spot! or adventures in choosing a washing machine.

I know, I know...I never post and then I crank out a bunch that could be one uber-post.  Well, tough.

Once upon a time I used to joke (and still probably do, since I tend to repeat jokes sixty million times) that the American Dream for my generation was reduced to not having to go to a laundromat.

So my new apartment will have connections for a stackable washer/dryer thingy.  I started poking around on the internet, like ya do.  I saw some stacked units (huh huh huh) on bestbuy.com for over a thousand bucks.  Are you fucking kidding me?  For this you want a thousand dollars?  Feh.

Then I was curious what washer/dryer combos ran for.  Aha!  I saw the Haier HWD1000 Combo Ventless Washer and Dryer - White for closer to $500.  I'm actually very tempted to purchase one of these bad boys, considering the large number of good reviews it has received.  However, I am leery of "combo" items (like a vcr/dvd player or a crib/deep fryer).  When one thing breaks the whole machine is fuct.

So then I was thinking, hey what about just a washer?  I can hang my knickers off the balcony to dry.  Then I got to searching for portable washers.  "Perfect for boats, RVs, and small apartments!"  Well, shit, that sounds okay for my needs.  I found the Haier 1-Cubic Foot Portable Washing Machine.  It looks might it might work pretty well.  It's not like I'm going to be washing sixteen towels or anything drastic.  Hell if I need to there's an on-site laundry at the complex.

Again, if anyone has suggestions/comments/or ideas, I'd be glad to hear them.

Is it curtains for our intrepid hero?

I wanted to run with a bunch of continual puns a la "classic" Batman but couldn't make it happen.

Another peculiar aspect of moving is the thought of curtains.  Now I'm as comfortable with my domestic side as any 21st Century civilized man (hell before this DIY craze, most of the women I knew couldn't cook, clean, or sew for shit) but the idea of curtains is pretty Martian. 

I think part of my enmity towards drapery is having to hang the bastards up.  I also get confused by the multi-layered curtains - that gauzy stuff.  While the voices in my head tell me to put black trash bags over the windows or tin foil or simply spray paint the window panes I realize that might not be...well, very nice to look at all.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna go all Laura Ashley or Patrick Bateman.  Any readers have any ideas or suggestions?

Maybe I'll just nail up random pieces of lumber a la zombie invasion...hmmm...post-apocalyptic chic...

Thoughts on moving. Part 1.

It's kind of peculiar packing everything.  I think you folks might know what I mean.  There you are, dusting things that haven't been dusted in years, digging through accumulated paperwork and assorted crap.  You ask yourself, "Why do I have take-out menus from that crappy Chinese restaurant I used to go to five years ago?  Is that place even still open?"  Sifting through the detritus suddenly becomes an archaeological effort.  In the back of a closet you find a box, still taped shut from the last two moves marked "Misc. Crap",  part of you wants to open that box and rummage around - you have no clue what could be in there.  However, the greater part of you, covered in sweaty dust and harboring a mild hatred of all this shit you lug around, realizes that whatever is in that "Misc Crap" box can stay sealed. 

Then you start playing a peculiar mental game - what can I box and what do I need in the meantime?  If you are particularly nutty you can pretend the Soviets are invading and you're only grabbing the essential items.  Apparently when the Soviets invade I will keep out the director's cuts of The Lord of the Rings so I have something to watch while hiding in the wilderness. 

I've been putting off the kitchen and clothing.  84.26% of all other belongings are tidily boxed away but I've been pussy-footing around the clothes and kitchen.  I pulled out all the fancy dish packing material from the last move and placed it in the "moving staging area" of the living room.  Boxes are waiting.  And...1,2,3 go!  Or not.  I love packing books, cds, vinyl, etc., etc. but the kitchen just pisses me off to no end.  I end up wishing I had a clay pigeon launcher with which to catapult plates and dishes off the balcony or at the old bitch who makes shit smell face when she sees me.  I'm seriously considering only taking my cast-iron skillet, my Le Cruset, the rice pan, my pasta pot, my knives, silverware, my Indiana Jones glasses, my dinosaur bowl, Pyrex, and one or two other items and the rest can go.  Then I will buy shit that matches.

One of the most startling things I've realized is that for the first time I've been looking at my belongings with a critical eye.  I am most certainly going to keep my classic movie posters but I don't want to put them up unless they are framed.  I also think I will drift away from the "wall of crap" decorating style.  Plus if I only put up framed items, price limitations will be a pain in the groin.  I've found a few sites for awesome frames
(poster and comic).  Frameitagainsam.com has some sharp looking multi-comic frames I might pick up for my Punisher, Nick Fury, and Sgt. Rock favorites.  Rockartpictureshow.com has both vinyl and comic frames, plus I like the cut of the guy's jib so I might have to order from him, pus his prices are competitive.  The poster frames are gonna be a hassle because my three original posters (The Taking of Pelham One, Two, Three, The French Connection, and Dark of the Sun) are larger than modern posters (otherwise I could just go to walmart and pick up some cheapy frames.  Dear Santa, I have been better than I have been in last years...mostly...will you please send me poster frames.

More news to follow.  Wish me luck.

Absolutely brilliant.

see more Funny Graphs

Tinkering with builds...suggestions welcome.

Well, since I hit 80 I realized I needed to switch my builds around (fortunately I have dual spec).  I also spent a good chunk of time last night remapping my controller and keyboard.  Hopefully I can remember what I mapped where (HINT: Don't remap your keyboard when drunk).  The only downside to this build is I am going to have to practice my moobs off.  It would probably help if I had some macros too.

Here's my 31/6/34...I'm still tinkering (35/2/34).  I also have my favorite 51/13/7 but I don't think that'll hold up in PvP.  I'll try it, who knows...

Affliction Talents - 31 point(s)

• Improved Corruption - Rank 5/5
• Improved Drain Soul - Rank 2/2
• Improved Life Tap - Rank 2/2
• Soul Siphon - Rank 2/2
• Improved Fear - Rank 2/2
• Fel Concentration - Rank 2/3
• Nightfall - Rank 2/2
• Empowered Corruption - Rank 3/3
• Shadow Embrace - Rank 5/5
• Siphon Life - Rank 1/1
• Shadow Mastery - Rank 5/5 

Demonology Talents - 6 point(s)

• Improved Healthstone - Rank 2/2
• Improved Imp - Rank 1/3
• Demonic Embrace - Rank 3/3

Destruction Talents - 34 point(s)

• Improved Shadow Bolt - Rank 5/5
• Aftermath - Rank 2/2
• Molten Skin - Rank 3/3
• Cataclysm - Rank 3/3
• Ruin - Rank 3/5
• Intensity - Rank 2/2
• Destructive Reach - Rank 2/2
• Backlash - Rank 3/3
• Improved Immolate - Rank 3/3
• Emberstorm - Rank 4/5
• Conflagrate - Rank 1/1
• Soul Leech - Rank 3/3

Major Glyphs:

• Glyph of Quick Decay
• Glyph of Conflagrate
• Glyph of Corruption

Something awesomer than WoW.

I was going to start this post about how I reached level 80 with Scoville in WoW, however...

Fallout: New Vegas is scheduled for Fall 2010.  Warcraft?  What Warcraft?  On one hand I hope I can import characters but on the other I'd love to start a new one, especially if they have new skill trees.  I thought kolaches made my day...this really makes my day.

Yes I love Lady Gaga and for one simple reason...

Waaaaaaaaaaay back, in 1985, when I wasn't even ten, but Madonna was top of the pops, you couldn't punch a radio preset (if you had one) in the low 90s without hearing Madonna in a sixty-minutes of rock without commercial interruption.  So, I imprinted on Madonna.  Part of the reason I still go to clubs where men dance with men is because you can hear Madonna at club loud levels. 





Lady Gaga has a 21st Century spin that I love.  Yes, I think I am saying that she might be...no I'm not.  No one will be the new Madonna.  However I love Lady Gaga, the songs, the image, and just the "I'm a freak bitch, baby" value. 




And then there is this monster.  Which, kind of is...

Apocalypse Meow...updated...

Back in the early 00s, when I still read manga (primarily because I was ordering all of it for the manga section of B&N 2853)  I brought in Apocalypse Meow, a brilliant manga series (written and drawn) by Motofumi Kobayashi.  It was an anthropomorphic Vietnam comic.  The illustrations are crisp and the stories heartbreaking.  Now maybe I've been too long out the loop but seeing Cat Shit One as...modernized...makes perfect sense and Lord knows I've been waiting for an anime like this...but...

I wish that Catshit One aka Apocalypse Meow was still set during Vietnam.  There was a peculiar mixture of: classic American Vietnam movie archetypes, deep grounding in historical context, and Motofumi's brilliant characterizations. 

That being said, I can't wait to get my paws on Cat Shit One.

p.s.  Motofumi also did a series called Dog Shit One which is not anthropomorphic and brilliant.

p.p.s. Pick up Motofumi's Apocalypse Meow not just for the manga but the rich historical notes.  Vol 1 has a glossary and in-depth annotation re: weapons of the USA, SVA, and NVA.  Later volumes contain notes about the politcial plays going on outside the region. Plus the Chinese advisors are Pandas.

WoW News: Starting a new guild on Fizzcrank.

Unfortunately Followers of Eli (the guild I have been a member of ) is dissolving.  This is a drag but it is what it is.  So, in a fit of madness I am starting up a guild.  The name will be Hooligan Youth United.  Here's the rundown of what I'm thinking:

• The name Hooligan Youth United doesn't have anything to do with age, race, or gender.  The concept is simple - punk rockers, rude boys & girls, SHARPs, goths, rivetheads, hard-rockers, and assorted folks outside the social norm.  You don't need to be a member of any of those groups currently.  Hell, I'm not a youth by any means these days and I've gone pretty square.
• A social/casual/levelling/learning the ins & outs of the game guild based around standard rules of Mr. Rogers.  Don't make Mr. Rogers sad.
• I'm not going to be spamming for charter signatures, I have three right now and will be trying to hustle for more.  What with finals and moving perhaps this isn't the smartest time to do this but I figure if there's no rush.  We can have folks who are worth having in a crew and not space-monkeys interested in hand-outs.
• When all is said and done, Hooligan Youth United will not be a baby-sitting service or a soup-kitchen or a gold-teat to help you get a new ride.
• Any suggestions, ideas, questions, comments are welcome and appreciated.

So yeah, there we go.  Anyone interested?  I will be lurking around Fizzcrank most evenings so drop me a line.

p.s. This is an Alliance guild.

p.p.s. Here are the potential tabards:

Cogs!

Hooray Beer!

KMFDM, the way I remember them:

These tracks kill facists.

I'm not particularly feeling...well. So here's a bit of rage.

In non-review, non-food related - life of Joshua news:

Just a personal update:

In case you haven't heard or haven't been told for one reason or another: Amanda is moving to "The Peach State" a.k.a. Georgia (yes the state not our cat) for Grad school.  I am going to finish out my undergrad here in the Great State of Texas because I like SFASU.  That means things are gonna be a bit crazy for the two months for us. 

My phone number and electronic contact information will stay the same so if you need to get ahold of me you know where I am.  I will be moving into my new apartment with Moxie the last week in May and will send out my new address ASAP, which - knowing me will be 2031. 

To shred or not to shred:

I don't know about you folks but I think about spicy pork a lot.  Pioneer Woman Cooks has a good recipe.  This one seems a little...white bread.  The foundation of mine came from Robert Rodriguez's Ten Minute Cooking School.  Over the years it has changed and developed based on the factors of: what I have on hand, what new spices I have burning a hole in my pocket, whether the wind is Southerly, and my sobriety.

There has been one change I have maintained though, my pork isn't shredded or pulled or left in chunks or rough chopped.  I cut the pork into cubes initially and then let everything cook until it becomes almost the consistency of dense, chunky chili. 

Now before you get all uppity, I love pulled pork more than I love ham, and I fucking love ham.  If there's one major problem I have with the great state of Texas it is that they are not real hip to the swine.  That being said, I am also a sauce man (preferably on the side in the case of pulled pork) and simply adroitly drizzling some au jus over the pulled or shredded pork with pinkie extended just doesn't hack it for me.  No sir.  While it may look prettier plated and food pron atmosphered, with Giata cooing over it I think that's a crime. 

For me pulled pork is mayhem food, an orgy of feeding during which I use my arm to wipe my mouth and I get sauce in my nose (See also: Joshua and the Destruction of the Crawfish, Joshua Attacks a Giant Pile of Crabs, and Joshua Nearly Bites Off a Finger While Eating Ribs, Vol 2).

In order to really get that melding of meat and sauce I believe that whatever method you use to cook your pork, return it to the pot after chopping, slicing, dicing, pulling, or shredding.  Get every damn drop of goodness mixed in with the meat (the dregs of it can be mopped up with bread).

This is my favorite stage because all the chunks can be mushed with a wooden spoon to varying degrees.  Lower the heat even more, go have another beer (or two), smoke some smokes, and voila.  This is also the stage I make my sides - usually rice.

I prefer my method over plain old shredding because no matter what the shredded always kind of end up dry and brittle or gloppy and flacid.  Plus it loses something from the pot, don't get me wrong it's still swine and I'll still eat it.  I'll just take my portion back to the kitchen and throw it in the pot goo. 

p.s.

Enough with the cumin.  No mas.  It makes everything taste like generic Mexican food.

Chile stuff.

So for the upcoming Phi Alpha Theta potluck I plan to make spicy pork.  Though I may not make it as infernal as might for others I do plan to bring a bottle of bhut jolokia vinegar.

I still have a whole bunch of ghost chiles just sitting around, menacing everything else in my spice cabinet.  I figure it's time to put them to good use.  Ghost chile vinegar to give the spicy pork an extra kick.  nom.

A reflection on Easter and a declaration of moritorium on "Zombie Jesus".

I usually don't spout off about religion on HYR but a conversation me and the missus had this morning has me thinking.

To begin with I am declaring a moritoium on the phrase "Zombie Jesus".  It's not cute, it's not original, and it's about as pithy as any other trite hipster t-shirt logo.  It's not simply a matter of a dose sacreligious smirking, it's rather rude. 

The underlying reason that "Zombie Jesus" irks me is because it to me that the term is (often) used by people who purport the practice of religious tolerance.  You can't pick and choose what you're tolerant of.

I guess this all might sound a bit weird coming from me who has about as twisted, inappropriate, sacreligious, and filthy senses of humor as they come but for some reason this made me get on my soap box.

Personally I'm your standard late 20th Century grab-bag of religious beliefs kind of guy, an amalgamation of: Protestantism, Buddhism, animism, and a good bit of folksy superstition thrown in.  I have interests in religions around the world, etc, etc, etc. 

I'm not sure if I really understand Easter completely.  Yes, I know the story of Easter and the gross commercialism involved and qua qua qua but it seems like such a morbid holiday.  Come to think of it Christianity is pretty morbid, what with all the martyr worship.  I think I am missing a piece of the story so if anyone feels like explaining you're more than welcome to. 

In any case, Happy Easter no matter how you feel about the holiday.  Eat some candy, hug your kids, have something good to eat but please, stop saying "Zombie Jesus".  Now if you absolutely have to call someone a zombie call Lazarus a zombie.

GameCrush - PlayDates? - Camming for gamers?

I saw mention of a new social networking site aimed directly at gamers and thought, "that's cool".  Then I read a bit more and thought, "Is it like match.com but for gamers?  What a sausagefest."  Then I read more and it's actually a site where you pay for a "PlayDate" ($6.60 USD for ten minutes) with someone...so...it's a...?

"SAN FRANCISCO – March 23, 2010 GameCrush, now available in public beta, introduces an entirely new interactive social gaming experience allowing gamers to meet, match and pay to play online games with other users (PlayDates). GameCrush is the only online service that allows gamers to choose a companion to spice up their favorite online games. Both Players and PlayDates define the experience they want- either “flirty” or “dirty”, choosing from some of the most popular console titles and casual web-based games. To register for free, visit www.gamecrush.com."

So, it's a thinly veiled cam site?  Brilliant, I wish I had thought of this years ago.  However, there's something that sticks in my craw about the operation.  While I would join a facebook for gamers there's just something...I can't put my finger on it.  There's something rotten in Denmark. 

Now I'm not opposed to anyone flouncing their goodies for good old American dollars (or Euros or yen) for an ultimately empty act of voyuerism.  Maybe I just prefer a separation of gaming and smut (a la church and state) and there's an extra touch of sadness to gaming/cam, sort of like calling a 1-900 just to have someone to talk to or hiring a hooker to play MarioCart with.

Discover Simple, Private Sharing at Drop.io

HYR Cooks...impending recipes of madness?

As many of you fine folks may know I have dipped my toe into the waters of North African spices and condiments (ras al hanout, harissa, etc) but I might be one verge of attempting to try my hand at some dishes.  I was poking around and saw tajine; a cooking device that lends it's name to the dish(es).  Basically a variation on the ubitquitous dutch oven/slow cooker using a melange of spices and good stuff along with any number of variations of meat, veg, starches, etc.  So...it's North African stew?  Sign me up, though I might be more inclined toward chicken than lamb but it's been years since I've had lamb so...tastes change right?

Here's a recipe from Paula Wolfert for Tunisian Egg and Parsley Tagine that sounds brilliant.

Dead Snow (2009) Dir. Tommy Wirkola

Dead Snow is a Norwegian movie that had fallen off my radar until about a week ago when a friend and I were looking up zombie movies - rather I was looking up zombie movies with Nazis in them.  It has a good amout of humor in it and a solid amount of gore.  It wasn't a great movie but the production quality was top notch, the acting was solid, and by in large Dead Snow was far superior to a lot of the undead crap I've seen lately.  Certainly worth watching but not quite as good as The Bunker.

Add:

Calling Dead Snow a "zombie" movie is somewhat incorrect.  The baddies are more along the lines of revenants a la "The Fog" or any movie with vengeful spirits than shambling wormfarms.

In other news:

Hooligan Youth Reviews is almost up to 16,000 views since going live on 02/15/07 and just shy of 600 posts.  Thank you to everyone who reads, checks on, or links to HYR.  I may just be another crackpot on the internet but I'm your crackpot on the internet.

Thanks to Warcrack I am woefully behind on any other game releases.  Of course I haven't even touched my 360 console in weeks.  Hopefully in the next few months I'll be caught up and will be able to write some more of the reviews you have come to love (like a one-eyed three legged dog).

My cooking has pretty much gone to crap lately.  Again, in the next few months I hope to remedy this.

Any questions, ideas, advice, assorted goodness?  Well let me know.

Thanks again folks, like the Nanny says:

Thirty days of Warcraft, Spring Break marathon, and hopefully a return to regularly scheduled programming.

So I blew past the thirty day marker on Warcraft this week.  It was Spring Break/hide from the world and wear jammies week as well.  Here a few observations:

1. Warcraft was designed by diabolical masterminds who have in their employ people who worked on government mind control projects and the people who invented crack.  Of course I joke but this is a game that has an addiction level like no other I've played.  Perhaps the addiction level is the same but there's no end in sight, there's always just one more x,y, or z.  Warcraft's reward system is brilliantly designed.  Each goal is tantalizingly out of reach but ultimately completing the goal is empty because here's the next carrot.
2. Warcraft has been a welcome escape from my personal life.  While this is not the appropriate forum or time for such a discussion, let me just say it hasn't been a sun-warmed basket of fluffy kittens.  People on Warcraft are, on the whole a fairly nice bunch, and thanks to the blessed anonymity of the Internet and a "toon" ("toon" is the in-game term for your...sigh...avatar), it is fairly easy to get along with people.  Plus the ability to simply block having to listen to any dipshits from chat avec "ignore" is a blessing.  I also have also found that I am a fairly humourous individual and oddly enough play well with others as long as they aren't being pricks, trolls, gloryhounds, or SHOUTERS (a.k.a. people who type in all caps).  I do have a tendency to be kind of a jerk about there, their, and they're and appropriate usages.  Once I simply refused to understand what someone was saying because of their grammar.  Childish I know but I think I was drunk.  Probably was times being what they are and things being what they are.
3. I think I should have gone with an RP (role playing) server instead of a PvE (Player v environment) server.  While I wouldn't go all Ye Olde Renn Fairre Forsoothing, it would be kind of fun to do some good old fashioned role-playing d20 style.
4. My new personal favorite dungeon quip, "Are they bringing pancakes?"  in reference to being alerted to the presence of something big and hurty.  The best reply I've gotten is, "Yes, but you have to beat the pancakes out of them." followed by a conversation about what type of syrup the monsters bleed.
5. I managed to beat my goal for Spring Break of passing level 50 (as of last night I was up to level 52 or 53).  Now I'm staring down the barrel of 60.  Bastards.
6. Followers of Eli are an awesome guild though sometimes I wonder when people sleep.

And there's more but mostly in-game quibbles that I won't go into.  Will I keep playing for another month?  Probably, but will I be a long range player?  I dunno, I guess that remains to be seen.  Until then, if you're on Fizzcrank look me up: my main is Scoville and my alts are Bessler and Capsaicin.

New character...

Day 10...

A quick update on my WoW travels.  I promise I will post some real posts ASAP (probably about Dragon Age)...

• Bessler is up to lvl 32, has a tiger named Mittens and a giant snapper turtle named Tabasco.
• I have taken to wandering the highways and byways
• I joined The Followers of Eli, a 244 member guild that's got some pretty reasonable folks in it.
• I got the living bejebbus scared out of me by my first encounter with a Horde faction member.  I was running through Westfall and ran over the crest of a hill.  There was a big gnarly looking dude on a big gnarly looking mount.  fortunately he just menaced me and didn't turn me into dead.
• I am thinking of starting a new character, possibly Horde.  I dunno...

Day 4 of WoW.

"Man, you are in the Bell Jar!"

Well, my Dwarven Hunter (Bessler) is Level 17, on the Fizzcrank server, a Crocolisk named Pequin, a cat named Orange Tabby, formed a guild called Hooligan Youth Unite and has a beer stein for a hand weapon.  I have learned the hard way that I can't just can't run into any area.  I have died...a lot...and then died more trying to escape areas like the Badlands. 

Day 1 of HYR in the World of Warcraft.

Yesterday I got home from work and downloaded the free trial of World of Warcraft.  Besides pausing for beer and smoke breaks I pretty much was glued to the computer for a good couple hours. 

So, is Warcraft the end all be all game?  I don't think so.  I am not used to PC controls (thank god I found the link to hook my 360 controller to the PC) so there are several controls/camera issues which should be fixed soon.  As far as character customization I didn't see anything super special.  The game looks good though the characters are a bit...cartoony is a word I've seen bandied about and I have to agree.  As far as story or plot I have no idea what's going on, who's who, but then again I'm fresh off the truck.  The quests, at the level I am are standard step'n'fetch, get me this, get me that, I want, I want quests.  You why NPCs just stand around in games?  Because they have people to do shit for them.  NPCs are digitized managers/shaolin delegators.  I also wish there was an icon or something to let people know that you are soloing.

So those are some gripes.  On the other hand I like being a stranger in a strange land.  I don't know what's going on, who anyone is, the customs and norms, and in some cases I don't know what the hell people are talking about.  While gameplay is pretty simple to pick up it's all the other stuff I need to learn and I like it.  Exploration and discovery is what I am about and Warcraft has it.

I think I might go onto the Role-Play section of the game and play a Dwarven Hunter/Mountain Man.  Antisocial and somewhat deranged, only entering town to sell pelts.  We shall see.

HYR 2010: A new computer and forays into the world of MMORPGs

So I finally (finally!) got my school money and was able to pick up a new computer: Gateway DX4831-01e package deal.  I spent a good chunk of time last night tinkering with settings and deleting crap I didn't want.  I didn't know Best Buy put in a program to set up my programs for me.  No big, I just 86'd it.  There is still tinkering and fine tuning to be done.

I am still having a bit of trouble figuring out what MMORPG I want to play.  I am looking at Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning.  At the very least I will give the trial a shot.  Of course the Warhammer 40K MMO is still in the creation stages otherwise I wouldn't be having this debate. Then there's Star Trek Online which I am curious about but I don't know if I can become a Trekkie at this late date.  Bioware's Star Wars: The Old Republic is pretty sweet but is not out yet (or even close according to some).  Then there's The Lord of the Rings Online...cue Aragon's theme...

Once again, any readers out there with comments/suggestions please let me know.

Scars are sexy, especially on video game characters.

I have to wonder why there are only two games - that I have encountered - where you can scar up your character during creation Mass Effect and The Godfather.  I wish I still had a copy of The Godfather (PS2) so I could take a picture of my goon character who was - according to Amanda "hard to look at".  I would say he looked like he used his face to cut down the ugly tree.  My new character in Mass Effect is fairly beat-up looking as well, with a potato nose, deep facial scars, and acne scars as well.  My previous female character was fairly attractive but also had scars, though I noticed that female character creation have fewer gnarly looking scars than males.

I think that having the ability to make a beat-up looking character is as important - if not more so - as being able to make some Adonis/Venus.  Personally I don't want to my PC to be a Ken doll. 

Mass Effect 2 almost final thoughts and a new character is created...

Well I polished off my first playthrough of Mass Effect 2 last weekend on hardcore.  I enjoyed it very much.  The universe is safe again...for now...dun dun dun.  The last section of Mass Effect 2 is actually one the better endings to an RPG out there, even though it's a cliffhanger.  I'd love to discuss the plot and what happens to characters but I don't want to spoil it for anyone else.

I decided to begin a whole new character in the ME-verse and downloaded Mass Effect.  Last night I created "The Inquisitor" - a ruthless Earthborn adept with nothing but disdain for xenos and weakness in humans.  I'm gonna play him pure Renegade (my other character is a Paragon...for the most part).  He's a really ugly fucker, scarred and beady-eyed, with a potato nose.

Now the first time I played through ME I was kind of disappointed.  This time around I am really enjoying myself and have been noticing some remarkable differences between ME and ME2.  The main difference is in the first game there's a great deal of control over your character's skills, armor capabilities, combat prowess, even what kind of upgrades and gizmos you can equip on weapons and armor.  Personally I love tinkering with my character and equipment - it goes with the territory of being an RPG-hound and is still one of favorite things about Elder Scrolls IV. 

In comparison there is minmal tinkering with any item, armor, or character in Mass Effect 2.  Sure you can upgrade weapons and armor to a certain extent, however you cannot change any character's armor.  You can equip some different types of armor on your PC but once you get decent armor you never change it again.

This may sound like a petty argument to most of you but I view it as one of the downsides of blockbuster games.  In order to make a game accessable to the masses (no pun intended) fiddly elements (item selection/equipment/character stats) need to be streamlined.  In some cases it works, in ME2 skills and biotics are far easier and faster to use than in ME.  However, removing in-depth customization of a character and their gear takes a major element of challenge out of a RPG, tactically and otherwise. 

I will make one more complaint about ME2.  There ain't grenades!  There are grenades in ME!  Jeez, Bioware - did the grenades not test well?

Okay one more gripe, squad control stinks and especially stinks in comparison to ME. 

More reviews to follow re: ME & ME2

ps: the story of ME2 is truly great and one of the best I've ever played through despite gripes about gameplay.

Mass Effect 2 (2010) Bioware, XBOX 360: First Impressions in five hours

Mass Effect 2...I don't even know where to begin this review.  My review of Mass Effect was generally so-so.  I enjoyed the game but wasn't overly impressed.  I only really started getting excited about ME2 while playing the hell out of Dragon Age: Origins.  ME2 is a different animal than DA:O though both games were made by the same company.

Here are some of my first impressions (good and bad in the first five hours)

1. Jennifer Hale is back as the female voice of Commander Shepard.  Jennifer Hale is one of my all time favorite female voice actors. 
2. ME2 is shockingly gorgeous.  While there are some problems with human character's mouths looking a little weird everything else is astounding.  The alien races are totally believeable and in some cases, horrendous to look at.  The evironments keep making me stop and look around like some hayseed who just left Tattooine. 
3. Scanning planets instead of driving around in the MAKO makes me very happy.  Systematic scanning with a grid method?  Planet mining?  I don't like those things, nooooo.  Snickering when I see a planet's status after mining listed as depleted?  Not me...
4. Combat is pretty intense.  Insanely enough, Bioware managed to perfectly capture the thrill of 3rd person actioners in an RPG.  Two tastes greats that taste great together?  Damn right.
5. Downside to squad control:  I haven't gotten the mechanics of moving the squad around as easily as with tactical shooters - leap-frogging the squad and getting squaddies into postition.  Personally I'd be content to use them to draw enemy fire. 
6. Upside to squad combat:  So far I've only had to minimally baby-sit my crew.  What's cool is that they are just using their skills without me having to poke them with a stick.
7. Here's an insane revelation: ME2 has a cover system that works in combat.  No really.  I need more combat time to really get the mechanics of it but so far I am very pleased.
8. Story, voice acting (all characters), and the characters themselves (human and non) are top-shelf.  I am really looking forward to expanding the story.
9. I worry about game length.  Mass Effect I tore through in forty hours.  That being said, Mass Effect 2 is two fucking discs.  Two.  Dos.  Aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesome.

Metro 2033 Story Trailer = AWESOME!

Hooligan Youth: new and improved Rogue/Ranger in Dragon Age: Origins (XBOX 360)

Note: Yes, I did use the Ostagar cheat up to level 20. Okay here's my newest new new (maximized?) character: Moxie Rogue/Ranger Strength: 20 (Considering that the Felon's Coat only needs a Str 20 to equip this seems reasonable.  Medium Armor requires up to Str 34 for the good stuff. Dexterity: 36+ (The Rose's Thorn requires Dex 30, the four best longbows require Dex 34.) Cunning:  22 Constitution: 20 (any left over points will be dumped here) Willpower: 20 Magic: whatever the base score is, not wasting points here. For skills I am taking: Ranger (because having a Giant Bear as an ally is always a good thing) Traps aka Booty Traps (Leliana has poison, Morrigan has potions so why bother wasting points on those skills?) Nature: It's not just for paving over anymore. Pickpocketing (aka "What has it gots in its pocketeses?").  Apparently you can pickpocket to your heart's content with little/no consequence. For armaments I am going for the tried and true longbow and instead of going for two hand weapons I am staying truer to class and wielding daggers.  Too bad they aren't throwing daggers. More news to follow as I progress.

Dragon Age: Origins tips and tricks (mild spoilers) and character creation musings...

So last night I started a brand new character in Dragon Age: Origins.  I also deleted almost all of my other character files.  Additionally, I am going to leave the difficultly level at Nightmare. I have come to the realization that crafting in Dragon Age: Origins is pretty much pointless, unless you create a character who has no combat skills and can only wear the very lightest of armor.  One of my character files was a craftsman, building traps, poisons, and had the ranger/summon animal ability for back up.  I think that may work for some games, in particular a non-party based RPG, but for DA:O it's not a practical skill set.  Sure, you can stealth up to the enemy area, set up traps, chuck a grenade at the baddies and then haul ass back to the party ambush but it's often just as easy to have "clobberin' time".  Plus I got sick having a total wuss as a character who spends more time running away than anything else. Maybe I haven't taken full advantage of the tactical skill sets but most of the time I can have a crew that will put a serious dent in whatever they come across by just sending one poor bastard out in front and having the rest hang back and shoot or spell cast. My new character is yet another rogue.  This time I specialized in the following: Dirty Fighting, Combat Movement Below the Belt, Deadly Strike, Lethality, Evasion Deft Hands I-IV Combined with two hand weapons, dude can slice and dice with the best of them (especially once I get my hands on some better equipment). I also shifted Alistair over to the two hand weapons speciality instead of sword and shield.  Snikity-snak. I will see how this plays out.  I might end up having a rogue based team (Mr.Joshua, Leliana, Zevran, and someone else - maybe Morrigan or Wynne) just to see how it plays.  It might be a bit squishy but I might also have some tactical fun with that set-up. Either that or I might just start another character.

Darksiders (2010) - Vigil Games

Darksiders is a must play.  Not necessarily a "must buy" or "sell a kidney" but there's something about the game that is very damned enjoyable.  There's some plot about something, something balance something, something player character is The Horseman War  something, something...whatever.  You're a gnarly ass-kicker who is regaining his powers in order to put the hurt on the big bad guy. Playing the game is really fun.  Yes, ripping demons and angels apart with swords, scythes, and other goodies is fun.  Sure it will remind you of other games but Darksiders has taken the well done elements of games and crafted an experience worth having.  The puzzles get head scratching combing a newly learned skill with previously learned skills.  The boss fights can be frustrating until you find their weakness.  There are gates to open, gates to close, things to push, climb, etc.  Some how the folks over at Vigil Games have made it seem fresh and fun.  Darksiders isn't an easy game per se.  Some of the platforming sections pissed me off but only because I am not great at platforming sections.  Other parts of the game have made up for it though.  In particular, one part involves closing a gate by defeating a large number of foes - basically an arena fight.  However, each gate requires a different goal and each goal is made easier or more difficult depending on which weapons you have at your disposal.  Simple variation, huh, keep gameplay fresh, who'da thunk?  I'm only about a third of the way through the game.  I had to take a break last night to play Dragon Age: Origins RTO and wolf down some food.  Plus one jumping sequence made me want to punch myself in the groin.

Sherlock Holmes (2009) Dir. Guy Ritchie

Truth be told I wasn't expecting much from Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes.  I have only recently begun to like Robert Downey Jr. .  Ritchie's movies are hit and miss for me - more often miss than hit.  That being said, Sherlock Holmes was a thoroughly enjoyable ripping yarn.  I walked out the theater thinking damn I wish I could buy that just for the special features. I don't have anything bad or critical to say about Sherlock Holmes.  Hell even Hans Zimmer's score is on my list of albums to pick up ASAP.  I just had a lot of well needed fun watching Sherlock Holmes, genuine action movie going fun.  Hell, I'd watch it again now if I could.

Dragon Age: Origins Return to Ostagar XBOX 360 DLC (Spoilers)

I downloaded Dragon Age: Origins Return to Ostagar last night.  For the price - about four bucks - the content is pretty awesome.  As far as length it's comprable to one of the character origin stories.  As far as loot it's pretty damn cool.  Sure you can recover the late King Cailan's armor but - more importantly - you can recover Duncan's Sword and Dagger.  I started up - yet another - entirely new character who I hope can be my final and all encompassing character. DA:O - RTO is an awesome download for the price.  Well done Bioware.

Level Caps: Yay or nay? I say Yay.

I'm not sure who first introduced "level caps" in RPGs but I have to admit that I like them.  There are two particular reasons I like them: I love tinkering with a character and attempting to come up with the perfect balance of stats/skills/weapon emphasis for my final goal. I do not love demi-god characters unless the enemies can match the player in terms of skill/power/dangerousness. Having a level cap with opportunities (sidequests/loots) to boost skill points is my favorite balance that has shown up in Bethesda games and to certain extent Bioware. Additionally having a fallible character makes for more exciting gameplay/role playing experience.  As an in-game looter/kleptomaniac I tend to lean toward an archaeologist (thief/rogue) type of character but I never beef up my character's strength enough to carry huge amounts of loot.  Also I rarely end up in heavy armor, etc etc etc.  With a level cap I have to be more careful with what skills I take and how I distribute attribute points.  Without a level cap I can put points wherever I want and end up some kind of uber-mensch able to carry eighteen suits of armor, twenty-two weapons, and enough healing potions to open my own Red Cross.  Where's the fun in that?  What do you folks like?

I declare a moratorium on:

Voice-overs in films and intrusive narrators, especially in a Noir gravelly tone. I used to love it but in all honesty it's swung back to cliche again.  No mas.  Fin.

Franklyn (2008) Dir Gerald McMorrow

Had this on the Netflix queue and watched it last night with the missus. i hadn't heard anything about it but the premise sounded interesting and Eva Green is in it so, why not? The premise is thus: In the futuristic Meanwhile City, a masked vigilante (Ryan Phillippe) seeks out his nemesis while in contemporary London, an art student (Eva Green) attempts to kill herself, a heartbroken lover (Sam Riley) looks for someone new and a father (Bernard Hill) searches for his son. Writer-director Gerald McMorrow's sci-fi drama follows these desperate individuals as their lives become intertwined by fate. Franklyn is a split reality movie that reminded me of Clive Barker's Quiddity mixed with Steampunk mixed with boring British lines of fate movie.  Perhaps it decided to do one thing or another I might have enjoyed it much more than I did. The Meanwhile City sequences were awesome and if the movie had spent more time in that world I would have enjoyed the movie a great deal more.  Perhaps if the other characters had shifted over to Meanwhile City... The Meanwhile City sequences are neat, rich with detail, and I honestly want to know more about this world.  Franklyn is worth watching for Meanwhile City alone.  Otherwise it's just meh, British people being gloomy.

The Rhyming Chef is one of my favorites.

This is now going to be my knife technique.  Thanks Shaolin Master Rhyming Chef!

Sunday Cooking: A long and involved recipe involving things and stuff and elbow grease.

So while I was snoozing this morning I was thinking about how I was hungry and needed something to eat and about what there was in the fridge. I didn't want biscuits and eggs or ham and eggs or sausage and eggs or anything particularly breakfast-y. I remembered that we had leftover paste I made earlier in the week after cooking a chicken. While “paste” sounds unappealing, I can assure you that it is anything but. It is more along the lines of curry paste but more Northwestern African than South/Southeastern Asian. Let me give you a run down and then I’ll get back to what I made for break fast. I won’t go into the process of slow roasting poultry (again) so we are going to start with end of the process. After roasting your poultry, deglaze your pan with about two cups of chicken stock (or vegetable stock if you want). You’re going to be doing this on the stovetop just to give you the heads up. Don’t worry about trying to do this with your head in the oven. Personally, I do this at a low medium temperature, stirring constantly, and adding all the stock at once. Don’t worry about all the gunk and chunks on the bottom of the pan, keep stirring – gently – and all that goodness will be incorporated into the reduction. Hey look, we’re making a reduction! I love making reductions because I reach a zen point of stirring. Once the stuff in the pan starts looking more appealing remove the pan from the heat and go do something else for about 15-30 minutes. Now get back to the kitchen. There should be a kind of congealed slick on the top of the liquid in the pan. That’s fat from the roasted poultry, skim this layer off. Here’s a trick, use a piece of bread. Then you can eat it or give it to the dog. Fat gone, put the pan back on the stovetop and heat it up again (medium-low heat). Keep stirring, the texture should be getting smoother. Again, the sauce should have the look of something you would want to consume. Here comes the fun part, spicing it up. Now I used some spices most folks aren’t going to have in their kitchen but they are all easily purchased online and are cheaper than buying crap in a bottle in your supermarket. I purchased all of these from World Spice Merchants for less than twenty bucks including shipping and handling. To the reduction add: (please remember that my measures are guesstimates and suggestions) 1 tbsp Urfa Biber 2 tbsp Poivron Rouge 1/2 tbsp Grains of Paradise 1 tsp white pepper Simmer and stir until spices are blended in.  Turn off the heat.  Go do something for 15-30 minutes.  Come back skim off fat, yes again.  Taste, tinker with the flavor, whatever you want to do.  I do not recommend adding more salt, there should have been plenty of salt in the earlier processes. Here's another fun part.  By now the reduction should be at the end stages (about 3 cups of stuff).  Get out your blender/food processor.  Got it?  Pour everything into the blender/food processor.  Hit blend.  Blend the shit out the mixture so it has a very smooth, uniform texture.  Check?  Good?  Now pour the mixture into a tupperware container and throw it in the fridge.  You can also put it several containers and put some in the fridge and some in the freezer.  Ultimately you should have about 2-4 cups of the final mixture. Use this mixture on poultry or whatever the hell you want. Now back to breakfast this morning.  I used a big dollop of the paste (about a half cup?) to saute some onions, adding a little stock to help reconstitute the sauce.  After lightly browing the onions, I added a cup of rice, a little more stock, and some water.  Before I clapped a lid on I added a fistful of diced dates.  Cooked until the rice was done.  Mixed in some crushed walnuts.  Ate.  Added some hot sauce.  It was good and I recommend it to a friend or neighbour. I will make this again but next time I will add the dates in at the end with the walnuts and will add a bit of my capsicum blend to balance out the sweetness.  Sigh, fine, and maybe some salt.

Borderlands: Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot & the Zombie Island of Dr. Ned XBOX 360 DLC

Borderlands: Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot and the Zombie Island of Dr. Ned are the current DLC for Borderlands - the sci-fi RPG/FPS from Gearbox Software that I happen to enjoy the shit out of.  For DLC I have to say that most of the time I feel like the content is hit or miss or maybe I just have a weird concept of DLC. That being said, I had these sitting on the back burner until I got home from the holidays and I needed something to play.  I kicked it off with Zombie Island and had a grand time of blasting the living dead.  I liked the level design and the zombies were actually a threat until I worked out the right combo of weapons with which to make them dead...undead...for reals this time.  An assault rifle with an incendiary mod worked really nicely.  I also got a good deal of play time out of Zombie Island - about eight or nine hours in one go.  I got my money's worth, hit the level cap, and added a few more firearms to the collection.  Very nicely done, oh and the humor in the level is awesomely punny. Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot is on one hand totally wicked hella awesome arena combat.  On the other hand it is a hateful, gruelling Death March of suffering.  Mad Moxxi DLC is a cruel and vengeful bitch, three arenas, each with five rounds of combat...however each round is comprised of five waves of enemies of increasing difficulty.  Add to that, at higer levels a random effect comes into play - sometimes good and sometimes profanity inducing.  Once you are thoroughly castigated by these rounds but manage to complete them a new challenge awaits...twenty rounds.  I've gotten to the twenty round part but haven't made it past round six.  Oh and if you die you get penalized a level.  If you leave to change weapons, tough tittie, you're starting over.  Some reviewers are whining about MMUR being too hard or there's no reward because of the level cap or the wah wah wah.  To those reviewers I say: time to put on your big girl panties.  Video games have gotten soft in some respects.  Do you rememeber when you only had three lives and if you died at the end you had to go all the way back to the beginning?  Or you had to have futuristic Mentat skills (pre-leet ergo no zed) in order to complete some games?  I've never met anyone who fully 100% completed NES Gauntlet and if someone said they did I probably wouldn't believe them.  One reviewer complained there were no achievements...well, too fucking bad, how about pride in one's own self? So if you're not a crybaby and enjoy arena battle royale get this now.

Robocop...I still love you.

RPGS: thoughts, comments, pipe dreams (plus a repost from 10/11/07)

RPGs: A Polemic of Likes and Dislikes I'm going to keep saying this until someone listens and does something proper about it.  Make a proper quality next-gen Shadowrun/Cyberpunk 2020/Dark Future/Marid Audran game.  How hard is this?  We have the technology.  If FASA can put out a piece of crap shooter and slap the Shadowrun label on it...okay, okay to be fair I read Mitch Gitelman, (former?) FASA Studio Manager's blog about the 2007 release and I understand better where they were coming from and will stop pissing on their parade.  Hell who made a game that sold a shitton of copies and who didn't right?  However, I still agree with the folks who called it "Counter Strike with Elves".  I believe that a great deal of my disappointment is that Cyberpunk as a genre would be so awesome in a current-gen RPG format and the genre has fallen by the wayside.  Maybe I should just do this myself. Take a cue from Grand Theft Auto 4 and center gameplay on one city, one big ass totally awesome city.  No ice wastes, no jungle (though a zoo/aquarium would be awesome to fight in), endless opportunities for mission branching, DLC, etc, etc, etc, FUCK JRPGs.  No more Japanese psuedo Miyazaki mumbo jumbo eco-story lines - i.e. A band of misfits must restore the balance and heal the spirit of the life blood of the planet who has been turned into a monster/demon spirit by the evil corporate military-industrial complex that has angered the earth spirit/demon/life force by tapping into the life force/spirit energy and is causing a rift and our band of misfits must heal the wound in the spirit/life force in order to stop the angered demon spirit from destroying everyone and everything and sending all that we hold dear into a spiralling spiral of forgetful sadness. Oh yeah and one or more of the characters are plucky, sassy, and/or are some kind of anthropomorphic girl. Normal fantasy RPGs are boring. I've been playing them for over twenty years and eventually I get bored with the elves, dwarves, humans schtick. In the last quarter of the game I just get bored to the point that I go read a book or go outside or - god forbid - see what's on TV.  Grinding for EXP (see also 5). I liked the fact that I could train in "Elder Scrolls: Oblivion". Mindless, repetitive combat is not my idea of a good time. Idiotic dialogue. You all know what I mean; dialogue written by Ren-Faire castouts or translated by people who learned Japanese through only manga. Dungeon crawling (see also 3). I've crawled through miles and miles and miles and miles of dungeons, caverns, swamps, forests, ruins, temples, and sewers. Enough. Finis. Unless you are willing to spice it up with intelligent puzzles, challenging traps, and monsters - thank you "Overlord" xoxo - don't bother. Step and fetch quests. How about this get your own fucking crap?  "I need, I want..."  What about my needs and my wants?  Right now, I just wanna stick a machete in your head and take what I damn well please. How many of you remember something like this from the ye olde days of gaming? You need a key to enter the Dungeon of Stone. Speak to the gatekeeper in his hut outside the Dungeon of Stone. He is bored and needs something to read, perhaps a book. Where do I get a book? He doesn't know but perhaps the Gatekeeper at the City of Air can tell you. Where is the City of Air? The Gatekeeper of Stone used to know but it has been so long that he has forgotten. Perhaps the Witch in the Forest of Gloom south of the Dungeon of Stone knows how to get to the City of Air. After wandering through the Forest of Gloom you find the Witch's House. Where's the Witch? Why is she not home? WTF! Break and steal everything not nailed down inside and outside the Witch's home. Decide to spend the night in her house. During the night you are awakened by the Witch's pet Ghost. The Ghost says that the Witch was kidnapped by the Shades of the Swamp of Mist. You can follow the Ghost through the Forest of Gloom to the edge of Swamp of Mist but can't show you through the Swamp of Mist because *cue flashback* the Ghost is tied to the Forest of Gloom. The Ghost warns that it is easy to get lost in the Swamp of Mist and mentions that if you had a light you could find you way much easier. Perhaps that Ruby from the Palace of Flame could be useful - it worked in Labyrinth of the Abyss. Equip. Press A to equip. Are you sure? Press A. To use press A. Are you sure? Press A. The Ruby has no energy. Walk back through the Forest of Gloom, past the Witch's house, past the Gatekeeper of Stone, across the Frosted Ice Plain, across the Mountain Peaks of Treachery, into the Halls of Ash, and speak to the Gatekeeper of Flame, enter the Castle of Flame, rest at the Inn, reequip - press A - and get into the Castle of Flame and then speak to His Majesty the Keeper of Flame. He says he'll power up the Ruby just this once. If you need to power it up again he will need a favor done for him. Like you didn't save his Kingdom of Flame from the Iron Beasts and their Digging Machines. Before you leave he mentions that if you him a favor then he will give you a gift. Do you accept? Press A for Yes or Press B for No. Jesus, since I'm here Yes. Are you sure? Press A. Apparently His Majesty the Keeper of the Flame has been having problems with his daughter the Princess of Flame, Ember. She has run off into the Molten Chasm and His Majesty is concerned for her safety. Will you find her and bring her back? Fortunately there is an entrance to the Molten Chasm in the dungeon and here is the key. Dungeon crawl the Molten Chasm. Princess Ember is fighting a Crimson Burrower and is doing well but falls down and you run to her aid. Defeat the Crimson Burrower thanks to Princess Ember's fire magic. Back to the throne room of the Palace of Flame, dysfunctional family dialogue, Ember joins you on your Quest, His Majesty allows you to loot the treasure rooms and gives Princess Ember her mother's weapons and armour. Apparently the Queen kicked ass and died. Reequip, visit the Inn, save. Now what the Hell were you supposed to do?  To tell the truth I miss classic RPGs and am glad some of them have been rereleased for the DS Lite. Dear creators of RPGs, please take my bitching with a grain of salt.  It's just my favorite genre.

Hooligan Youth Reviews kind of sort of favorite/best of video games of the last decade

Since everyone and their Aunt Louisa is doing a "best of" I figured I'd jump on the band wagon with a series of lists of my favorite games, based on genre and assorted goodness.  Please note that these are not comprehensive lists (and frankly I don't enjoy some genres) so don't get your knickers in a twist if I left off your favorite game or genre.  I also listed the console I played the game on, not the best version of the game. RPGS: Suikoden III (2002) Konami - PS2 Dragon Warrior VII (2001) Enix - PSOne Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (2003)  Bioware - XBOX Fallout 3 (2009)  Bethesda Softworks - XBOX360 Final Fantasy VI Advanced (2007)  Square Enix - DS Lite Beyond Good and Evil (2003) Ubisoft Montpellie Puzzle/Adventure: Katamari Damacy (2004) Namco - PS2 Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords (2007) D3Publisher of America-XBOX Arcade Professor Layton and the Curious Village (2008)  Level 5 - DS Lite Carcassonne (2007) Sierra Online Seattle- XBOX Arcade Scribblenauts (2009) Warner Brothers Interactive - DS Lite Stealth: Tenchu 2: Birth of the Stealth Assassins (2000) PS2 Hitman: Contracts (2004) Io Interactive - PS2 Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009) Rocksteady Studios - XBOX 360 Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Chaos Theory (2005) Ubisoft Montreal - PS2 Sniper Elite (2005) Rebellion - PS2 FPS: Deus Ex: the Conspiracy (2002) Ion Storm - PS2 XIII (2002) UbiSoft - PS2 Battlefield: Bad Company (2008) Digital Illusions - XBOX 360 Borderlands (2009)  Gearbox Software - XBOX 360 Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare  (2008) Infinity Ward - XBOX 360 3rd Person Actioners: Freedom Fighters (2003) Io Interactive - PS2 Saint's Row 2 (2008) Volition - XBOX 360 Ratchet & Clank (2002) Insomniac Games - PS2 Silent Hill 2 (2001) Konami - PSOne Assassin's Creed 2 (2009) Ubisoft Montreal - XBOX360 Rockstar: GTA VC (2002) PS2 Manhunt (2003)  PS2 Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne (2003)  PS2 Bully (2006)  PS2 The Warriors (2005)  PS2 Miscellaneous & Honorable mentions: Star Wars Battlefront (2004) Pandemic - PS2 Burnout 3 Takedown (2004) Criterion Games - PS2 Ico (2001) Sony Computer Entertainment - PS2 Disgaea (2004) Atlus USA - PS2 The Godfather (2006) EA Redwood Shores - PS2 SOCOM II:US Navy Seals (2003) Zipper Interactive  - PS2 War of the Monsters (2003) Incognito - PS2 The Sims 2 (2004) Maxis - PS2 Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 (2008) Atlus USA - PS2 The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (2006) Bethesda - PS2 Okami (2006) Clover Studios - PS2 Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas 2 (2008) Ubisoft Montreal - PS2 Disappointments: Indigo Prophecy (2005) Quantic Dream - PS2 Shadowrun (2007) FASA Studio - XBOX 360 Manhunt 2 (2007) Rockstar London - PS2 Puzzle Quest: Galactrix (2009) D3 - XBOX 360 & DS Lite Fallout 3: Mothership Zeta (2009) Bethesda Softworks - XBOX 360 The Halo franchise Make (or remake) these damned games already! Oddworld Stranger's Wrath (2005) Oddworld Inhabitants LA Noire Rockstar Games Freedom Fighters 2 Io Interactive Shadowrun - Melbourne House 1993 An Indiana Jones game that doesn't suck.

Okay...looks like Blogger is having technical difficulties with the site...

I have no idea what has happened but my sidebars and assorted links and fun stuff have vanished from the site but are still visible from my end on the layout screen.  It could be user error or it could be sun spots or the Tamagochi running the server might be taking a dirt nap.  We shall see... (edit) Looks like the problem is with SpringWidgets...hope I don't lose my archived material...

Dragon Age: Origins "Return to Ostagar" delayed and new material coming.

So the new DLC for Dragon Age: Origins has been delayed. Return to Ostagar has, IMHO, limited gameplay which allows for item pickup/fancy gewgaws. However, earlier today Bioware announced a new addition/expansion called Awakening. According to the Bioware site the expansion builds on the game, after the defeat of the Archdemon/rebuilding the Wardens. I am looking forward to this release - March 16th if the Internet is to be believed. Appartenly you can import your current pc or start a new one. Neat.

Land of the Lost (2009) Dir. Brad Silberling

I never understood Land of the Lost but then again I was too young for it when it was on the air and when I finally saw an episode or two it was lost on me (no pun intended).

I have no idea why we rented this. It wasn't awful yet it wasn't good either. It was...sort of bizarre and vaguely surreal and kind of funny but not really funny because the humor was weird...y'know? I think it has the potential to be a cult movie because it has some good lines, bizarreness abounds, and the movie would probably benefit from being viewed while under the influence of illegal substances.

Anna Friel is kind of hot in a weird British way. Apparently she's in a Czech movie from 2008 about Elizabeth Bathory titled Bathory. Huh.

Avatar (2009) Dir. James Cameron

I liked Avatar. It reminded me of a sci-fi novel from the early/mid 1970s (possibly by someone like Robert Silverberg, Joe Haldeman, or maybe Norman Spinrad). Hell, I could even imagine the old Tor book cover for Avatar with some naked blue hot alien/barbarian chick riding some weird pterodactyl thing in a pseudo - Frank Frazetta style.

And that's the extent of my review for Avatar. I didn't like it as much as I love Aliens but liked it much, much more than I liked Titanic. It was good, solid, classic Sci-Fi done complete justice by James Cameron and crew.

Bayonetta & Dante's Inferno Demo reviews

I'm not sure why Bayonetta received a 92 on metacritic. Perhaps there must be a large contingent of SEGA fans who like games with lots of on screen flash and button poking. I however am not one of these people. I was intrigued by the main character who looks like a cross between the Baroness, Lulu (from Final Fantasy X), and Bloodrayne but with all the onscreen nonsense I couldn't ogle her goodies. Gong.

EA & Visceral Games have come out with a demo for Dante's Inferno. I have no idea what to say about this game. Loosely adapted from Dante's Inferno the player has to go to hell to rescue the soul of Beatrice. There's part of me that wants to play this game and there's part of me that wishes that it didn't have Dante's name attached to it. Check out the website, it's actually a cool site. The demo played like a God of War only instead of chains and blades, Dante is armed with a big ass scythe and a cross that shoots...holy light crosses?

Assassin's Creed II (2009)

When I reviewed Assassin's Creed way back in 2007 I was kind of disappointed (and bored) by repetitive gameplay. I was hesitant to pick up Assassin's Creed II for that reason. I was mildly intrigued by good reviews on metacritic but was wrapped up in playing Dragon Age: Origins. I ended up renting ACII a few days ago simply because there wasn't anything else to rent. I am very glad I did because whatever was wrong with the first game has been tweaked or overhauled for this installment.

Assassin's Creed II is - with little hyperbole - an excellent game. There are one or two flaws in gameplay that are just personal gripes otherwise ACII is visually stunning, thematically strong, and many aspects of gameplay are topnotch.

My two gripes are:

1. The combat is good but unfortunately the bar was set too high by Batman: Arkham Asylum. Granted the protagonist - Ezio - is no Bruce Wayne but still for an assassin he's pretty weak in the fisticuffs & melee department. That being said, Ezio's "stealth" attacks are hit or miss but then again this isn't a Tenchu game. Minor gripe.
2. Once you unlock the villa (aka HQ) it's way too easy to get money. Then again Ubisoft probably figured people want to get the good stuff and not have to play Sim-Villa. Again, minor gripe.

On the plus sides:

1. While melee combat may be a pain in the butt the options for avoiding mobs of guards are pretty cool. Throughout the cities are small bands of hirelings: prostitutes, mercenaries, and thieves. Each band has its own skill set to deal with pesky guards. Need to sneak into a guarded area? Hire a crew of coquettes to distract the guards with their "confidence" and walk right in. Thieves are great to hire to deal with rooftop guards and pursuers. I have to admit it makes dealing with the hordes of guards much easier.
2. ACII has a lot to do and varies up the gameplay techniques. Assassinations in the story line have changed from the first game. The last hit I played last night involved a footchase across Florence. I have to admit I enjoyed catching up with the bastard and ending the pursuit. I think I might have said, "Why'd you run? I hate having to chase you." There are lots of races, things to explore (a shit ton of things to explore), set pieces, puzzles, platforming sections that take a page from Prince of Persia, and more. Not only that but the missions vary, hell some events aren't even on the map or talked about (i.e. running down enemy couriers). A+ Ubisoft.
3. The game is set during the Italian Renaissance and it is awesome. I don't know how Ubisoft did it but in the regions I have unlocked (Florence & Tuscany) I find it very easy to imagine that I am in 15th Century Italy. Florence is stunning and throughout the cities are landmarks (information pops up about the landmark, architectural history, etc). One of my favorites is Giotto's Dome (which I knew about but didn't know was in Florence).
4. Thank you to Ubisoft for teaching gamers about Renaissance art and architecture.
5. While this may be a minor joy to most of you folks, ACII has the option to change the spoken language in the game and language of the subtitles. For years I have been annoyed by games in English that have subtitles in English. While I understand that the hearing impaired might need the subtitles there are/were many games when languages and subtitles needed improvement (ex. Final Fantasy - why the hell are these games in English without an option to have original Japanese voicework?). I've been listening to ACII in Italian, though my Italian is nil, and I don't know what people on the street are yelling however I am picking up a bit more Italian as I go. Maybe I should switch the game to Spanish.
6. (edit) Jesper Kyd did the score! Yay!

Assassin's Creed II is a winner. I don't know how long it's going to last. I'm 14 hours in and I think I just unlocked the meat and potatoes of the game, but I was collecting and exploring everything I could. We shall see. For now, great work Ubisoft.