"They're all so beautiful! I wish I had three heads!"

It's only been during this summer that I've really begun to appreciate the value of a hat in my life.  Normally I hate hats for the same reason I hate umbrellas, sure they serve a purpose but they seem like more of a hassle than they are worth (yes I am a crazy person).  Walking around in the East Texas heat has been particularly bad this season and after a pretty grim burn I decided to bust out one of the ball caps I have in my closet.  The one I wear is a Rangers cap I bought a couple years ago at a game.  The problem is it's a fitted cap that works more like a sweatband than something that actually keeps the sun off of me (plus the sweat has turned the bottome of the cap white).  So I'm looking at hats for summer.  My current favorites are as follows (barring the fact I probably couldn't wear one or two of these without some asshole in a Hemi shouting shit at me).

1. "The Kolchak" from Baron Hats Classic Reproductions based on the straw hat Carl Kolchak wore on the show Night Stalker.  Not only is the hat kind of bad-ass in a "I really don't give a fuck what kind of monster it is, I'm gettin' the scoop." way but it looks like it would be comfy.
2. Nón lá (leaf hat) the classic conical sun hat ubiquitous across Asia.
3. If I had the $500 to spend on a hat I would have to go for a Brent Black Panama.  Now that's a class hat. 
4. Since I am broke though I have the following two options:
1. The hat everyone will recognize - the white bucket hat that Gilligan wore and was featured in Fear and Loathing.  I found one for about ten bucks.
2. A hat similar to one I think I was forced to wear when I was a kid at the beach and the flying field my grandpa took me to.  Yes, the classic old fart flat top bucket hat, 

Chances are I will go with the old fart bucket hat.  If I'm gonna buy a hat I might as well buy one that will look classic even while fighting mutants for water in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.