Shadowrun - WTF?

I was checking the reviews for the new Shadowrun game and apparently it has no single player mode. It's purely an online multiplayer gun fest. Y'know what? Fuck all that shit Silent Bob. While there may be hordes of gamers waiting to shoot the hell out of one another I am not one of them. Like I have said many, many times I do not play well with others and game so that I don't have to deal with people. I just cannot understand why developers refuse to make a serious Shadowrun game. What a shame.

Day Watch is coming out in theaters and the books have been translated.

Night Watch was a pretty cool movie despite absurdly long delays in release. Day Watch is coming out in theaters tomorrow - next Friday here in Austin.

The books were translated about a year ago. I miss working in regular trade books sometimes and getting the jump on all kinds of crazy ass books.

I'm gonna pick up a copy of Night Watch (ISBN: 1401359795) this weekend and give it a run through. If it's worth a damn I'll post a review.

Werewolf in a Women's Prison.

Part of the reason I still read twitchfilm.net is to find about such gems as Werewolf in a Women's Prison. Now if you know me then you probably know that I am a fan of women in prison/convict movies ever since I saw Chained Heat with Linda Blair on Channel 62. While I wouldn't say that they are the best movies ever made they do hold a certain appeal to "the creepy, chili stained wife beater wearin', warm Steel Reserve sud suckin', old guy livin' off the interstate providing the local psychos with victims and smoked sausage" in me. Wimmins ins prisons hur hur hur.

Now add in the werewolf factor. Werewolf movies have so much potential but for the most part both suck and blow. I realize that you guys may have many favorites but I only really enjoy Dog Soldiers and Silver Bullet.

I'm not saying that Werewolf in a Women's Prison is going to be high art but it will be a fun watch. Now if only I can find a copy.

It turns out that Victoria De Mare - the star of the movie and one of the newest scream queens - also starred in a movie called Dinocroc. I'm assuming that Dinocroc is about a massive and ancient croc. It can't be as bad as Lake Placid. Maybe...

Friday! W00T! News and notes and stuff.

Here's a rundown of stuff in no particular order.

1. According to Kenneth Turan - movie reviewer for NPR - No Country for Old Men is a great Cohen Brothers movie that is lacking the humor they are known for. That's good news to me.
2. Al Pastor tacos for breakfast make me very happy especially on a slow, rainy day at work.
3. Expect upcoming reviews for: Curse of the Golden Flower - starring Chow Yun-Fat and Gong Li's awesome rack and Off Limits (1988) - Willem Defoe and Gregory Hines as cops in Vietnam tracking a killer. An 80s classic. You wouldn't know because you weren't there man.
4. A review of SOCOM: Combined Assault.
5. A trailer for the new game from Eidos - the name of which escapes me at the moment. Kane & Lynch (?)
6. I am going to sell my wedding band for enough to buy a XBOX360. I think that's a fair trade. Hopefully the 360 will last longer than two years.
7. There's also a new Tenchu game coming out exclusive for the 360.

Not much else at this current time. Hope you guys have a good weekend. Don't burn down your backyards.

Damn it! Another XBOX360 exclusive!

Curse you XBOX360 game designers! Curse you! Codemasters' Overlord looks like a great summer fun game.

The trailer for Splinter Cell: Conviction

Another tasty piece of PS3 news.

There are a couple of us who kind of sort of like John Woo's Hard Boiled. According to the game news Stranglehold - the PS3 sequel to Hard Boiled - is going to have a special edition release with a Blu-Ray of Hard Boiled. I think I just peed myself a little.

If you haven't checked out the Stranglehold site then shame on you. Shame. Here's the link: http://strangleholdgame.com/us/index.html

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Conviction XBOX360 only?

I was checking the news on www.gamespot.com and noticed that Ubisoft has released word on the newest installment of Splinter Cell. Unfortunately the game is not going to be released on the PS3, "The bad news for PlayStation 3 fans is that it's an Xbox 360 exclusive." . Double Agent was released for the PS2, PS3, and XBOX360 so I don't know why it wouldn't be another cross console release.

The article - here's the link - makes it sound pretty damn cool and makes me want to look into Ubisoft's Assassin's Creed. The idea of it set in DC and having to blend in with crowds a la Hitman makes me a little giddy.

It's things like this that almost make me want to buy a XBOX360. Damn it.

More remake news...this time it might not be so bad.

Here's an interesting piece of news:

• PRESS RELEASE BARBARELLA RETURNS - April 11, 2007: Producers Dino and Martha De Laurentiis have acquired all rights to reinvent the Barbarella franchise with a new feature film, to be based on the ground-breaking comic books by Jean-Claude Forest. Dino De Laurentiis produced the classic 1968 Barbarella film, which starred Jane Fonda, was directed by Roger Vadim, and was scripted by Terry Southern. Says Dino De Laurentiis, "Barbarella is the ultimate science fiction adventure heroine: smart, strong, funny, and sexy. THE FUTURE IS FEMALE, and I'm excited to reintroduce Barbarella to a new generation of moviegoers." Writers Neal Purvis and Robert Wade (Die Another Day, The World Is Not Enough, Johnny English) will reinvent the franchise, creating a completely new and original story for this iconic heroine. Purvis and Wade most recently co-wrote Casino Royale, which grossed over half a billion dollars worldwide, and have just penned the next installment in the James Bond franchise.The new Barbarella will be a free and modern woman who lives in a futuristic sci-fi environment and embarks on adventures using her unique intelligence, fighting skills and sex appeal. The film will combine action, adventure, humor and sensuality.Given the power and recognition of the original character, the search for the new Barbarella has already begun and will involve both established and unknown talent throughout the world.Film rights were acquired from Jean-Claude Forest's only son Julien Forest, represented by Hollywood Comics principal Jean-Marc Lofficier and French agent Laurie Roy, and development of the new movie is accompanying the reissue of the first two Barbarella books and the publishing of material never before translated into English.

While I am not a huge fan of Barbarella the movie I am a fan of bizarre French 70s Sci-Fi comics or at least the ones that I have stumbled across in old issues of Heavy Metal and in graphic novel compilations. The fact that Jean-Claude Forest's graphic novels are being rereleased is good news as well.

Depending on who is cast in the role of Barbarella it could work or well...be terrible. Now if Angela Lindvall - Dragonfly/Valentine from CQ - could be drafted then that wouldn't be so bad. It's already been proven that she looks good in skintight silver outfits. Like the man says, "If the shit fits, wear it."

Assorted movie news, complaining, and whining about remakes.

Apparently Death Proof is a big deal at Cannes. For some reason this annoys me to no end. On one hand it's going to mean that Planet Terror and the trailers are just going to be cast the wayside until Rodriguez says, "Screw it then." and rereleases Planet Terror with Machete - the way it should have been. Here's the BBC article: Cannes cheers Tarantino's return.

Paul W.S. Anderson - director of Soldier, Event Horizon, Resident Evil, and AVP - is remaking Death Race and The Long Good Friday. I'm not too freaked out by the Death Race remake because I'm not a big fan of the movie though I do feel there's no need for a remake. Rollerball wasn't a great movie but that didn't need a remake even if directed by John McTiernan. The Long Good Friday (1980) is one of my favorite Bob Hoskins movies. For a period of time after Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Hoskins was cast as a cuddly, bumbling, and mildly bumbling character i.e. Hook, Super Mario Brothers, and Mermaids. He also was cast in some excellent roles - Felicia's Journey and Mona Lisa in particular. Then of course there's Heart Condition. The Long Good Friday is a classic of British crime cinema on par - in my humble opinion - with Get Carter. A brutal and relentlessly cruel movie with Bob Hoskins demolishing scenery. If you're a fan of the crime genre and haven't seen this movie then make an effort to see the original.

Looks like Luck Liu is going to be in a vampire movie - Rise: Blood Hunter - that is coming out this July. I don't want to want to see this movie but well...track down the pictures of Lucy covered in blood. Plus Carla "yeah that chick from Sin City" Gugino is in it. Plus it's rated R. If you've been a longtime reader then you'll know that I have had gripes about horror & action movies not being rated R. Show me what I am here to see folks - you know what I'm talking about blood and guts and veins in my teeth...plus T&A. Maybe an explosion and dismemberment or three.

Black (2006)

The FPS genre must be a daunting on to jump into but the creators of the Burnout series - Criterion Games did it. It really shows too. What they did for racing games they have begun to do for FPS i.e. things blow up real good...and how. I remember one review I read that likened Black to "gun porn". All the weapons look great and sound amazing. One of the great things about this game is the fact that you don't really have to worry about ammo. Sure, there are one or two points where a bit of restraint is needed but most of the time you can just blast the holy living hell out of everyone and everything. After completing the game the first time through you unlock "silver weapons" basically chromed out weapons with unlimited ammo - great fun when you can get your hands on a grenade launcher or RPG.

The levels are fun and for the most part urban based - one level is a border run in the woods. Personally I have no love for jungle/forest/great outdoors combat levels - give me urban combat anyday. The AI is fair - sometimes the little bastards flank and take cover as appropriate and sometimes they act like standard shooter morons - i.e. when you snipe a guard his buddy won't really be upset or move or notice or look up from his Jell-O cup.

The biggest problem with Black is the fact that it's an eight hour game. Maybe nine if you try to find all the objectives but I don't know if there's any point at all to finding all the secondary objectives - no extra weapons, armor, or health. I realize that for $20 eight hours is a good amount of nonstop entertainment. Hell I spend that much for one night at the movies and that's only two hours. Still I find this trend of short games mildly disheartening. Possibly it's because of playing RPGs and sandbox styled games a la GTA but c'mon eight hours? There's not really much replay value really, granted it will be a fun game to thrown in when people are over - the "hey check this out factor". The fact that the game ends where most games would really kick in is equally annoying. If Criterion had billed Black as part one then it wouldn't have been such an issue but to play the game as a flashback mission and then it just ends, well it's just a let down.

When it comes down to it Black is a lot of fun and worth renting or picking up since it's a greatest hit but it doesn't have legs.

Star Wars Battlefront I & II

I didn't have anything to do last night so I threw in Star War Battlefront II - oddly enough it seems that I was on Pandemic Studio/Lucas Arts kick, I started the evening off with Mercenaries. I'm a big fan of the Battlefront series and though I do have some problems I do have a hell of a good time blasting the living hell out of Rebel scum. I only play Empire unless forced to play something else.



For those of you not in the know Star Wars Battlefront was released Sept. 20th, 2004. It is a third-person battlefield combat game. You have the ability to run around and blast the shit out of the opposition and jump in various vehicles and then blast the shit out of the opposition. There are several troop types you can play but I find that the basic trooper works just fine for me. If you have not played it and are looking for an entertaining shooter that is just fun for pick and play then it's worth picking up used - now it's probably running less than $15.



Star Wars Battlefront II allows you to blast the shit out of your opponent in space as well as planet side. There are also several amusing/fun side games - the hunt mission in Mos Eisley allows players to control either sand people - sorry Tusken Raiders - and Jawas. Ooteenie indeed. The space levels are fun but pretty restricted - in fact I tried installing TIE Fighter on my laptop before I realized that I didn't have a joystick. Galactic conquest is still fun and slightly expanded with fleets and space battles and bonuses and what not.

I do have this to say - why don't Pandemic just make a straight up space combat game? I sometimes miss Wing Commander, TIE Fighter, X-Wing vs TIE Fighter, Star Fox. I wouldn't mind if they made a complete galactic conquest game that involved a bit more strategy and all of the planets.

Despite the fact that Star Wars now sucks - except for Empire Strikes Back - the Battlefront games are fun as hell and remind me of why I loved it all once, before I got jaded and miserable. Plus I like shooting Ewoks.

A new site from Mike.

Mike has the biggest fucking music collection I have ever seen in one non-store place...or more accurately in several places in his home. With the sheer volume of it he could start his own radio station for a banana republic. His new crackpot venture is to review everything he owns. This may seem like trying to count the grains of sand on a beach and may drive him mad but in the meantime I'm going to enjoy his reviews. They are amusing, well written, and - even if I think he's wrong - insightful. Mike still enjoys music ad it shows.

Quit reading this go check out: http://satellite-eclectica.blogspot.com/

P.S. There will also be an RSS on the right over there but bookmark his shit anyway.

Saturday Morning Update - mit panzer!

It's nice to have a day off though I thought it was funny that Saturday Morning cartoons have been replaced by Saturday Morning chores. Wheee!

Updates:

• There's finally a new review up on the movie site.
• There will/should/might be a new post on da blog soon-ish.
• I have a new project in the works.
• If I can go six months without getting wasted I'm buying a PS3.

I am also in the process of getting myself a tripod though if one of you fine folks has one you can lend me please let me know.

The reviews will start picking up again and hopefully I'll be able to put some time into updating and etc., etc., etc.

You may now carry on with your Saturday.

Whew! Out of the woods.

Apologies for the delays & all around no show of reviews or pretty much anything for almost three weeks. Thanks to Marcus for filling the gap with his wondrous tales of the PS3. I am filled with jealousy and tech-envy.

There will be updates and assorted goodness starting tomorrow - hopefully.

Resistance: Fall of Man for PS3 (Fall '06)

Post WWII Europe was still licking it's wounds when the Chimeran attack overwhelmed the Soviets and began swallowing up town after European town. The Chimeran threat all but wiped every human across much of Europe, and Asia and from the looks of things, all hope was lost. Across the pond, the Yanks closed they're borders and kept a tight lid on any media of this near global tragedy while providing aid to our limey counterparts overseas.

A team of U.S. soldiers participating in a supply drop to our British allies fell victim to a Chimeran ambush leaving one survivor. Commander Nathan Hale. Hale had no idea that he could very well be, mankind's only hope.

In Resistance: Fall of Man, you play as hard-boiled U.S. military commander, Nathan Hale. Set in a post WWII alternate reality, the game follows Hale's journey into the heart of Britain to the core of the Chimeran stronghold. The Chimera are an alien race that essentially body-snatches it's victims and then, depending on the subjugated human's genetic strengths, gestates them into various forms of infantry.

To say the game play in R:FoM is engrossing is to make a massive understatement. This title is what "next-gen" gaming is supposed to be. The story...great, the voice-acting...superb, the visuals and ambience...other-worldly. At any given time during play, there are alarming amounts of computer-controlled allies and enemies zipping across the MASSIVE maps. Each with their own stealthy, sneaky, spooky A.I. At some points, it seems there are as many as 30-40 enemies and 15 or so allies. Truly amazing and harrowing.

What's most amazing is this game's solid execution in all aspects. Not once did I notice frame rate slow down, environment generation, or arms an legs floating through walls. I mean NO BUGS! It's truly unbelievable! Even in two player split-screen co-op, everything is rock solid! It's a marvel. Every game should hold itself to these high standards.

As the story-line the frantic feel of the game progresses too due to some great plot twists. As if the story mode wasn't enough to vault this game into the stratosphere (which it was, trust me), the multiplayer and online capabilities are some of the best I've seen, and being an old PC gamer, that's saying something. Granted, it's not a crisp vibrant bunch of levels because post-war alien invaded Europe shouldn't be. The servers are tight as I've ever seen and the competition is fierce.

Overall, R:FoM is one of the best games I have ever played. It's Call of Duty/Beginning of Saving Private Ryan, meets Independence Day/Aliens vs. Predator/Split Second. An easy 9.75 out of 10!

In case you had forgotten.

The Crash Test Dummies totally fucking sucked. Their big hit, Mmm Mmm Mmmm (1994) managed to suck and both blow as an arctic blast of Canadian suck froze the blood of awesome American alternative radio...which was dying anyway. This Canadian crap assault also included the tools known as the Barenaked Ladies. Not since Bryan Adams has music sucked so much. Oh, I forgot about Celine Dion.

While these bands apparently had something that allowed them to tour and make a shitload of money - an apparently mongoloid square-head college following - they are just proof that humanity is not worth saving. Not in the least.

While I like Canada, Canadians, and maple syrup such shitty music is nearly unforgettable, you're lucky you're funny.