Saturday, October 25, 2008

Normally lolspeak makes want to gouge out my eyes but...

Thanks to Amanda for pointing this out.  We're both Greek history/mythology fans so this is particularly amusing.

LOLcat Odyssey:

I can has
 song story of teh rox0r fer srsly, Odiseos. He liek went to teh bases of Troi fer pwnage and super LOLz. Den teh Ceiling Cat, Poseiden put sme srs pwnage on him and his kittehs. AND FER TEN YRS ZOMG!!! he did faceplants wit Calypso lolz. kthxbai.

Odiseos maded Telemachus but no one cared.

Wen teh pwnage of Troi was over srsly, Odiseos and his kittehs took teh botes wit der monees an der cheezburgers and getted teh fuck outta der. And tehy camed to teh most doped up homecats yous eva seen. Tehy sitted and eated teh lotus and his kittehs says "i can has more speshal brownies? kthx." But Odiseos says "NOES!!! only cheezburgers" Soes Odiseos and his kittehs getted on teh botes wit teh munchies nd left to one-eye cat wit srs munchies but not fer cheezburgers.

Tehy getted to teh gynormus one-eye cat caev nd seed free goats and cheezburgers!! Nd Odiseos nd his kittehs got fat on free food. But tehn wen one-eye cat come and says "I can iz H4XOR!!1

WTF, whoevas yous iz." Tehn teh gynormus one-eye caev cat wuz angry. Den, two of Odiseos's d00dz in teh caev R offd. Fall down, go boom! d00dz byebye. All kittehs and Odiseos cry'n'cry. Lowdst evah cry'n'cry. One-eye caev cat says "I can haz sleep now kthnx" and Odiseos goes "Oh snap" nd saez "WTF!! we r PWNZ0R his face." While he goz sleep he pwns him wit a hotted nail threw teh face. So he no seez (OH NOES!!). So teh kittehs looked and sez ewwz cuz was gross. But tehn one-eye cat wuz mad and want go smash but cnt seez. Nd Odiseos wuz peacing out wen one-eye cat screamed "WHOSE IZ U!!??!?" Odiseos saez "I is no-cat" Wen he getted away from teh base he saed "LOLZ!! I's iz rly Odiseos, maded by Laertes, pwner of Ithaca, and now PWNZ0R OF UR FACE, bitch" And den it was on. And Ceiling Cat Poseiden wuz mad. Liek srsly mad. Will b imprtnt laetr cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.

Nd tehy sailded to Aiaia (fer reels Aiaia, datz teh way tehy saez it). So tehy getted off teh botes looking fer mre cheezburgers and splits in tooz. Teh half not wit Odiseos seez a house and tehyz get happee and tehy seez a pretty ladi, and tehyz get rly happee (cuz they has seez no ladies on teh botes... u can imagine tehy get bored wit each other). But tehn Circe-ladi saez "I can has cheezburgers" and turns dem to pigs. But Odiseos on otehr part of island no noes dat his kittehs in troubelz. Ceiling Cat Hermes comez and says "OH HAI" and den Odiseos noes his kittehs in troubelz. He taeks teh potion from teh Ceiling Cat nd goez to Circe's house. Tehn Circe trys to cast spell on Odiseos, but he has teh potion. Dis maeks Circe hot. And tehy stay fer a year, make faceplant (YES!)... and teh pigs turn back to kittehs. After a yr Circe saez "Y yous still heer? Yous eated all mah cheezburgers. GTFO!!! kthxbai." Nd tehy left.

So tehy piled into teh ROFLcopter botes nd sailed to BasementCatPlace to speak to Tyraesus cuz tehy was losted and he noes teh way. But hiz mommy wuz der first nd he saed "Goez away now, Iz is not Oedipus." Nd she cry'n'cry but not loudest evah. Tyraseus say "OH HAI, you can has go home now after TEN YRS." Nd Odiseous saez "Dat SUX0RS more tehn ur mom." And Tyraseus sayz "Who SUX0RS less tehn Penelope." Nd if teh d00d wuznt ded, Odiseos would have offd him right tehre. 

Instead, Odiseos seez his d00dz frum Troi nd tehy cryun liek teh baybeez cuz deys ded nd no can haz cheezburgers n e more. Tehn, Odiseos seez won kitteh who push bolder up hill but no can has rest 4 bolder roll to bottom b 4 reach top nd dat sux0rs. Tehre wuz also dis cat who goes 'I can haz cheezburger?' and seez cheezburger but no can has, nd dat srsly suckin lyke a dai wit no canopener.

Cuz BasmentCatPlace wuz sux0rs, Odiseos nd hiz kittehs sez kthnxbai nd go back to seksy Circe-ladi, but she NO WANT! Soes tehy get mor direcshons frum her and she warns tehm of monsters dat et n00bs fer alwayz, nd dey GTFO. Bye-bye Aiaia. Stoopid name n e wayz.

On teh botes Ceiling Cats Poseiden nd Helios haz maked wind, nd maked a sobad storm cam up. Teh ROFLcopter was broken to pieces. Teh kittehs wuz fraidys. Tehy all skeered coz kittehs iz not liek get wet. Tehy even tossn tehy cookies fer bettar floating...but tehy drownded—kthnxbai! But Odiseos no drownded cuz he grabbed plank nd Ceiling Cats not ded him. Tehy sends him safe to home of Calypso. Tehre tehy maek seksy-tiem fer eight yrs. Srsly, dat lotsa seksy-tiem.

After eight yrs, Grey-furred Ceiling Cat Atehna feelz rly fer srsly bad. She liek Odiseos but not liek Calypso. She tell her dadda head Ceiling Cat Zoos nd askz him to let teh d00d go. Nd Zoos fixs things good. Ceiling Cat will giv Odiseos teh royal boot, nd he be awai! Yay! kthnxbai! But Ceiling Cat Poseiden no good... want pwn4age liek teh kittehs! Nd he maked wind nd sobad storm. But Odiseos sez, "Dis Ceiling Cat no can haz imajinashon" nd floats on wood of wuz-bote to island of Phaishya. Tehre he tell whole storie wit no bafroom brake. Dis maek Phaisya cats impressed nd tehy halp Odiseos go home. Yay! Odiseos #1! Ceiling Cat Atehna #1! Ceiling Cat Poseiden byebye!

Nd wen Odiseos getted back to teh base of Ithaca, Penelope was wit teh suitor-cats and tryin to get tehm to shoot Odiseos' bow. But teh suitor-cats were teh n00b4ge nd couldnt pwnz0r wit teh arrows like Odiseos could. Odiseos is hidin wit pig kitteh Eurmaus so he can get into teh palace nd kill some d00ds nd make their frends cry'n'cry. So Odiseos plotted to off teh n00bs so he could do faceplants wit Penelope nd Telemachus could stop cry'n'cry about his dadda.

So wen teh tiem was right Odiseos nd Telemachus taked teh pwnz0r swords nd started to kill teh d00dz. Nd all teh suitor cats were liek "WE CAN NEVER HAS CHEEZBURGER AGAIN ZOMG." Nd den teh mammas nd daddas of teh suitor cats caem nd were liek "WTF, our sons can never has cheezburger again!!! Nd now we can never eat cheezburger again bc we gonna cry'n'cry liek 4EVA! We can neva be happee nd our kittehs will always b hongry." But tehy ddnt noe that Odiseos, teh pwn4ge, wuz teh one who killed tehir kittehs. Nd den Grey-furred Ceiling Cat Atehna taked away Odiseos' disguise nd teh suitor-parent cats were fraid. Tehy all got in tehir ROFLcopters nd went away and were liek "We can has go now..... KTHXBAI!!!"

But Penelope was liek "CANT BELIVE IT ODISEOS, liek who teh Basement Cat r u?" Odiseos was liek "OH HAI!!!1 I'm back, member me!?" Den she was liek "I can has you prove ur liek who yous sayz yous is?" Nd he's liek "I builded our bed in teh middle of teh base out of teh tree you climbed up once." Nd she was liek "OH HAI!!!!" Nd tehy did faceplants for long tiem. KTHXBAI!!!1111oneo

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