Saturday, April 30, 2011

Movie Reviews from the last two weeks:

Holy batshit fatman HYR is actually going to have some reviews on it?!?  Fuck you Robin, I hope the Joker hits you with a crowbar.

  • TRON: Legacy directed by that dude who did that one thing...who the fuck cares?  The Daft Punk score made this movie even before I ever saw the movie.  The only way this score could be better is if it was a co-creation with Jesper Kyd.  In all honesty TRON: Legacy  gave me exactly what I wanted, lots of pretty colours, action that made my gamer reflexes kick in (during the grid race I caught my hands telegraphing the lightcycle paths), and a hot chick with short black hair.  Compared with Galaxy 9999 I don't think TRON: Legacy is as good but I'm still gonna buy it as a Saturday afternoon throw in.
  • Easy A (2010).  I enjoyed it.  Basically one of those teen dramedies that is too smart for it's own good but for some reason I had a fun time watching it.  Emma Stone is a cute lead, the supporting cast is excellent (and really makes the movie in my opinion), and for a movie self-referentially cut from the John Hughes cloth it works.  
  • Doghouse (2009).  This is one of those movies that I found at random, said fuck it and started watching it.  A crew of blokes go on holiday to a shite village that is taken over by Zombie women ("zombirds" lol), mayhem ensues.  Sexist humor, lots of gore, an absurd plot, Danny Dyer, Stephen Graham, gallow's humor, more gore, tits, one scene which actually kind of made me want to barf and laugh at the same time, and a mummified penis.  I have to admit I loved this movie.  The cast was having a blast, the effects are solid, and I found it very funny even when sober.
  • Mutants (2009) A small French horror film, well shot and well acted based around a couple facing a virus that turns humans into flesh eating monsters.  Not a top notch film, the last act kind of falls apart, but the dynamic between the couple really works throughout the first 2/3 of the movie.  Worth watching as an educational piece about not to act as a couple under crisis.
  • 2010: Moby Dick (2010)  Whew.  Actually it was better than some of the Sci-Fi Channel crap I have seen.  Hell it was better than some "films" I've seen.  Barry Bostwick plays Captain Ahab in this modern "retelling" of Moby Dick.  In a fucked up crappy way it worked - primarily because Bostwick just goes hell bent for leather.  If you're a "fan" of giant animals attacking big boats and stuff grade-Z movies then I definitely recommend this.  Don't expect much but it was better than Megashark Vs Giant Octopus.
  • Salt (2010) was fucking dumb.  Granted it took a standard sleeper/mole 80s film and tried to bring into the modern era but it just didn't work.  It's strange because all the elements were there, especially Chiwetel Ejiofor who is one of my modern top 5 favorite actors, but I think truth be told Angelina and Liev Schreiber dropped the ball.  I just couldn't get into the movie.  Everytime one or both of them was on screen I just got annoyed and waited to Chiwetel to show up.  Skip this clunker and just look up the images of Angelina with a boy-cut on the web.
  • Zombie Women of Satan (2009).  Why, oh why God did I watch this from start to finish?  I don't like Troma movies and am not even a huge fan of camp!  I feel dirty for watching this movie...and worse for enjoying it.  Basic premise, a travelling freak/burlesque show goes to a remote location for a web-interview.  Zombirds (yes another British Zombie-Chick movie) appear, mayhem ensues, and it's one of those movies you watch that draws you in because you can't believe it's actually kind of good and funny and it knows it's total shite so it just goes for it.  Seriously, this one is bad but intentionally funny.  A clown teaching a burlesque dancer how to use a baseball bat to smash in the head of a Zombird?  Fucking funny.  Just skip the "rock song" in the first section of the movie. 
  • Master of Martial Hearts (2008) aka Zettai shôgeki: Puratonikku hâto - Hashiridasu shukumeiWell, huh.  I watched this with my horror/bizarro movie buddy Agent M for funzies at first.  OK, we watched the entire 5 episode season because there were big bouncy anime titties in the first fight of the movie and not just fanservice - I'm talking full on titty action!  We cheered!  It's a good thing there wasn't a titty drinking game we would have died.  The basic premise is these anime chicks have to fight one another in order to win this doo-dad that fulfills their deepest heart's wish.  Blah blah blah!  Fight!  Titties!  Awesome!  And then something happened in episode 4 & 5...a plot materialized out of thin air and the show got thematically dark and twisted.  We were kind of blown away.  Episode 5 goes waaaaaaaaay sideways.  Master of Martial Hearts is fanservice junk but that unicorn rare really good fanservice junk.
  • Santa's Slay (2005)  Oh yeah?  You wanna fuckin judge me?  Watch the first part of the movie.  Beats the shit out of The Santa Clause, Jingle All the Way, or the modern botched-abortion of The Grinch.  Is it bad? it awesome?  Fuck yeah.  Seriously, some of the kills in this movie are kick ass.  The movie falters when somekind of plot gets cobbled together.  The opening segment is priceless though and would make for a great mash-up with Elf.
  • Sam's Lake (2006)  Meh.  Skip.
  • The Possession of David O'Reilly (2010) A British shaky cam shocker that was literally shot in the dark.  Disappointing because the movie had a lot of potential.
  • The Horde (2009)  A French Zompocalypse movie.  Cop and robbers vs Zombies.  Satisfyingly gory, violent, kind of bizarre, kick ass Frenchies, and quite enjoyable (even though I am zombied out).  Well worth watching and frankly it was better than the last few Romero dumps.
There are a few movies worth full review coming up that I want to watch/review including Miike's 13 Assassins which looks to be pretty paint by numbers Seven Samurai/47 Ronin knock off but hey there's a reason those films work.

Hope all of you are well and in good spirits.


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