I declare a moratorium on:

Voice-overs in films and intrusive narrators, especially in a Noir gravelly tone. I used to love it but in all honesty it's swung back to cliche again.  No mas.  Fin.

Franklyn (2008) Dir Gerald McMorrow

Had this on the Netflix queue and watched it last night with the missus. i hadn't heard anything about it but the premise sounded interesting and Eva Green is in it so, why not? The premise is thus: In the futuristic Meanwhile City, a masked vigilante (Ryan Phillippe) seeks out his nemesis while in contemporary London, an art student (Eva Green) attempts to kill herself, a heartbroken lover (Sam Riley) looks for someone new and a father (Bernard Hill) searches for his son. Writer-director Gerald McMorrow's sci-fi drama follows these desperate individuals as their lives become intertwined by fate. Franklyn is a split reality movie that reminded me of Clive Barker's Quiddity mixed with Steampunk mixed with boring British lines of fate movie.  Perhaps it decided to do one thing or another I might have enjoyed it much more than I did. The Meanwhile City sequences were awesome and if the movie had spent more time in that world I would have enjoyed the movie a great deal more.  Perhaps if the other characters had shifted over to Meanwhile City... The Meanwhile City sequences are neat, rich with detail, and I honestly want to know more about this world.  Franklyn is worth watching for Meanwhile City alone.  Otherwise it's just meh, British people being gloomy.

The Rhyming Chef is one of my favorites.

This is now going to be my knife technique.  Thanks Shaolin Master Rhyming Chef!

Sunday Cooking: A long and involved recipe involving things and stuff and elbow grease.

So while I was snoozing this morning I was thinking about how I was hungry and needed something to eat and about what there was in the fridge. I didn't want biscuits and eggs or ham and eggs or sausage and eggs or anything particularly breakfast-y. I remembered that we had leftover paste I made earlier in the week after cooking a chicken. While “paste” sounds unappealing, I can assure you that it is anything but. It is more along the lines of curry paste but more Northwestern African than South/Southeastern Asian. Let me give you a run down and then I’ll get back to what I made for break fast. I won’t go into the process of slow roasting poultry (again) so we are going to start with end of the process. After roasting your poultry, deglaze your pan with about two cups of chicken stock (or vegetable stock if you want). You’re going to be doing this on the stovetop just to give you the heads up. Don’t worry about trying to do this with your head in the oven. Personally, I do this at a low medium temperature, stirring constantly, and adding all the stock at once. Don’t worry about all the gunk and chunks on the bottom of the pan, keep stirring – gently – and all that goodness will be incorporated into the reduction. Hey look, we’re making a reduction! I love making reductions because I reach a zen point of stirring. Once the stuff in the pan starts looking more appealing remove the pan from the heat and go do something else for about 15-30 minutes. Now get back to the kitchen. There should be a kind of congealed slick on the top of the liquid in the pan. That’s fat from the roasted poultry, skim this layer off. Here’s a trick, use a piece of bread. Then you can eat it or give it to the dog. Fat gone, put the pan back on the stovetop and heat it up again (medium-low heat). Keep stirring, the texture should be getting smoother. Again, the sauce should have the look of something you would want to consume. Here comes the fun part, spicing it up. Now I used some spices most folks aren’t going to have in their kitchen but they are all easily purchased online and are cheaper than buying crap in a bottle in your supermarket. I purchased all of these from World Spice Merchants for less than twenty bucks including shipping and handling. To the reduction add: (please remember that my measures are guesstimates and suggestions) 1 tbsp Urfa Biber 2 tbsp Poivron Rouge 1/2 tbsp Grains of Paradise 1 tsp white pepper Simmer and stir until spices are blended in.  Turn off the heat.  Go do something for 15-30 minutes.  Come back skim off fat, yes again.  Taste, tinker with the flavor, whatever you want to do.  I do not recommend adding more salt, there should have been plenty of salt in the earlier processes. Here's another fun part.  By now the reduction should be at the end stages (about 3 cups of stuff).  Get out your blender/food processor.  Got it?  Pour everything into the blender/food processor.  Hit blend.  Blend the shit out the mixture so it has a very smooth, uniform texture.  Check?  Good?  Now pour the mixture into a tupperware container and throw it in the fridge.  You can also put it several containers and put some in the fridge and some in the freezer.  Ultimately you should have about 2-4 cups of the final mixture. Use this mixture on poultry or whatever the hell you want. Now back to breakfast this morning.  I used a big dollop of the paste (about a half cup?) to saute some onions, adding a little stock to help reconstitute the sauce.  After lightly browing the onions, I added a cup of rice, a little more stock, and some water.  Before I clapped a lid on I added a fistful of diced dates.  Cooked until the rice was done.  Mixed in some crushed walnuts.  Ate.  Added some hot sauce.  It was good and I recommend it to a friend or neighbour. I will make this again but next time I will add the dates in at the end with the walnuts and will add a bit of my capsicum blend to balance out the sweetness.  Sigh, fine, and maybe some salt.

Borderlands: Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot & the Zombie Island of Dr. Ned XBOX 360 DLC

Borderlands: Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot and the Zombie Island of Dr. Ned are the current DLC for Borderlands - the sci-fi RPG/FPS from Gearbox Software that I happen to enjoy the shit out of.  For DLC I have to say that most of the time I feel like the content is hit or miss or maybe I just have a weird concept of DLC. That being said, I had these sitting on the back burner until I got home from the holidays and I needed something to play.  I kicked it off with Zombie Island and had a grand time of blasting the living dead.  I liked the level design and the zombies were actually a threat until I worked out the right combo of weapons with which to make them dead...undead...for reals this time.  An assault rifle with an incendiary mod worked really nicely.  I also got a good deal of play time out of Zombie Island - about eight or nine hours in one go.  I got my money's worth, hit the level cap, and added a few more firearms to the collection.  Very nicely done, oh and the humor in the level is awesomely punny. Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot is on one hand totally wicked hella awesome arena combat.  On the other hand it is a hateful, gruelling Death March of suffering.  Mad Moxxi DLC is a cruel and vengeful bitch, three arenas, each with five rounds of combat...however each round is comprised of five waves of enemies of increasing difficulty.  Add to that, at higer levels a random effect comes into play - sometimes good and sometimes profanity inducing.  Once you are thoroughly castigated by these rounds but manage to complete them a new challenge awaits...twenty rounds.  I've gotten to the twenty round part but haven't made it past round six.  Oh and if you die you get penalized a level.  If you leave to change weapons, tough tittie, you're starting over.  Some reviewers are whining about MMUR being too hard or there's no reward because of the level cap or the wah wah wah.  To those reviewers I say: time to put on your big girl panties.  Video games have gotten soft in some respects.  Do you rememeber when you only had three lives and if you died at the end you had to go all the way back to the beginning?  Or you had to have futuristic Mentat skills (pre-leet ergo no zed) in order to complete some games?  I've never met anyone who fully 100% completed NES Gauntlet and if someone said they did I probably wouldn't believe them.  One reviewer complained there were no achievements...well, too fucking bad, how about pride in one's own self? So if you're not a crybaby and enjoy arena battle royale get this now.

Robocop...I still love you.

RPGS: thoughts, comments, pipe dreams (plus a repost from 10/11/07)

RPGs: A Polemic of Likes and Dislikes I'm going to keep saying this until someone listens and does something proper about it.  Make a proper quality next-gen Shadowrun/Cyberpunk 2020/Dark Future/Marid Audran game.  How hard is this?  We have the technology.  If FASA can put out a piece of crap shooter and slap the Shadowrun label on it...okay, okay to be fair I read Mitch Gitelman, (former?) FASA Studio Manager's blog about the 2007 release and I understand better where they were coming from and will stop pissing on their parade.  Hell who made a game that sold a shitton of copies and who didn't right?  However, I still agree with the folks who called it "Counter Strike with Elves".  I believe that a great deal of my disappointment is that Cyberpunk as a genre would be so awesome in a current-gen RPG format and the genre has fallen by the wayside.  Maybe I should just do this myself. Take a cue from Grand Theft Auto 4 and center gameplay on one city, one big ass totally awesome city.  No ice wastes, no jungle (though a zoo/aquarium would be awesome to fight in), endless opportunities for mission branching, DLC, etc, etc, etc, FUCK JRPGs.  No more Japanese psuedo Miyazaki mumbo jumbo eco-story lines - i.e. A band of misfits must restore the balance and heal the spirit of the life blood of the planet who has been turned into a monster/demon spirit by the evil corporate military-industrial complex that has angered the earth spirit/demon/life force by tapping into the life force/spirit energy and is causing a rift and our band of misfits must heal the wound in the spirit/life force in order to stop the angered demon spirit from destroying everyone and everything and sending all that we hold dear into a spiralling spiral of forgetful sadness. Oh yeah and one or more of the characters are plucky, sassy, and/or are some kind of anthropomorphic girl. Normal fantasy RPGs are boring. I've been playing them for over twenty years and eventually I get bored with the elves, dwarves, humans schtick. In the last quarter of the game I just get bored to the point that I go read a book or go outside or - god forbid - see what's on TV.  Grinding for EXP (see also 5). I liked the fact that I could train in "Elder Scrolls: Oblivion". Mindless, repetitive combat is not my idea of a good time. Idiotic dialogue. You all know what I mean; dialogue written by Ren-Faire castouts or translated by people who learned Japanese through only manga. Dungeon crawling (see also 3). I've crawled through miles and miles and miles and miles of dungeons, caverns, swamps, forests, ruins, temples, and sewers. Enough. Finis. Unless you are willing to spice it up with intelligent puzzles, challenging traps, and monsters - thank you "Overlord" xoxo - don't bother. Step and fetch quests. How about this get your own fucking crap?  "I need, I want..."  What about my needs and my wants?  Right now, I just wanna stick a machete in your head and take what I damn well please. How many of you remember something like this from the ye olde days of gaming? You need a key to enter the Dungeon of Stone. Speak to the gatekeeper in his hut outside the Dungeon of Stone. He is bored and needs something to read, perhaps a book. Where do I get a book? He doesn't know but perhaps the Gatekeeper at the City of Air can tell you. Where is the City of Air? The Gatekeeper of Stone used to know but it has been so long that he has forgotten. Perhaps the Witch in the Forest of Gloom south of the Dungeon of Stone knows how to get to the City of Air. After wandering through the Forest of Gloom you find the Witch's House. Where's the Witch? Why is she not home? WTF! Break and steal everything not nailed down inside and outside the Witch's home. Decide to spend the night in her house. During the night you are awakened by the Witch's pet Ghost. The Ghost says that the Witch was kidnapped by the Shades of the Swamp of Mist. You can follow the Ghost through the Forest of Gloom to the edge of Swamp of Mist but can't show you through the Swamp of Mist because *cue flashback* the Ghost is tied to the Forest of Gloom. The Ghost warns that it is easy to get lost in the Swamp of Mist and mentions that if you had a light you could find you way much easier. Perhaps that Ruby from the Palace of Flame could be useful - it worked in Labyrinth of the Abyss. Equip. Press A to equip. Are you sure? Press A. To use press A. Are you sure? Press A. The Ruby has no energy. Walk back through the Forest of Gloom, past the Witch's house, past the Gatekeeper of Stone, across the Frosted Ice Plain, across the Mountain Peaks of Treachery, into the Halls of Ash, and speak to the Gatekeeper of Flame, enter the Castle of Flame, rest at the Inn, reequip - press A - and get into the Castle of Flame and then speak to His Majesty the Keeper of Flame. He says he'll power up the Ruby just this once. If you need to power it up again he will need a favor done for him. Like you didn't save his Kingdom of Flame from the Iron Beasts and their Digging Machines. Before you leave he mentions that if you him a favor then he will give you a gift. Do you accept? Press A for Yes or Press B for No. Jesus, since I'm here Yes. Are you sure? Press A. Apparently His Majesty the Keeper of the Flame has been having problems with his daughter the Princess of Flame, Ember. She has run off into the Molten Chasm and His Majesty is concerned for her safety. Will you find her and bring her back? Fortunately there is an entrance to the Molten Chasm in the dungeon and here is the key. Dungeon crawl the Molten Chasm. Princess Ember is fighting a Crimson Burrower and is doing well but falls down and you run to her aid. Defeat the Crimson Burrower thanks to Princess Ember's fire magic. Back to the throne room of the Palace of Flame, dysfunctional family dialogue, Ember joins you on your Quest, His Majesty allows you to loot the treasure rooms and gives Princess Ember her mother's weapons and armour. Apparently the Queen kicked ass and died. Reequip, visit the Inn, save. Now what the Hell were you supposed to do?  To tell the truth I miss classic RPGs and am glad some of them have been rereleased for the DS Lite. Dear creators of RPGs, please take my bitching with a grain of salt.  It's just my favorite genre.

Hooligan Youth Reviews kind of sort of favorite/best of video games of the last decade

Since everyone and their Aunt Louisa is doing a "best of" I figured I'd jump on the band wagon with a series of lists of my favorite games, based on genre and assorted goodness.  Please note that these are not comprehensive lists (and frankly I don't enjoy some genres) so don't get your knickers in a twist if I left off your favorite game or genre.  I also listed the console I played the game on, not the best version of the game. RPGS: Suikoden III (2002) Konami - PS2 Dragon Warrior VII (2001) Enix - PSOne Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (2003)  Bioware - XBOX Fallout 3 (2009)  Bethesda Softworks - XBOX360 Final Fantasy VI Advanced (2007)  Square Enix - DS Lite Beyond Good and Evil (2003) Ubisoft Montpellie Puzzle/Adventure: Katamari Damacy (2004) Namco - PS2 Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords (2007) D3Publisher of America-XBOX Arcade Professor Layton and the Curious Village (2008)  Level 5 - DS Lite Carcassonne (2007) Sierra Online Seattle- XBOX Arcade Scribblenauts (2009) Warner Brothers Interactive - DS Lite Stealth: Tenchu 2: Birth of the Stealth Assassins (2000) PS2 Hitman: Contracts (2004) Io Interactive - PS2 Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009) Rocksteady Studios - XBOX 360 Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Chaos Theory (2005) Ubisoft Montreal - PS2 Sniper Elite (2005) Rebellion - PS2 FPS: Deus Ex: the Conspiracy (2002) Ion Storm - PS2 XIII (2002) UbiSoft - PS2 Battlefield: Bad Company (2008) Digital Illusions - XBOX 360 Borderlands (2009)  Gearbox Software - XBOX 360 Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare  (2008) Infinity Ward - XBOX 360 3rd Person Actioners: Freedom Fighters (2003) Io Interactive - PS2 Saint's Row 2 (2008) Volition - XBOX 360 Ratchet & Clank (2002) Insomniac Games - PS2 Silent Hill 2 (2001) Konami - PSOne Assassin's Creed 2 (2009) Ubisoft Montreal - XBOX360 Rockstar: GTA VC (2002) PS2 Manhunt (2003)  PS2 Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne (2003)  PS2 Bully (2006)  PS2 The Warriors (2005)  PS2 Miscellaneous & Honorable mentions: Star Wars Battlefront (2004) Pandemic - PS2 Burnout 3 Takedown (2004) Criterion Games - PS2 Ico (2001) Sony Computer Entertainment - PS2 Disgaea (2004) Atlus USA - PS2 The Godfather (2006) EA Redwood Shores - PS2 SOCOM II:US Navy Seals (2003) Zipper Interactive  - PS2 War of the Monsters (2003) Incognito - PS2 The Sims 2 (2004) Maxis - PS2 Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 (2008) Atlus USA - PS2 The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (2006) Bethesda - PS2 Okami (2006) Clover Studios - PS2 Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas 2 (2008) Ubisoft Montreal - PS2 Disappointments: Indigo Prophecy (2005) Quantic Dream - PS2 Shadowrun (2007) FASA Studio - XBOX 360 Manhunt 2 (2007) Rockstar London - PS2 Puzzle Quest: Galactrix (2009) D3 - XBOX 360 & DS Lite Fallout 3: Mothership Zeta (2009) Bethesda Softworks - XBOX 360 The Halo franchise Make (or remake) these damned games already! Oddworld Stranger's Wrath (2005) Oddworld Inhabitants LA Noire Rockstar Games Freedom Fighters 2 Io Interactive Shadowrun - Melbourne House 1993 An Indiana Jones game that doesn't suck.

Okay...looks like Blogger is having technical difficulties with the site...

I have no idea what has happened but my sidebars and assorted links and fun stuff have vanished from the site but are still visible from my end on the layout screen.  It could be user error or it could be sun spots or the Tamagochi running the server might be taking a dirt nap.  We shall see... (edit) Looks like the problem is with SpringWidgets...hope I don't lose my archived material...

Dragon Age: Origins "Return to Ostagar" delayed and new material coming.

So the new DLC for Dragon Age: Origins has been delayed. Return to Ostagar has, IMHO, limited gameplay which allows for item pickup/fancy gewgaws. However, earlier today Bioware announced a new addition/expansion called Awakening. According to the Bioware site the expansion builds on the game, after the defeat of the Archdemon/rebuilding the Wardens. I am looking forward to this release - March 16th if the Internet is to be believed. Appartenly you can import your current pc or start a new one. Neat.

Land of the Lost (2009) Dir. Brad Silberling

I never understood Land of the Lost but then again I was too young for it when it was on the air and when I finally saw an episode or two it was lost on me (no pun intended).

I have no idea why we rented this. It wasn't awful yet it wasn't good either. It was...sort of bizarre and vaguely surreal and kind of funny but not really funny because the humor was weird...y'know? I think it has the potential to be a cult movie because it has some good lines, bizarreness abounds, and the movie would probably benefit from being viewed while under the influence of illegal substances.

Anna Friel is kind of hot in a weird British way. Apparently she's in a Czech movie from 2008 about Elizabeth Bathory titled Bathory. Huh.

Avatar (2009) Dir. James Cameron

I liked Avatar. It reminded me of a sci-fi novel from the early/mid 1970s (possibly by someone like Robert Silverberg, Joe Haldeman, or maybe Norman Spinrad). Hell, I could even imagine the old Tor book cover for Avatar with some naked blue hot alien/barbarian chick riding some weird pterodactyl thing in a pseudo - Frank Frazetta style.

And that's the extent of my review for Avatar. I didn't like it as much as I love Aliens but liked it much, much more than I liked Titanic. It was good, solid, classic Sci-Fi done complete justice by James Cameron and crew.

Bayonetta & Dante's Inferno Demo reviews

I'm not sure why Bayonetta received a 92 on metacritic. Perhaps there must be a large contingent of SEGA fans who like games with lots of on screen flash and button poking. I however am not one of these people. I was intrigued by the main character who looks like a cross between the Baroness, Lulu (from Final Fantasy X), and Bloodrayne but with all the onscreen nonsense I couldn't ogle her goodies. Gong.

EA & Visceral Games have come out with a demo for Dante's Inferno. I have no idea what to say about this game. Loosely adapted from Dante's Inferno the player has to go to hell to rescue the soul of Beatrice. There's part of me that wants to play this game and there's part of me that wishes that it didn't have Dante's name attached to it. Check out the website, it's actually a cool site. The demo played like a God of War only instead of chains and blades, Dante is armed with a big ass scythe and a cross that shoots...holy light crosses?

Assassin's Creed II (2009)

When I reviewed Assassin's Creed way back in 2007 I was kind of disappointed (and bored) by repetitive gameplay. I was hesitant to pick up Assassin's Creed II for that reason. I was mildly intrigued by good reviews on metacritic but was wrapped up in playing Dragon Age: Origins. I ended up renting ACII a few days ago simply because there wasn't anything else to rent. I am very glad I did because whatever was wrong with the first game has been tweaked or overhauled for this installment.

Assassin's Creed II is - with little hyperbole - an excellent game. There are one or two flaws in gameplay that are just personal gripes otherwise ACII is visually stunning, thematically strong, and many aspects of gameplay are topnotch.

My two gripes are:

1. The combat is good but unfortunately the bar was set too high by Batman: Arkham Asylum. Granted the protagonist - Ezio - is no Bruce Wayne but still for an assassin he's pretty weak in the fisticuffs & melee department. That being said, Ezio's "stealth" attacks are hit or miss but then again this isn't a Tenchu game. Minor gripe.
2. Once you unlock the villa (aka HQ) it's way too easy to get money. Then again Ubisoft probably figured people want to get the good stuff and not have to play Sim-Villa. Again, minor gripe.

On the plus sides:

1. While melee combat may be a pain in the butt the options for avoiding mobs of guards are pretty cool. Throughout the cities are small bands of hirelings: prostitutes, mercenaries, and thieves. Each band has its own skill set to deal with pesky guards. Need to sneak into a guarded area? Hire a crew of coquettes to distract the guards with their "confidence" and walk right in. Thieves are great to hire to deal with rooftop guards and pursuers. I have to admit it makes dealing with the hordes of guards much easier.
2. ACII has a lot to do and varies up the gameplay techniques. Assassinations in the story line have changed from the first game. The last hit I played last night involved a footchase across Florence. I have to admit I enjoyed catching up with the bastard and ending the pursuit. I think I might have said, "Why'd you run? I hate having to chase you." There are lots of races, things to explore (a shit ton of things to explore), set pieces, puzzles, platforming sections that take a page from Prince of Persia, and more. Not only that but the missions vary, hell some events aren't even on the map or talked about (i.e. running down enemy couriers). A+ Ubisoft.
3. The game is set during the Italian Renaissance and it is awesome. I don't know how Ubisoft did it but in the regions I have unlocked (Florence & Tuscany) I find it very easy to imagine that I am in 15th Century Italy. Florence is stunning and throughout the cities are landmarks (information pops up about the landmark, architectural history, etc). One of my favorites is Giotto's Dome (which I knew about but didn't know was in Florence).
4. Thank you to Ubisoft for teaching gamers about Renaissance art and architecture.
5. While this may be a minor joy to most of you folks, ACII has the option to change the spoken language in the game and language of the subtitles. For years I have been annoyed by games in English that have subtitles in English. While I understand that the hearing impaired might need the subtitles there are/were many games when languages and subtitles needed improvement (ex. Final Fantasy - why the hell are these games in English without an option to have original Japanese voicework?). I've been listening to ACII in Italian, though my Italian is nil, and I don't know what people on the street are yelling however I am picking up a bit more Italian as I go. Maybe I should switch the game to Spanish.
6. (edit) Jesper Kyd did the score! Yay!

Assassin's Creed II is a winner. I don't know how long it's going to last. I'm 14 hours in and I think I just unlocked the meat and potatoes of the game, but I was collecting and exploring everything I could. We shall see. For now, great work Ubisoft.

So I think I am at risk of signing up for World of Warcraft (or other MMO if anyone can recommend a good one):

I finally need a new computer and am in the market for a desktop. That being said, I am considering signing up for an MMORPG. I am thinking of World of Warcraft but am concerned that as a player more interested in solo play I have to wonder is it worth it?

What to do, what to do...any suggestions are welcome.

My observations on homosexuality and other plot devices in "Dragon Age: Origins": MINOR STORY SPOILERS

I'm just going to add my two cents about this surge of press concerning "dirty gay sex" in Dragon Age: Origins. I've seen some articles on some NSFW websites (no I'm not going to give you the links, you degenerate) about DA:O and homosexuality contained there-in. Amanda sent me a link to a NYT article (12/05/09) which was pretty interesting and has a good interview with DA:O's lead designer Mike Laidlaw. Penny Arcade has an awesome webcomic, of course.

Now normally I'd go on and on about the yadda yadda video game blah blah series of choices, games rated "M" are not intended for xyz, video games are not part of the homosexual agenda, etc etc. I don't think that I am going to.

I'm going to try to keep this coherent, for once. So what? Does the option of entering into a romantic relationship with a humanoid of the same gender (in a video game) really bother people? Is it miscegenation if a heterosexual romance and becomes "sexual" between a human & dwarf/human & elf/elf & dwarf? Is it "dirty gay sex" if my dwarven female rogue has intercourse with Leliana? What about the minefield that is romance with Morrigan (who will only engage in heterosexual relationships)? What if one of my characters performs acts of good and charity yet sleeps with everyone possible (including but not limited to: a pirate queen, prostitutes of varying races and genders, deflowering an elven virgin, and schtupping almost every important character besides Sten and Ohlgren - who are un-schtuppable)? What about my male dwarven noble engaging in a threesome with two female casteless "noble hunters" (the casteless are the lowest of the low in Dwarven society and these women try to impregnated by dwarven nobility in order to move out of the slums and into society) and when my dwarven noble returns to the dwarven realm it turns out of the women is with child? Do I take care of the woman and child or cast them aside (for the record I did the correct thing)? Do I allow a mother to sacrifice herself for her son? Do I sacrifice a friend for her mother? Do I murder a child? Do I allow demons to possess children and roam the earth? Do I let imprisoned demons roam free simply for monetary gain? Is it unscrupulous to do the demon's bidding for my own selfish rewards, only to trick it in the end and killing it for even greater gain? Do I bring brutal justice to a man who has done wrong - though he thought he was doing was right and his daughter begs me for justice? Do I dump bodies down a well? Should I tell the Chantry to seek the light of Andraste in my butt?

And some people are worried that there might be the possibility of a chance of an option of a PG level love scene between two digital characters of the same gender? Or are people worried they may like it?

Side note: I think The Sims is a dirtier game than any console RPG. Besides "dirty gay sex" and polyamory, the high level of emotional manipulation seems cruel and unusual. Not to mention that a Sim usually is murdered horribly when boredom sets in.

PS Further proof Bioware is gay brainwashing us, Mass Effect dirty gay alien sex. Interplanetary filth!

Dragon Age: Origins Final(?) Thoughts

Well I finished Dragon Age: Origins play-through one. I've started several other characters and deleted others. My favorite character has been Hrothgarn, Dwarven Noble Warrior. I ended up calling him "Cuisinart" due to the two runed up swords he was slicing and dicing with. Snikity snak indeed. Another favorite was a female mage who ended up being a really unpleasant character, treated everyone like shit, and killed pretty much everything and everyone in the way.

My current character is going to be a human rogue with a penchant for grenades and traps.

Dragon Age: Origins is a good game, from start to finish. The story was fantastic, the characters developed nicely, and oddly enough I even grew fond of some of them. Alistair can still go take a long walk off a short pier.

I have to admit that, in the wake of Fallout 3, Dragon Age: Origins seems to leave me wanting...more. My first complete playthrough only took about 60 hours and other playthroughs have just taken less time. While I can play through several times and in fact start a new character just to really tweak my stats - plus there's one or two things I have forgotten to steal, ahem...purchase for a fair price - ultimately there's a vague sense of...meh. I suppose it is like picking up "Game of Thrones" and realizing that "Clash of Kings" ain't comin' out for awhile.

All in all a great game, very enjoyable and exciting, and good enough that I keep playing it. Nice work Bioware. Now don't screw up the DLC.



I lifted this cheat from wikicheats.com

There is an unfixed glitch in where the player is able to raise his/her level in relatively no time at all. In Ostagar, you will be required to obtain three vials of Darkspawn blood and the Grey Warden treaties as part of your ritual to become one of the infamous Grey Wardens. It is well known that if you obtain the three vials of Darkspawn blood and go back to Duncan without the treaties, you will recieve the XP for completing the quest without, well, actually completing the quest. This can be repeated as many times as the player likes in order to reach high levels in no time at all.

Chile paper rough draft. DO NOT PLAGIARIZE!

Okay, here's the rough draft. I've sent it to a few people but here's a "cleaner" version. There's still a great deal missing and editing to be done. Whatever comments/ideas/thoughts/concerns you may have are welcome and appreciated.

From Caral to Tenochtitlan:
A selection of the ritual uses and folklore concerning Capsicum in Pre-Columbian Societies

A note on the term and various spellings of chile:
The term “chile” refers to the fruit of the Genus Capsicum plant from the Solanaceae (nightshade) family. In Nahuatl, the language of the Aztecs, the fruits are referred to as chillies. This is the source of the Spanish chile. In the Mendoza Codex, the chile is called aji; “from the Arawak axi”[1]. The Inca “called them "uchu" in the Quechua language; and "huayca" in the Aymara language.”[2] Chili refers to the popular dish, known in some sections of the United States as a “bowl of red”[3]. To take a cue from Jean Andrews and Sophie D. Coe I will simply use the term capsicum for the purposes of this paper.
* * *
Millennia before McIlhenny’s Tabasco sauce became a global household name, or the habanero lost its Guinness Book of World Records title as “hottest chili pepper in the world” (a title now held by the Bhut Jolokia aka Ghost Chile), and before Columbus ever set foot on Hispaniola capsicum played a significant role in every major empire in the Pre-Columbian world. Indeed, the domestication and cultivation of the capsicum plant is one of the most significant agricultural developments in the history of the world. The role of capsicum in the Pre-Columbian world went far beyond most modern G4 usages. The plant was no mere condiment but an integral part of life, culinary and otherwise. Pre-Columbian societies used capsicum not only as victual or condiment but also as; a medicine with a wide range of curative properties, a monetary unit, a punishment for children, an integral part of religious ceremonies, and in some cases part of their creation myths. Regardless of the region, reigning power, or dominant mythos capsicum played a vital role in the life cycle of peasants and royalty alike.

Capsicum was one of the earliest domesticated plants in the Western Hemisphere. During the Bronze Age (4th Millennium BCE – 400 BCE) Mesopotamians were ______, ______, ______, and ______. Almost nine thousand miles away other great civilizations waxed and waned, developing similar skill sets. Scientists estimate that humans (ranging from the modern Southwestern United States to South America) consumed the self-pollinating plant during the Pre-Ceramic ages. In the February 16, 2007 article in Science magazine capsicum microfossils were discovered at Valdivian sites in Loma Alta and Real Alto (both are located in modern southwestern Ecuador). Capsicum starches recovered at those sites dates from over six thousand years ago (along with other culinary mainstays such as maize, manioc, and arrowroot).[4] Archaeological work on numerous other sites has proven the agricultural presence of capsicum. Traces of capsicum plants have been uncovered[5] in dig-sites at the Norte Chico City of Caral (thought to be one of the oldest pyramid complexes in the West[6]). These sites and others including Nasca[7], Real Alto[8], Huaca Prieta, Peru and Ceren El Salvador were both community and religious centers. Based on research concerning later civilizations, it is safe to hypothesize that capsicum played a _______________.

Another example of capsicum association with religious imagery is the Tello Obelisk - recovered from Chavín de Huantar, Peru (c 1000 BCE). The carving depicts a caiman holding chiles (illustrated in Jean Andrews’ Peppers). The caiman (a smaller member of the Alligatoridae family found throughout Central and Southern America) is a sacred animal in those regions and continues to be a recurring motif in art. Any creature that could devour a jaguar was worthy of respect and idolatry[9].

A great deal of information dealing with myths of the ancient Americas has been lost due to Diego De Landa (and the Aztecs before him[10]). It is difficult to believe that only the Inca have a dedicated capsicum god in their creation myth, Ayar Uchu. Despite the importance of chiles (as predominant as salt and maize) in Mesoamerica, cultures have (within an admittedly narrow scope of research) no mention of a specialized chile patron deity (or deities). Unclear myths or information is not readily available. Also important to note is that there are a vast number of gods and goddesses any number of which could regionally change (in the case of many Aztec deities have several roles) as well as widespread syncretism. Additionally, a vast amount of information lost due to the Roman Catholic propensity for immolating “heretical” native texts.
The Incan creation myth is the only one with widely accessible information that clearly shows the mythological importance of capsicum in Pre-Columbian civilizations. To grant such a position of power to the plant (placing capsicum on a level of importance with salt) is surprising. None of the Children of the Sun were involved with standard crops, such as manioc or potatoes, only salt and capsicum are anthropomorphized. There is debate as to whether wild quinoa (Ayar) was anthropomorphized as well, “To the Incas, quinoa (Chenopodium quinoa) was a food so vital that was considered sacred. In their language, Quechua, it is referred to as chisiya mama or “mother grain.”[11] Further explanation of the term “Ayar”: Gary Urton Inca Myths UT-Austin Press 1993?

There are several interpretations of the Inca creation myth. The most widely accepted tale is based on the Viracocha (explain?) legend. Inti the Sun God (Creator God) shaped the Incan ancestors, four brothers and four sisters. As Brundage succinctly wrote, “[Inti] had commissioned them to establish dominion over the world, to conquer, to despoil, and to administer in his name.”[12] These holy beings were created by the conquering Inca as proof of the divine right of Inca rule.

Among these beings was the legendary first Incan king, Manco Cápac. His brothers: Ayar Awka (troublesome brother), Ayar Kachi (brother salt), and Ayar Uchu (“brother chile pepper”[13]) and their respective sister-wives followed Manco Cápac and his bride.[14] These “Children of the Sun”[15] sallied forth from the House of Windows on Pacarientambo (a mountain roughly twenty miles southeast of modern Cuzco) in pairs seeking the land where they could prosper and bring civilization to the unruly and primitive people who populated the Earth.[16]
After many adventures and arduous travels the People of the Sun found themselves on the slopes of Huanacauri, overlooking the valley of Cuzco from the south; there Ayar Uchu was transformed into a huaca. A huaca or guaca connotes a holy place and includes idols, graves, and other places of worship[17]. These huaca would become “revered as shrines of surpassing sanctity”.[18] At the huaca, dedicated as Ayar Uchu Huanacauri[19], huarachico (rites of initiation for young men into the Inca knighthood Inca coming of age ritual Raymi Festival[20]) took place at the site. Ayar Uchu would also become one of the patron gods of Cuzco.[21] After this point in the myth (as far as current available research has led) capsicum does not play a major role in the tale. The capsicum did not fall out of favor with the Inca, indeed capsicum continued to hold a position of power in Inca life.

The Maya are an enigmatic bunch. The information I was able to find did not place capsicum in a major role other than an abstract parable about a rat who wanted chiles for his soup in Tedlock’s 1996 edition of Popol Vuh[22].

There are a handful of tales related to Quetzalcoatl. The god ate at capsicum on several occasions. In “The Deeds of Ce Acatl” written in the Codex Chimalpopoca there is a passage that reads, “They cover them [fallen foes] with hot pepper, cut up their flesh a little. And after they’ve tortured them, they cut open their breasts.”[23]

One of more amusing stories involving capsicum and the Winged Serpent is the ribald tale revolving around Titlacauan (an evil sorcerer who plagues Quetzalcoatl throughout his incarnations) manifesting himself as a Huaxtec Chili-Vendor:

And here is still another thing that Titlacauan brought about in order to bode ill. He appeared in the form of; he represented a Huaxtec, an inhabitant of the hot and fertile lands to the east. He just walked about with his virile member hanging, he sold green chilis.[24]

Whether or not capsicum was a cultural metaphor for virility is open to interpretation. However, based on global folklore regarding fertility and the purported aphrodisiacal qualities of capsicum it is safe to assume that Maya got the wink and the nudge.

Due to the rampant syncretism in Aztec myth, it is excruciatingly difficult to discern whether or not the Aztecs recognized a single capsicum deity (as with the Incan Ayar Uchu). In Kandell’s La Capital: the History of Mexico City he explains that even their primary deity, Huitzilopochtli, was “not originally an Aztec God”[25]. Huitzilopochtli was worshipped by the Teotihuacan (c.400-600 AD), nearly a thousand years before the Aztecs conquered Mesoamerica.[26] That is not to say Aztec culture did not make extensive use of capsicum and with the number of deities worshipped it would be false to assume there was not a dedicated capsicum deity.

Holmer mentions one god in his The Aztec Book of Destiny in association with capsicum, the Monster God Xolotl, twin brother of Huitzilopochtli. Holmer describes a healing ritual dedicated to Xolotl using capsicum. By consuming and burning capsicum (combined with a drop of the person’s blood, cactus needles, and incense) at midnight the practitioner petitions the god for good health and spiritual well being.[27] Additionally, on page fifty-two of The Aztec Book of Destiny there is an illustration of Xolotl and Tlachitonatìuh with a capsicum clearly depicted between the two gods.

In Fray Diego Durán’s Book of the Gods and Rites he describes the use of capsicum during the week-long festival devoted to the dual-natured goddess Chicomecoatl/Chalchiuhcihuatl. The festival of Chalchiuhcihuatl began after a good harvest and lasted from the seventh to the fifteenth of September and features capsicum. Chicomecoatl was responsible for frosts and crop failure. The first day was a grand event, with much merry-making and feasting. A slave girl was adorned and worshipped as Chicomecoatl on this first day. The week following was marked by fasting in an attempt to appease the goddess Atlatonan. Atlatonan was responsible for both causing and healing birth defects, leprosy, and lesions. From the second day of this festival to the end, a second slave girl was adorned with raiments (?) and offerings of the harvest bounty in appreciation of Chalchiuhcihuatl (I jokingly called her a personified cornucopia). Durán goes into great detail about the festival, detailing the enforced fasting, the solemnity of the week’s worship, and the girl’s demise. Capsicum (along with corn and squash) was included in her vestments, palanquin, and funeral pyre.[28]

As with the Incan deification of capsicum the ritual use or rather the prohibition of use allows for a glimpse into the significance of the fruit. Pre-Columbians loved fasting and penance as much as the Catholics did. The Maya, Inca, and Aztec cultures used capsicum and salt in nearly every meal, daily or otherwise. Throughout many of the sources (both primary and secondary) examined in this study ritualized denial of capsicum has been a constant. Gallenkamp notes in regard to the Maya, “Nearly every ritual was preceded by fasting (meat, chili peppers, and salt were particularly taboo), sexual abstinence, and purification rites.”[29]
“The Incas had strict fasts: one consisted of only maize and water, the maize being uncooked and minute in quantity. After three days they were permitted some uncooked herbs, aji, and salt but nothing else with their single daily meal of maize.”[30] Incan fasting[31] included penance for having children with birth defects[32]
More fasting[33]

Capsicum have a long history of being used in rituals and practices ranging from birth to death.[34] There are examples in the Pre-Columbian codices of the role capsicum played. The Mendoza Codex contains an illustration depicting the use of capsicum smoke as a punishment for errant children[35]. One the left a mother holds her son over a fire billowing noxious smoke. To the right is a young girl threatened with the same punishment.

Capsicum was also used in other forms of punishment and as penance (it seems that fasting was the most predominant form of penance besides execution). Proof or examples? Was capsicum used to punish adulterers, drunkards (in Aztec culture this carried the death penalty), or any variety of criminal?

Offerings made during Dia De Los Muertes often include capsicum in order to attract the dead.[36] It is for this reason that capsicums were banned at Incan funerals. The dead would be drawn to the fruit (capsicum are often associated with the element fire and life) or confused by any smoke produced by burning capsicum. RE: Conversation w/ Dr. Chandler-Ezell.
As in nearly every other aspect of Pre-Columbian life, capsicum was also used during human sacrifices and anthropophagy. Ritualized (and widespread) cannibalism show humans were not used as a bridge food (a term applied to food eaten during times of famine and other duress) and is mentioned by Bernardino de Sahagún, Durán, Bernal Diaz and several codices.[37] One particular dish mentioned in several accounts, Tlacataolli (which translates roughly to “maize and man stew”) featured capsicum, chocolate, and other ingredients in copious amounts.

Conclusion:
Many of the ancient uses of chiles prevail today, though cannibalism is not widely practiced (or socially acceptable). Capsicum has become an international economic powerhouse. It features in medicinal products, and _____
Most of texts I have found are a decade old. While in most historical cases such a minimal expanse of time would be laughable, in the last ten years (1999-2009) a great deal has happened to capsicum.
Modern societies whose culinary cultures are associated with capsicum heavy dishes (i.e. Sichuan and Hunan cuisines, curries, masalas, vindaloos, a wide range of African dishes) in fact had no contact with the plant until after the European landing in the southern Americas in 1492 AD. Yet the plant became ingrained in society enough that it appeared in sculpture

[1] Michael Krondl, The Taste of Conquest: the Rise and Fall of the Three Great Cities of Spice, New York: Ballantine Books, 2008 pg 169.
[2] Janis McPhilomy,"Looking back at the chile pepper." Borderlands 9 (Spring 1991): 8, 14. Borderlands: EPCC Libraries.
[3] Tolbert, Frank X. A Bowl of Red. Dallas: Taylor Pub. Co., 1988.
[4] Starch Fossils and the Domestication and Dispersal of Chili Peppers (Capsicum spp. L.) in the Americas http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/sci;315/5814/986
[5] Isbel, William Harris & Helaine Silverman. Andean Archaeology III: North and South. New York: Springer, 2006, 49.
[6] http://www.philipcoppens.com/caral.html
[7] Isbel, William Harris & Helaine Silverman. Andean Archaeology III: North and South. New York: Springer, 2006, 391.
[8] Slovak, Nicole. "Real Alto". In Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History. New York: The Metropolitan Museum of Art, 2000–. http://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/real/hd_real.htm (October 2003)
[9] Elizabeth P Benson, Birds and Beasts of Ancient Latin America. (Gainesville: University Press of Florida, 1997), 99-101.
[10] Brundage, Burr Cartwright. A Rain of Darts. Austin: University of Texas, 1972.
[11] National Research Council (U.S.). Panel on Lost Crops of the Incas,. Lost crops of the Incas : little-known plants of the Andes with promise for worldwide cultivation : report. National Academy Press, 1989.
[12] Burr Cartwright Brundage, Empire of the Inca, (Norman: University of Oklahoma Press, 1963), 9-14.
[13] Janis McPhilomy, "Looking back at the chile pepper." Borderlands 9 (Spring 1991): 8, 14. Borderlands. EPCC Libraries.
[14] D’Altroy uses the spelling “Manqo Qhapaq”. Terence N. D’Altroy, The Incas, (Malden: Blackwell, 2003), 49-52.
[15] Donna Rosenberg, World Mythology: an Anthology of the Great Myths and Epics. 2nd Edition. (Chicago: NTC Publishing Group, 1994), 472-475.
[16] Burr Cartwright Brundage, Empire of the Inca, (Norman: University of Oklahoma Press, 1963), 9-14.
[17] Cobo, Father Bernabe. Inca Religion & Customs. Trans, Roland Hamilton. Austin: University of Texas, 1990, 10.
[18] Terence N. D’Altroy, The Incas. Malden: Blackwell, 2003.
[19] Catherine J. Julien, Reading Inca History. Iowa City: University of Iowa Press, 2000, 188.
[20] Cobo, Father Bernabe. Inca Religion & Customs. Translated Roland Hamilton. Austin: University of Texas, 1990, 149.
[21] Cobo, Father Bernabe. Inca Religion & Customs. Translated Roland Hamilton. Austin: University of Texas, 1990, 149.
[22] Dennis Tedlock. Popol Vuh: The Definitive Edition of the Mayan Book of the Dawn of Life and the Glories of Gods and Kings. (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1996), 111-112.
[23] Bierhorst, John translator. History and Mythology of the Aztecs: The Codex Chimalpopoca. Tuscon: University of Arizona Press, 1992.
[24] León-Portilla, Miguel. Native Mesoamerican Spirituality: Ancient Myths, Discourses, Stories, Doctrines, Hymns, Poems from the Aztec, Yucatec, Quiche-Maya and Other Sacred Traditions. (New York: Paulist Press, 1980), 155-160.
[25] Jonathan Kandell, La Capital: The Biography of Mexico City. (Owl Books. New York 1990), 27.
[26] Christy G. Turner & Jacqueline A Turner, Man Corn: Cannibalism and Violence in the Prehistoric American Southwest (Salt Lake City: University of Utah Press, 1999), 421.
[27] Rick Holmer, The Aztec Book of Destiny, (North Charleston: BookSurge LLC, 2005) 91.
[28] Durán, Fray Diego. Book of the Gods and Rites & The Ancient Calendar. Translated and edited by Fernando Horcasitas & Doris Heyden. Norman: University of Oklahoma Press, 1975.
[29] Charles Gallenkamp, Maya: The Riddle and Rediscovery of a Lost Civilization (Brattleboro: The Book Press, 1985), 109.
[30] Jean Andrews, Peppers: The Domesticated Capsicums. Austin: University of Texas Press, 1995, 29.
[31] Cobo, Father Bernabe. Inca Religion & Customs. Translated Roland Hamilton. Austin: University of Texas, 1990, 124.
[32] Cobo, Father Bernabe. Inca Religion & Customs. Translated Roland Hamilton. Austin: University of Texas, 1990, 200.
[33] León-Portilla, Miguel. Native Mesoamerican Spirituality: Ancient Myths, Discourses, Stories, Doctrines, Hymns, Poems from the Aztec, Yucatec, Quiche-Maya and Other Sacred Traditions. New York: Paulist Press, 1980, 95.
[34] Dave DeWitt, The Whole Chile Pepper Book. New York: Little Brown,1990.pg 101
[35] Ross, Kurt (commentaries). Codex Mendoza: Aztec Manuscript. Productions Liber S.A., CH-Fribourg, 1978. 80.
[36] Rebolledo, Tey Diana & María Teresa Márquez. Women’s Tales from the New Mexico WPA: La Diabla a Pie. Houston: Arte Público Press, 2000.
[37] Christy G. Turner & Jacqueline A. Turner, Man Corn: Cannibalism and Violence in the Prehistoric American Southwest. Salt Lake City: University of Utah Press, 1999. pg 417

“I’ll smash the first guy who says ‘It’s all Greek to me’!”

The Cultural Relevance of Classical Mythology in The Three Stooges Meet Hercules

The myths of ancient Greece have long been a deep well from which authors, artists, and creative minds have drawn inspiration from. The influence of Greek culture on the development of Western Civilization has run the gamut; from the loftiest ideals of politics and philosophy to advertisers’ renditions of Cupid and providing fodder for B-movie plots. That the myths and legends of a civilization more than two thousand years still bear relevance in Western culture is impressive to say the least. Yet classical mythology is not relegated to the Ivory Towers of Academia or opera houses or other bastions of intellectual snobbery. The true staying power of classical mythology is its accessibility to the everyman, even if a person has no background concerning the works of Hesiod, Virgil, Euripides, or even Hamilton. To remove the pretentiousness surrounding classical myth is ensure its survival. As Peter Schaffer’s Mozart states, “Come on now, be honest! Which one of you wouldn't rather listen to his hairdresser than Hercules? Or Horatius, or Orpheus... people so lofty they sound as if they shit marble!” (Shaffer).

In searching for a modern form of entertainment that has made use of Classical mythology I found that I was not lacking in choices. In the last hundred years cinema has made great use of ancient stories ranging from: My Fair Lady (which has its roots in the tale of Pygmalion) to the famed special effects work of Ray Harryhausen on Jason and the Argonauts and Clash of the Titans to the Italian pepla (“sword and sandal”) movies (filmed in lurid Technicolor and sporting titles like Hercules and the Captured Women) to the domestic box office disappointment Troy. My searching ended up focused on the tale of Hercules. I was familiar with Steve Reeves’ Labors of Hercules (1958) and Hercules (1959) and the Reg Park Hercules series of films ranging from 1961-1965. I had seen the Kevin Sorbo series Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1995-1999) on television. I had even seen Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1970 film Hercules in New York on UHF Channel 62 one Saturday afternoon two decades ago. Lou Ferrigno starred as Hercules in two Italian films in the early 1980s. Hercules has apparently not been a subject of interest for film-auteurs like Ingmar Bergman or Francis Ford Coppola.

One film that stood apart from the rest of the B-listers was The Three Stooges Meet Hercules (1962). My curiosity was piqued. More accurately my morbid curiosity was piqued. I had to watch this Stooges film, if only for the presumed fact that it would be of such poor quality that not even the crew of Mystery Science Theater 3000 would touch it. I was expecting a train wreck but was pleasantly surprised. Not only were there more laughs to be had than in most twenty-first century comedies but after watching the film I was surprised by the amount of depth in a Three Stooges film. When I began looking at the reasons why the film was made (including the cultural timeframe) I noticed how the reemergence of the myth of Hercules and the concept of hyper-masculinity in post-World War II societies coincided.

Before discussing The Three Stooges Meet Hercules it is important to mention the mainstreaming of bodybuilding. The pre-World War II development of Charles Atlas (who is still billed as a modern day Hercules), the popularity of Muscle Beach, and the establishment of the Mr. Universe competition (Steve Reeves and Reg Park were both winners of the competition) all laid the groundwork for Hercules to make a comeback. To the Greeks he was the ultimate man physically, so it’s only natural for him to become a template for modern bodybuilders. For a deeper insight into the role of bodybuilding and masculinity influencing the Pepla genre (1957-1965) a number of books have been written on the subject, including Stephen Flassiter’s sadly out of print Muscles, Myths and Movies: An Acquired Taste on Video Guide to the Cinematic Adventures of Hercules.

The Three Stooges Meet Hercules is an amusing satire of bodybuilding and Italian pepla, cashing in on the popularity of the film genre with movie goers. The Stooges were enjoying resurgence in popularity in the late 1950s as well. They had renewed their contract with Columbia Pictures for several feature length films. The Three Stooges Meet Hercules became their highest grossing feature film.

The basic premise is the Stooges work in a pharmacy in Ithaca, New York. Their friend is a goofy scientist Schulyer (Quinn K. Redeker) who is busy working on a time machine. Hijinks ensue and the Stooges, Schulyer, and romantic interest Vicki Trickett (Diana Quigley) and transported back in time to Ithaca, Greece. Through a series of misunderstandings the guys cause Ulysses to lose the throne. King Odious, backed by Hercules (Samson Burke), seizes the throne and the girl and put our heroes on a slave galley. The movie takes off from there, working with classic sight gags, double entendres, and general mayhem – there is even a pie fight/chariot chase at the climax of the movie.

Directed by Edward Bernds, the film plays with many classical mythology conventions. A good deal of the humor in The Three Stooges Meet Hercules is based on an assumed knowledge of Classical mythology. Most of the humor relies on sight gags and subtle asides but the real gems rely on the source material. For instance: after Curly Joe incites Hercules’ rage by accidentally tossing a cup of wine in Hercules’ face, Hercules begins to crush Curly Joe’s head between his forearm and bicep. The evil lord says to Hercules, “How many times do I have to tell you? Not in the palace.” This subtly alludes to the classical Hercules’ penchant for manslaughter. Indeed, Hercules is portrayed as a mindless brute until his comeuppance.

Familiarity of Classical mythology continues through several characters. Theseus is portrayed as a bloated buffoon upon his pleasure boat. Played for pure ham by Hal Smith this is not the Theseus as hero. Hal Smith is one of the high points of the movie. In a sharp departure from the Classical myths it is Theseus who sets Schulyer and the Stooges upon their quest not Eurystheus. They have convinced Theseus that Schulyer is Hercules because of the guns he has developed during his time in the slave galley. Theseus offers the lads a job. The lads begin taking on the labors, not for any glorious cause, but for cold hard cash. There is a long section of the film where the Stooges are promoting Schuyler/Hercules in arena fights. The hydra is mentioned and the Lion of Nimea is fought (using a real lion). The jokes keep rolling in. There is a face off between the real Hercules and Schulyer during which Hercules learns his lesson, Kind Odious is deposed, the girl is rescued, and the time machine whisks our heroes home.
The Cold War, Pax Americana, undertones in The Three Stooges Meet Hercules are, as a 21st Century viewer, difficult to ignore. There are several moments, whether intentional or otherwise, in the film that caused me to rewind the scene. One moment in particular, the climax of the film during which Schuyler defeats Hercules; Schulyer demands that Hercules live up to his modern day reputation as a hero, a supporter of justice and liberty.

Ultimately, The Three Stooges Meet Hercules is a fairly disposable piece of early sixties fluff. That being said, the writing is sharp and the comedy is excellent. The tongue in cheek references to Hercules and other characters and events in classical mythology make for some enjoyable viewing.

I'm not dead.

It's that time of year. Don't have much to review unless you nice folks want an annotated bibliography. I'm behind on movies, games, and assorted stuff. I will be posting some stuff ASAP, including a final impression review of Dragon Age: Origins and DLC for Dragon Age: Origins as well as Borderlands.

Hope you guys had a good Thanksgiving.