Tuesday, January 10, 2012

"One does not simply make a sixteen pound ham in Mordor": Part 3

After three hours in a cauldron kept at a rolling boil, Hamzilla has been transferred into a 350 oven.  Yes, I named this giant block of swine Hamzilla.  I also administered a heavy dose of crawfish boil sauce to the mix. The olfactory impact of my apartment right now is a mash-up of the end of 2001 and the opening credits of Superjail.  If it weren't for the fact I was going to share Hamzilla with normal people I might ratchet the madness up to Do Lung Bridge with the addition of my Chemical X chile paste.

"We can't stop here.  This is ham country."

*Begin transmission*

"My crew is gone, consumed by...something.  Only I am left.  It came for Strangepork first, then First Mate Piggy.  I tried to save her.  I tried to save us all.  Captain Link Hogthrob, final entry.  May God have mercy on us all.." GUNSHOT.

*End transmission*

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