After three hours in a cauldron kept at a rolling boil, Hamzilla has been transferred into a 350 oven. Yes, I named this giant block of swine Hamzilla. I also administered a heavy dose of crawfish boil sauce to the mix. The olfactory impact of my apartment right now is a mash-up of the end of 2001 and the opening credits of Superjail. If it weren't for the fact I was going to share Hamzilla with normal people I might ratchet the madness up to Do Lung Bridge with the addition of my Chemical X chile paste.
"We can't stop here. This is ham country."
"My crew is gone, consumed by...something. Only I am left. It came for Strangepork first, then First Mate Piggy. I tried to save her. I tried to save us all. Captain Link Hogthrob, final entry. May God have mercy on us all.." GUNSHOT.