Cold Creek Manor (2003) dir Mike Figgis

Cold Creek Manor is an excellent example of why XBOX 360 Video Marketplace needs to have more coherent information in their movie descriptions. For example, if I had known that the movie had Sharon Stone, Dennis Quaid, Stephen Dorff, and Juliette Lewis in it I never would have watched it.

I don't want to say that Cold Creek Manor was terrible but y'know what? It wasn't even bad enough to be terrible. Mike Figgis (Leaving Las Vegas, Stormy Monday) knows how to make a movie look pretty and get halfway decent performances out of his actors. Dennis Quaid is an actor I like and I don't think he gets a fair shake most of the time. Sharon Stone, meh, I like her in Casino. Stephen Dorff kind of rules. Juliette Lewis is an actress I wish Shia LaBeef would roll his SUV over. On the upside - and I do not support, condone, or advise domestic violence - Stephen Dorff straight up decks Juliette Lewis. Dennis Quaid decks Sharon Stone but accidentally and for a tension relieving laugh. Wow...that sounds terrible.

The whole premise is Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone are New Yorkers who move their family to Upstate and have a terrible time with the locals (Dorff and Lewis). There's some...I dunno...bullshit about slaughterhouses and the "Devil's Throat" and "Hammerhand" and murder and is it a ghost story? is it a thriller? is it a mystery? is anything going to happen? by the time anything happens am I going to care? when will it end? will stephen dorff fall through the window foreshadowed in the beginning of the movie? is there more popcorn? am I really hungry or just bored hungry?