Monday, February 13, 2012

Flash reviews: Real Steel, No Strings Attached, Drive, I Love You Phillip Morris

Last night I was too exhausted to play video games and too over-tired to sleep so I watched a bunch of movies. None are really worth a extensive review but 'ere we go:


  • Real Steel (2011)  The movie isn't very good and plays out as a boy's wish fulfillment movie.  That being said, I really enjoyed it and if I had seen it as a kid it would have been one of my favorite movies.  The middle section of the movie is pretty cool and the giant fighting robots are fucking rad.  GIANT.  FIGHTING. ROBOTS.
  • No Strings Attached (2011)  Ivan Reitman helmed this rom-com and while it is not particularly good there are some fairly amusing sex jokes and as far as rom-coms go this was better than your average Julia Roberts schlock.  The scene where Ashton Kutcher wakes up naked from a rough night is particularly funny.
  • Drive (2011) - Ryan Gosling plays a stuntman who is a getaway driver at night.  It's a neo-retro-noir, indie slow/boring punctuated with ultraviolence (seriously fucking hard ultraviolence actually - I winced at two scenes) sort of like Way of the Gun (but not) sort of like To Live and Die in LA (but not).  Not sure if I liked it but I liked it a lot more than any of Michael Mann's movies.  Really well shot and Albert Brooks was bad-ass and the music was actually kind of awesome.
  • I Love You Phillip Morris (2009) A love story featuring Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor as two people who meet while in prison.  If you're not comfortable with the thought of those two actors making out and being couple-y then you're probably gonna wanna skip this movie.  If you're cool with it then I Love You Phillip Morris is a weird indie movie about Carrey who is a master con-man Steven who meets and fall in love with Phillip Morris (McGregor) while doin his time.  They get out, Steven sets out on a long con...I didn't finish the movie because I went to bed.  I like this movie and plan to finish it.  It's a serious departure from Carrey's regular fare and one of McGregor's few indie movies where you don't see his cock.  Not gonna tell you to run out and see it but it's worth checking out if you're in the market for a prison love story that isn't as depressing as Kiss of the Spider Woman (which is brilliant but depressing as fuck).   

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Thoughts on "Red Tails" and SWTOR space combat

I had to laugh when I read Ebert's review of Red Tails (which I had forgotten about) in which he writes,
Red Tails is entertaining. Audiences are likely to enjoy it. The scenes of aerial combat are skillfully done and exciting.
Yup, sounds perfectly reasonable and though I tend to avoid movies with Cuba Gooding Jr in them I do like movies with Terence Howard in them.  I'd see this in the theater or rent it, if only to watch some ME 262 sexiness.

I don't know why everyone is Lucas Lucas Lucas about Red Tails - he's just the executive producer though that might be like saying Steven Spielberg was just the executive producer on Poltergeist, though Spielberg also wrote and helped edit whereas Lucas only has production credits.

The last few days have been SWTOR-o-rama, as to be expected, and I finally jumped into space combat.  I don't know what took me so long to do so but I'm torn.  It's awesome...but...it's just a rail shooter with lacklustre controls and a time limit.  It's pretty much an easy version of Starfox in Star Wars land.  Frankly it's disappointing and I don't know if there's an excuse for it.  Here's why my ass is chapped:



That's what I'm talking about Nien Nunb!  Pew!  Pew!  EVE had space combat but not like the classic Wing Commander, TIE Fighter school of madness.  Seriously?  Hell just take the same missions from the old Star Wars dog fighters slap a skin on it and we have some awesome.  It's not rocket surgery.
 
I saw on a forum that at this current time BioWare has no plans to expand space combat.  Fuck that shit.  I'm gonna sit here and pout until better space combat appears.  Or until I can go home and run dailies.

Monday, February 06, 2012

"Doomsday Preppers" - Oh for fuck's sake

I saw a banner ad about the new National Geographic show Doomsday Preppers and I felt enough robble robble to write something.

This show reminds me of the Robin Williams/Walther Matthau comedy The Survivors (1983) in which Robin Williams becomes a gun nut survivalist loony while dragging Walther along for the ride.  It's one of my favorite movies and really encapsulates my feelings towards American gun fever, survivalists, and general wackadoodle behavior in general. 

What the fuck is wrong with these people?  The home page calls them, "Otherwise ordinary Americans who are preparing for the end of the world as we know it." These are some nutcases.  Otherwise ordinary Americans are people who like swinging or have OCD or addictions to pain killers and ice cream while maintaining a facade of normality.  These folks are one bad day away from Falling Down II: Ruby Ridge Race War Gunstravagana. 
Now let me say I appreciate those folks who have disaster kits, extra flashlights, water purification tablets, and a shit ton of canned goods.  During hurricane/tornado/blizzard/earthquake seasons (yes I know earthquakes don't have a fucking season) it's generally a good idea to have your shit together in case you lose power for a week.  Hell, knowing basic "survival" skills - e.g. first aid - is pretty useful in general.  I also am a fan of sustainability, urban farming/community gardens, learning to garden, alternative energy sources, and public transportation.

However, training your children to use automatic weapons is fucking retarded.  Why do you own a bullet proof vest?  Do you really think that there will be some catastrophic Bay-splosion that will buttfuck the world as we know it?  Aliens are gonna teabag Lady Liberty in 2012?  Better go buy all the duct tape and gas masks before angry little brown people fuck up your honky world. 

Jesus Christ on a flaming pogostick what the fuck is wrong with people? 

p.s. This "doomsday prepper" mentality is some fucked up selfish behavior.  Bad example Christians.  Bad.  Fuck the Rapture too.          

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

SWTOR: the adventure continues

More like adventures in scavenging scrap metal.  I joke...sort of...let me fill you in on my recent escapades:

I got bored with my Imperial Agent, correction - I got bored with getting my ass kicked because my gear is shite and Agent is just kind of boring to play.  Run into cover, charge shot, shoot, get shot at, and whomped in melee.  It's kind of regrettable because I do like the story.  So I created a bounty hunter (Bessler) and I've had a much better time with her, both in combat and versatility in game play.  However I ended up in the weeds in a crafting skill that while potentially awesome didn't really ring my bell - Cybertech.  Cybertech is cool - it's the craft for mods and droid parts and ship gear - and potentially useful down the road but in the meantime it's kind of less than thrilling craft.  So I started another bounty hunter - after starting an awesomely grizzled looking older woman Republic Trooper and finding out I can't trade gear between Republic and Empire characters (which is kind of lame).  This time I went for a male Rattataki and made the biggest guy I could.  He looks like an alien Buster Bloodvessel.  I slapped the hooliganyouth moniker on this goon and contrary to most male characters I play this guy is actually pretty nice and has been shifting over to Light Side pretty quick (unlike Scoville who is sinking into the Dark Side with rapidity).  So Hooliganyouth, the big moosey, lumbers along and actually looks more like a Space Marine than a Bounty Hunter.  I've noticed a changed in my combat style as well, with this alt I tend to get stuck in pretty quick (the same way I was playing the Republic Trooper) charging into the fray with two blasters, missles, and a flame thrower.  I guess I play him as a Space Marine too.  Wait a second, "For the Emperor!" hmmm...

I decided to go with armortech with hooliganyouth because it seems like the most practical skill for my class to have.  I've heard a lot of chatter about biotech - which allows the crafting of medpacs and stims - and its ease of use/levelling but frankly I don't use stims or medpacs since my companion is my heal monkey and medpac recharge rate is fucking useless at 90 seconds.  Plus I seem to come across a lot of armor drops that I can simply reverse engineer for parts/templates.  Combined with scavenging and slicing I've got a set-up that works for me.  I also have Scoville and Bessler set-up with armstech/investigation/underworld trading and cybertech/slicing/underworld trading respectively so shifting goods and gears back and forth is easy enough.

All in all been having fun, which I'm starting to think is the most important thing in life/recreation. 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Star War: The Old Republic - Impressions up to level 10.

Disclaimer: I'm going to do my best to avoid spoilers for the Imperial Agent story arc.

I used my natural 20 willpower to avoid downloading SWTOR...wait, I have no willpower and purchased SWTOR after work on Saturday.  It was a 25GB download which by the time I could actually play I was pretty drunk and I had to work the next day.  My initial impression of the game was good, I think,  like I said I was pretty drunk, I do remember having serious issues with the mouse/keyboard control.  Sunday after work though I was able to have a better experience (sober) playing.  I think I will always have problems with the mouse/keyboard set up (thirty years of console gaming compared with less than five PC gaming).  I've been having a pain in the ass trying to get a wireless 360 controller hooked up to my PC so I'm gonna switch over to a regular controller (hopefully before this weekend).  SWTOR is going to play a lot smoother for me once I get a controller mapped.  As is my movement is stop and start and combat is kind of static - which sucks because combat in SWTOR is kind of awesome.

I joked about SWTOR being to WoW what G+ is to FB.  It looks better, it's cooler, I like it more even though the controls are kind of weird, nothing is really explained so you have to learn by trial and error, and I'm usually alone except for one or two other people (I'm on a light use PvE server which might account for something).

But is SWTOR good?  Yes, and more importantly it's fun and it's a Star Wars that doesn't have suck attached to it.  I've caught myself *theatrical gasp* enjoying my gaming experience and the locations I'm playing in (another reason I want to map a controller is better camera control so I can actually look at the environs easily).  The designers did a great job of creating something new and awesome while at the same time keeping within bounds of the 'verse (see?  was that so fucking hard?).  Granted SWTOR is from the fine folks at Bioware so this level of quality was to be expected.  Here's a run down of the good, the bad, and the Hutt.
  • The best part of this game so far is that I'm actually playing a character in a MMO, with a story, a personality and...uh...wait, really?  For some reason it just kind of struck me that, in my limited experience with MMOs, I haven't really played a character.  I've just been running around gathering resources to build shit (or being sent by NPCs to do their grunt work).  There have been a couple of step'n'fetch quests but these have been minimal for the most part.  Some of the missions have been pretty cool, particularly those story based.
  • I'm also aware of playing a role as an Imperial Agent and for some reason I've been playing her a little cagier than my normal chaotic good.  Now the dialogue choices use the Bioware three responses which kind of telegraph positive, negative, neutral.  "Would you like a cheese sandwich?"
    • 1. Why yes please and thank you.
    • 2. I already ate.
    • 3. I'll fuckin have you killed!
  • I haven't really explored how companion and advanced skills work.  I like being able to send my lackey to do step'n'fetch quests without really having to do anything.  This must be what it feels like to ab a NPC, "You there, go find this thing for me while I remain in this cantina.  Move along.  Chop, chop."
  • Jo Wyatt does an excellent job as voice actress for the female Imperial Agent.  Having a voiced character with a kick ass accent?  Fuckin sweet!
  • Which leads me to the point that the voice acting in this game is astoundingly good and varied (though a couple of static background NPCs have the same dialogue which made me laugh everytime I heard the guy in a cantina trying to pick up a chick.  I just imagined him saying that to any chick who walked by).  Even dialogue for side quest NPCs is good and well-voiced.  Nicely done Bioware.  High five!
On the downside:
  • Learning the controls and what all what does has been kind of a pain in the ass.  Correction - the basic controls are the same as every other MMO but nothing is particularly explained.  For example the game advised me to check the codex for info about my companion.  Uh, where the fuck is the Codex?  It took me awhile to find it as a tab on the bottom of the quest log.  Another example is trying to figure out what the hell my companion skills were doing or will do.  These are listed in the codex but this was before I figured out where the codex was and before I had selected skills.  Then I read some stuff in the codex about the skills I selected, one of which apparently makes armor for Jedi or some shit, so then I had to figure out if I could change companion skillsFortunately I can, which is going to be something I work on after I read the codex entries.  Alternatively I could have just gone here.
  • I really hate mouse/keyboard controls for basic controls and combat.  I know that some of you hardcore PC gamers are all like controllers are for n00bs but y'know what?  Go fuck yourselves.  You probably have $300 gaming keyboards and have spent decades honing your skills.  Me?  It's like a monkey fucking a football and my fingers start to cramp from all the weird combinations of keys I need to use.  I know a lot of major releases have been mapped to a controller (e.g. Skyrim) and while a controller is shite for menu control, chat, and that type of use in combat it's a huge help for me.  At least have an in-game option to set a controller and keyboard.  What are people with arthritis supposed to do if they want to play?
Other than those two complaints I'm having a good time and will post pictures and assorted schtuff soon.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

While waiting for SWTOR to download

I've had quite a few cues from Williams' Star Wars scores running through my head for the past few days while I was debating about getting into Star Wars: The Old Republic.  For some reason, yesterday or the day before, my brain shifted over to Indiana Jones and I found myself whistling a mash-up of "Duel of the Fates", "Truck Chase" and "Slave Children's Crusade" (which is quite possibly my favorite whistling song).  I caught myself  -and had a laugh at myself knowing Short Run's cues - realizing that most of my early memories are scored by Williams.  Maybe Williams is in my genetic make-up, according to legend my parents went to see Jaws on their first date (I was born a few years later).

I've been a long time soap-boxer about the influence that a score plays on a film (could you imagine Lawrence of Arabia without Maurice Jarre's score?) and the connection between film/score/memory but while I wait for the newest incarnation of Star Wars to download I realize that I can't wait for the Williams brass bang that accompanies the beginning of each Star Wars movie.  Not the scrolling credits, not the wipes, but those first chords of the intro.  Williams is a master of cues and themes and really his four best scores are instantly recognizable: Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Jaws, and Close Encounters of the Third Kind.  Williams has a distinct sonic profile (if that's even a term) which matches the Spielberg/Lucas genre.  I know this may sound absurd but could you imagine Horner or Morricone or Kyd scoring any of these movies?

After losing my train of thought and getting caught up in rewatching Temple of Doom I guess I'll just end this post with Indiana Jones could beat the shit out of Han Solo (plus out fieldwork him).




Saturday, January 14, 2012

My planned Skyrim build

I normally don't use perk calculators on my first play through for different reason than I don't use a guide or FAQs.  I shy away from calculators because I want to avoid spoilers and the like.  However, this time around I want to min/max my character and I also know what skills I need and what I can ditch.  I found this awesome Skyrim Perk Calculator.  Here's what I'm shooting for with an 81 level cap:

  • Heavy Armor
    • Juggernaut V
    • Well Fitted
    • Fists of Steel
    • Cushioned
    • Conditioning
  • Block
    • Shield Wall I
    • Deflect Arrows
    • Elemental Protection
    • Block Runner
    • Shield Charge
  • Smithing
    • Steel
    • Arcane
    • Dwarven
    • Orcish
    • Ebony
    • Daedric
    • Dragon
  • Sneak
    • Stealth I
    • Muffled Movement
  • Lockpicking
    • Novice - Master
  • Pickpocket
    • Light Fingers
    • Night Thief
    • Extra Pockets
  • Speech
    • Haggling I
    • Allure
    • Merchant
    • Bribery
    • Persuasion
  • Alchemy
    • Alchemist V
    • Physician
    • Benefactor
  • Illusion
    • Novice - Master
    • Animage
    • Kindred
    • Quiet Casting
    • Master of the Mind
  • Destruction
    • Novice - Master
    • Augemented Flames II (+50% dmg)
  • Restoration
    • Novice - Master
    • Recovery II (Magicka regen +50%)
    • Respite (Healing spells also regen stamina)
  • Alteration
    • Novice - Master
  • Enchanting
    • Enchanter V
    • Insightful Enchanter
    • Corpus Enchanter
    • Extra Effect (two effects on each item)
This is pretty different from my current build/normal character.  I'm going to skip the melee weapons unless I am just spamming to build levels or running out of magicka - plus the melee system in Skyrim kind of sucks (it's probably awesome but I just suck at melee). 

Skyrim second playthrough: Cheats, nerfs, bugs, cheap tricks, spoilers, followers, and marriage.

NOTE: You might want to skip this post if you haven't gone through the game once.  Possible spoilers.

Yeah I know, I know.  I thought I was done with the Skyrim posts too but I started a secondary character I might have fun sticking with: a Nord mage/tank I named Panzerbjorn.  So far it's been working and it's kind of cool to be using heavy armor and shield with magic.  So here are some tricks I've learned or read about or just stumbled across along with some notes, ideas, and bugs I've come across. 
  • Right after getting out of Helgen I hauled ass down to Rivertown and took care the Sven/Faendal quest.  I recommend helping Faendal because you can have him as a companion and as such when you pay him to train archery you can just into his inventory and take your money back.  Plus Sven is just kind of a putz.
  • Once you have Faendal following you leg it over to Whiterun, pick up the carriage to Markarth, once in Morthal head Eest/Northeast toward The Lover Stone.  This stone gives a +15% bonus to learning all skills, which is pretty fucking sweet, especially as a lower level character.
  • Head back to Markarth and carriage to Riften.  Go to the Temple of Mara and pick up an Amulet of Mara (either for 200 septims or from completing the first of the Mara quest arc).  Having this amulet equipped will enable marriage to certain NPCs (but only one and if they die then tough bananas, no remarriage).
  • To avoid death of a follower/spouse I recommend power levelling to 14 and unlocking the immortal Mjoll the Lioness.  As an "essential" NPC she can't be killed which is pretty fuckin sweet, she can dish out whompins.  She'll use a two handed weapon given the chance but her skills lay with one handed melee.  Plus I like her, she makes me laugh.
  • I was looking around at other followers and oddly enough J'Zargo is supposed to be a pretty awesome mage companion who specializes in heavy armor, unarmed combat, and doesn't have a level cap. 
  • In theory, with Mjoll and by not completeing Alduin's Wall, and with Shadowmere you could have a batshit crazy crew of unkillable NPCs. 
  • An awesome thing about Shadowmere is that the beastie is nigh unkillable and won't attack you if you use him as a training dummy for combat skills.  Granted if spam bashing a daemonic horse in the face with weapons, shields, and spells isn't your idea of a good time then,well nevermind.
  • Leather bracers are absurdly simple to make en masse to power level smithing - one leather and two strips. 
  • Arniel's Endeavour is a Mage College quest that buggy as shit.  In particular if you dual wield the spell that is to be used on that quest then consider the quest null and void.  Stupid bugged quests.
  • I've been saving my perk points, which has made combat kind of difficult so far but I figure once I zip through the quests I want I'll be able to distribute them.  I really wish there was a way to redistribute perk points a la Borderlands but unfortunately there isn't, which sucks.
Thrills and chills ladies and gentlemen.  I'm really just replaying Skyrim because I have fuck all else to play right now and it's kind of fun just running around and exploiting the game.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Star Wars/Trek mashup from cracked.com forums


"What are you gonna do with your life?!?"


See more on Know Your Meme

Another Skyrim meme, thanks for nothin HYR.


The Innkeepers (2012) dir Ti West

I was able to watch an early release of The Innkeepers a few days ago and meant to write a review sooner but I having some time to think about it might have been a good thing. 

You all know how big of a fan I am of Ti West's House of the Devil and how excited I was for The Innkeepers.  Well, The Innkeepers is in no way, shape, or form as good as House of the Devil which isn't really surprising considering that HotD is one of the best American horror movies of the last ten years.  Innkeepers isn't great and I don't think most viewers are going to like it much at all.  Personally I enjoyed it though it has several problems.  On the upside:
  • The acting and dialogue was convincing and natural.  Claire (Sara Paxton) and Luke (Pat Healy) have a co-worker/friend rapport that is pretty familiar.
  • Ti West edited his film really well.  There were a couple of moments where the cinematography and editing were really sharp. 
  • I now have a crush of Sara Paxton and will watch movies with her in them (not a build a shrine crush).
  • Pat Healy looks and sounds like a bizarro Josh in this movie (though he looks more like my buddy Josh instead of me Josh).
  • Kelly McGillis is still awesome.
  • West manages to create dynamic tension through out the movie (and pulls some brilliant tricks to confuse or defuse the tension) but ultimately Innkeepers stumbles once it really should turn it up to 11.  It's tough to explain without any spoilers so just watch the movie.
I am looking forward to watching this again because it was good and enjoyable (and I love Yankee haunted house/inn movies) and it was far superior to a lot of the crap I've seen over the last few years.  I'm planning a follow up review to this one when I watch Innkeepers again.

"One does not simply make a sixteen pound ham in Mordor": Part 3

After three hours in a cauldron kept at a rolling boil, Hamzilla has been transferred into a 350 oven.  Yes, I named this giant block of swine Hamzilla.  I also administered a heavy dose of crawfish boil sauce to the mix. The olfactory impact of my apartment right now is a mash-up of the end of 2001 and the opening credits of Superjail.  If it weren't for the fact I was going to share Hamzilla with normal people I might ratchet the madness up to Do Lung Bridge with the addition of my Chemical X chile paste.

"We can't stop here.  This is ham country."



*Begin transmission*

"My crew is gone, consumed by...something.  Only I am left.  It came for Strangepork first, then First Mate Piggy.  I tried to save her.  I tried to save us all.  Captain Link Hogthrob, final entry.  May God have mercy on us all.." GUNSHOT.

*End transmission*

Monday, January 09, 2012

"C'mon feel the ham!" Epic hamming Part 2

After a long day of helping friends pack and move I like to come home and unwind by cooking a 16lb ham...at 8pm on a Monday night.  Yes friends I finally have a pot big enough - almost - to cook the haunch of piggy I wrote about earlier.  After washing the pot in the bathtub - the kitchen sink wasn't big enough - and prepping the ham by bludgeoning a cave troll with it I have put it on the stove.  I'm following the recommended cooking method simmering in water and then finishing in the oven.  I didn't soak the ham as part of the prep but I don't think should matter too much - hopefully.  I also added three halved lemons, a dozen bay leaves, a can of pear juice, a whole mess of garlic, and a good slug of cider vinegar to the pot.  My plan is to simmer the ham tonight and then finish in the oven tomorrow.  Fortunately I don't have to work until 1pm tomorrow so I can stay up pretty late dealing with the ham.  Also I can run by the store and pick up a few things I need when I bake it.  Pics and further news pending.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Homosexuality in video games - idle thoughts

On December 30, 2011 Andrew Meade wrote an opinion piece on gamasutra.com (one of these best gaming sites out there) titled "Awful Lot of Heterosexuals Around Here" that posits the question, "Can you name three homosexual characters in popular video games that were NOT made by BioWare, Bethesda, or Rockstar?" which cause a mountain of responses (ranging with internet predictability from troll to thoughtful).  On the second of January Anjin Anhut wrote, "A Case For a Gay Protagonist".  I was reminded of Samantha Xu's article I linked back in January 09 about Persona 4's Kanji Tatsumi (also from gamasutra.com).  After reading and rereading these pieces and skimming comments I felt the need to write down a few thoughts and possibly (hopefully) hear what your thoughts were.

My initial response to Mr. Meade's question was Perfect Dark - which had a lesbian protagonist as a selling point.  My second response, and the comment I left with the link on FB, was more sarcastic, "Oh so the sweaty muscle bound meathead protagonists aren't as homoerotic as "Top Gun"volleyball? A "relateable" gay character is going to be as rare, if not more so, as a relatable female protagonist."  I had to laugh because I remembered playing Gears of War co-op with my wife during which she constantly made sweaty burly man-love references and joked about the lack of a smooch button (I can only imagine what she thinks of Vin Diesel's relationship). These other random thoughts appeared in not particular order:

  • In most RPGs in which I can choose my gender I play a female character.  In games like Dragon Age or Mass Effect I am pretty much a libertine.  During a second play-through I play a male character who is equally licentious - even though I play an "evil" character as a male.  I was disappointed I couldn't get into Alistair's pants as a male character (almost as much as I was that I couldn't get into Morgan's pants as a female character).
  • Part of the reason I avoid most online gaming (particularly on XBOX Live) is the constant stream of homophobic (and racist) noise pollution that is uttered by other gamers.  
  • As I jokingly posted on FB a large number of hyper-masculine protagonists in games seem to have escaped from some beefcake homoerotic bondage website or been torn from a Tom of Finland erotic comic.
  • There's also the stereotypical double standard of same-sex relations apparent in games.  Two hot chicks = oh yeah.  Two hot guys = Westboro Baptist Church response.
  • Does it really matter what the sexual proclivities of your protagonist are?  I suppose that if games are used as fantasy fulfillment then yes it might matter to an individual.  However this raises the question about a how player role plays a game like Dragon Age or Mass Effect.  How often do you or I actually play a character in a video game (especially a RPG)?  It's easy enough to pick the good or bad choices during play in most games and exploit NPCs for material gain.
  • One thing I don't understand, and this is perhaps a stupid thought, is the concept that playing a gay (or any other type) protagonist some kind of personal affront?  ZOMG my character is attracted to members of the same sex that must mean I am blah blah blah hyperbole.
I suppose that in the end the mainstream gaming market is still heavily based upon sales to heterosexual white males (in this country).  Less than a handful of games with female protagonists who aren't all T&A exist and those do well with reviewers but make shite for sales (e.g. Between Good & Evil, Hydrophobia).  Black protagonists of either gender are virtually nonexistent (unless you count Elder Scrolls  Redwalls and Borderlands  Soldier).  Personally I'd be happy to play a game that was well-written, with excellent and dynamic character development, and the ability to draw me into an experience that was new, refreshing, and challenged both my gaming abilities and my preconceived notions of what a gaming experience can be.  

More crap on netflix I watched during my week off:

I'm starting to get to the bottom of the barrel of netflix horror/thriller/suspense.  There are a lot of titles I've already seen and my queue is filled with excellent movies but every time I want to watch a movie I don't want to sit through some Godard or Bergman (as much as I love them).  My main interests over the last year or so are Spanish & French supernatural thrillers (the Spanish films are far superior) British and Australian horror/thrillers.  Some of them have been really good but most are okay, better than most of the straight-to-DVD garbage Americans crank out at least.  Here's a run down of some of what I've watched recently in particular order and not limited to horror.
  • Beneath the Dark (2010) dir Chad Feehan.  An indie "Twilight Zone"-esque thriller that's predictable but better than average with an underlying message about taking responsibility for one's actions and the long reaching consequences they can have.  It's not bad at all but don't fall over yourself to see it.
  • Vanishing on 7th Street (2011) dir Brad Anderson.  John Leguizamo = good.  Hayden "NOOOOOOOO!" Christensen = bad.  I was watching this alone and cracking myself up by making "Star Wars" references everytime Christensen was on screen.  Gong.
  • Vamp (1986) dir Richard Wenk.  Despite the suckiness of this movie it kind of fucking rocks simply because it's one of those 80s movies that just don't give a fuck.  Grace Jones goes batshit crazy in this one even though she doesn't say a word.  Gedde Watanabe cracked me up as well.  I wonder what he's doing now.  Pure schlock goodness.
  • Dead Cert (2010) dir Steven Lawson.  London hard cunts vs vampires.  Seriously, this movie wasn't great but it was actually kind of awesome.  I kind of wish it had been a Neil Marshall movie.  Worth watching for some of the performances and a drinking game based on the premise of drinking whenever you can't comprehend the argy bargy robble robble innit dialogue. 
  • Rammbock (2010) dir Marvin Kren.  A German zombie movie that turned out to be pretty good and I have little patience for zombie movies.  This falls squarely into the character driven zombie movie school in which the zombies are just a useful template.  This movie really worked for me because I liked the protagonists and their interactions.  Definitely worth seeing - especially since it was horribly dubbed like We Are the Night.
  • The Violent Kind (2010) dir Mitchell Altieri & Phil Flores.  Bikers vs undead Rockabilly...WTF.  If this movie had been made in the 80s it would been awesome but for some reason it just doesn't work.  I ended up having more fun dismembering gummi bears while watching this than actually watching the movie. 
  • Inheritance (2011) dir Robert O'Hara.  This movie took me completely off guard for several reasons.  The first was that it was a departure from the average horror movie that has a black cast.  Normally a black horror movie tends to be thugs vs monsters with a shitty Dirty South soundtrack and a production quality that is reminiscent of shitty rap videos.  Inheritance has just regular citizens in a tense situation.  Not the world's greatest horror movie and pretty damn predictable but worth a gander if you're looking for something off the beaten path.  Some of the acting was pretty solid as well.
  • Last of the Living (2008) dir Logan McMillan.  A Kiwi zom-com that was okay but not really worth the twenty minutes I watched of it.  Three dumb-asses fight zombies and make gay jokes.  Gong.
  • The Tomb (2009) dir Michael Staininger.  Once upon a time, during a magical time, Fangoria was the go to source for all our horror needs.  Now Fangoria has the same connotation as Wes Craven, that is - total fucking crap.  The hot goth-y chick bad guy didn't even get naked.  Gong.
  • Coffin Rock (2009) dir Rupert Glasson.  An Aussie stalker thriller that turned out to be a great watch.  Well paced with engaging characters and shot really well.  Worth watching but this is not an actioner or erotic thriller, it's a tense character drama.
  • To the Devil a Daughter (1976) dir Peter Sykes.  I was sold on this movie from the beginning which opens with a segment of dialogue that was sampled in White Zombie's "Super-Charger Heaven" (I still love White Zombie).  This Hammer flick stars Christopher Lee and his crazy ass eyebrows, Denholm Elliot, Richard Widmark, and Natasha Kinski and her sexy self.  I had a good time watching this and while it wasn't remotely as good as "The Omen" it was a satisfying mid-70s Satanic movie.  Plus there was one part actually creeped me out, if you've seen it you probably know the part I mean.
There were a couple of other titles I watched but turned off after a few minutes - Kill Katie Malone, for example, was laughable and I turned that off after about ten minutes.  I still have a lot of free time until school starts so expect a couple more rounds of reviews. 

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

"Fright Night" (2011) and "Cowboys & Aliens" (2011)

Fright Night (2011) dir Craig Gillespie - Yeah I watched it, I felt like I had to.  While I've begun to slow my ire roll towards remakes (Rob Zombie's remakes of Halloween were fuckin rad) Fright Night (2011) made a complete botch of a totally awesome 80s horror classic.  This was like bread gone wrong.  All the ingredients were there, the bread could have been awesome, and instead it's all gross and barely edible.  What was wrong with this remake?  It didn't translate/modernize well at all.  Fright Night (1985) is kind of a time capsule that, if you're of a certain age group, works primarily as a nostalgia trip.  Fright Night (2011) just face planted as a crappy vampire movie for the Superbad generation.  The saddest part about the film is that individually the actors are perfectly reasonable (except for Colin Farrell - I just don't cotton to him) but together it was one big meh.  Checked on imdb.com and Lisa Loeb was in it?  Huh?  Don't spend money on it but if you must watch it because David Tennant is in it then don't expect much.

Cowboys & Aliens (2011) dir Jon Favreau.  I love Weird Westerns.  I love Daniel Craig.  I feel pretty good about Jon Favreau (except for that whole Iron Man 2 thing).  I still have feelings for Harrison Ford but his movies have been pretty much crap since the late-90s.  Seriously, after The Devil's Own (1997), Harrison Ford is in shite movies.  I wasn't expecting much from Cowboys & Aliens - just a popcorn movie.  Sadly it didn't even manage to accomplish that.  Again, all the elements were there but the end result was barely meh.  I blame this mess:
Roberto Orci (screenplay) & Alex Kurtzman (screenplay) & Damon Lindelof (screenplay) & Mark Fergus (screenplay) & Hawk Ostby (screenplay) - Mark Fergus (screen story) & Hawk Ostby (screen story) and Steve Oedekerk (screen story)
The story is cool but the script is awful, uneven at best, and wanders around aimlessly.  I can't recommend Cowboys & Aliens at all, even with the awesomeness of the climactic battle (during which aliens kick the shit out of cowboys, indians, and horses) and Harrison Ford riding a horse again and being bad-ass and not escaping atomic detonation in a fucking fridge. 

Monday, January 02, 2012

Borderlands (2009) The Adventure Continues

Back in October 09 I did a first impressions review of Gearbox Software's Borderlands.  It's been almost two years since my last post about the game and I hadn't picked up the final two DLC installments; Claptrap's New Robot Revolution (09/10) and The Secret Armory of General Knoxx (02/10).  I recently picked the game up again a little over a week ago from a friend who had it on indefinite loan.  I went over to his place for Christmas cooking and gaming and after a few hours of Portal 2 co-op madness we co-op'd Borderlands.  I had forgotten how much I loved this game and what a joyous mayhem it was to play it co-op.  The difficulty level goes up exponentially the more players you have (up to four) and the gear gets better as well.  I'm also a huge fan of the fact that enemies are based on the highest member of the group so you can't easily power level new characters with your hulking level 50+ character.  It has been a little difficult trying to rein in my urge to bulk up my new character while soloing - in order to keep apace of my friends - but truth be told it's definitely given the game some legs as I revisit areas, loot, work on achievements, and grind weapon skills on low level spawns.  I've been using my main character - the old hunter - to battle through DLC and pick up loot to give to my friends to sell.

I cannot express how impressed I am with the DLC for Borderlands.  After the fails of Fallout 3 DLC (and their game breaking gear) I've been pretty wary of DLC because I've been disappointed and pissed off when I would spend money on new DLC only for a Game of the Year (GOTY) edition to be released with all DLC for the original price point.  I understand the business model but I'd rather just wait for a company to release a complete game.  Part of the reason I don't have my normal whining about DLC with Borderlands is threefold.

  1. In the DLC you cannot send in a new character to grab all the high power goodies because enemies start at a higher level, in some cases a much higher level.
  2. The DLC story arcs are as good, and in some cases better, than the standard game.  At the same time these arcs build and expand upon the main story.  
  3. The DLC actually expands on the game as a whole, with new enemies, vehicles, mods, and combat that requires new techniques.
Sounds pretty simple but why can't Bethseda or Bioware grasp these concepts?

As far as a review of the DLC goes, I've only battled through The Secret Armory which took me a power game day (12 hours+) to get through the main story.  I have in no way shape or form completed all the side quests and frankly some of them fucking hate me.  The difficultly is almost absurd for a single player (my lvl 62 hunter on a second play through).  I'm dishing out thousands of points of damage in some cases and barely being able to hold my own.  Not only that but the DLC spawns different enemies with different strengths and weaknesses so my standard set of weapons often requires switch out (a flaw in the inventory management requires you to enter inventory and switch builds, though truth be told the pause in combat has been beneficial at times).  The secret end boss is a brutal fucker the likes of which I have not seen since Final Fantasy VII.  And I love it.  After Skyrim (as good as it is) the sheer brutality of combat is refreshing.  There's no "I can one shot a dragon" bullshit and it's that challenge that draws me in and keeps me playing.  It appeals to that part of me that's still ten and filled with rage at Zelda II.  That stubborn, vicious true grit, rabid bulldog tenacity which most games don't inspire in me any more.  Hell, when's the last time you cheered after taking down a particularly bastard of an NPC?  I know when I did, last night after I emptied my last clip into General Knoxx's corpse, just out of spite (I also might have quoted The Exorcist, "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!").  Then feeling full of piss and vinegar I tried to tackle the secret end boss and got my dick curb stomped into the dirt.  Ah, hubris.  But I'm gonna try again (and again).

I am impressed by Borderlands and its DLC.  Normally I power game a release and belch and look for something else to play.  Co-op has definitely given this game legs as much as the DLC.  If any of you folks are looking to play I'm in for a penny.

Add:

I've started playing the Soldier class and also spent enough time Siren to get her to lvl 20.  While I miss the loot bonuses that the Hunter class affords Soldier is a really fun class.  Kitted and skilled correctly Soldier proves not only an excellent support character (one mod allows you to give XP bonuses to team mates and one skill allows easy and rapid team healing) but allows you to exploit the flexibility combat rifles provide.  With extended clips and reduced recoil (stacked with skill and mod bonuses) even the shittiest heavy machine gun (incapable of short controlled bursts) becomes a viable combat weapon in close quarters and at mid-range.  I was lucky enough to come across a S&S with both a reduced rate of fire and recoil suppression and have been able to get more precision critical hits than with a Dahl.  Combined with a 125 ammo capacity and capability to free fire, if I do need to drop the hammer I can do that as well.  Unfortunately reload speed is shite and there have been one or two instances that I've simply swapped weapons instead of reloading.  A downside to combat rifles, is it's easy to burn through a lot of ammo unless you have a Support mod with ammo regen and/or a couple of decent weapons stowed away.  

The Soldier class has a skill (and Commando mod) which grants bonuses to shotguns but in my experience shotguns aren't particularly useful in Borderlands.  The revolver has a higher DPS and accuracy (in most cases) for your money.  Most repeater pistols aren't all that great either.  If you're looking for a high capacity, close quarters "spray and pray" weapon the SMG is a better choice though it's best suited for a Siren character (her skill tree has some awesome bonuses for the SMG).  I haven't really given Brick the melee/explosive weapons (rocket launchers, etc.) character much of a play but looking over his stats he could be a shotgun maestro if that's your style.      

Thursday, December 29, 2011

If you don't know about Henry's Kitchen...

then I guess you don't know about it.  Now you can.

Smithfield ham epic: Part I

I went on my monthly grocery store trip today which, since I don't own a car and public transportation is nigh on useless in Nac, ends up being a Tolkien-esque walk home (only with a lot less singing and more profanity). This time though I decided to only buy what I could carry without too much fussin and cussin.* 

As many of you may know I love going to the grocery store during a weekday afternoon between one and four. The crowds are relatively minimal and I can take my time browsing and shooting the shit with old people and soccer moms. During this trip, while shuffling around the store selecting random salty things (anchovies, pesto, capers, kalamata olives, feta) and large amounts of greens, I came across Smithfield hams on after Christmas sale. Not just sale, hella wicked sale - $15 for a 16lb Smithfield ham. Carrying it home kind of sucked, since I had to Igor it over my shoulder whilst carrying everything else. I'm surprised I didn't get stopped by the cops for carrying a bloody burlap sack.

If you're not familiar with Smithfield hams then you should seek one out. They are the Cadillac of Virginia hams and usually go for a good chunk of change ($79.00 on their site). I've only eaten Smithfield once or twice and never on my own dime so you can see why I was excited to find one on sale. Below is the recipe from their site. Now I have to figure out how I can cook this bugger.

Suggestions for Cooking an Old-Fashioned Favorite: Official recipe from smithfield.com


To prepare ham:
Wash ham thoroughly in warm water. Use a stiff brush to remove surface mold if present. This mold is in no way injurious. Aged hams, like ages cheeses, mold in the process. To reduce saltiness, soak ham in cold water for 12-24 hours prior to cooking. Changing the water during soaking will aid in drawing salt from the ham. (If a milder salt flavor is desired, soak ham for 36 hours). Cook your ham using the Water or Oven cooking instructions listed below.
Water Cooking (preferred method):
Place ham skin side down in vessel and cover with cool water.
Bring water to 190 F (simmering, not boiling).
Cook approximately 25 minutes per pound or until 163 F internal temperature.
Add water as needed to keep ham covered
When done, take ham from vessel. While the ham is still warm, remove skin and fat as desired.
If a sweet coating is desired, sprinkle the fat side with brown sugar and bread crumbs and bake in oven at 400 F until brown (approximately 15 minutes)

Oven Cooking:
Wrap ham in heavy-duty aluminum foil joining edges carefully and forming a vessel with the bottom layer. Add four cups of water within the foil and place in oven with a tray or shallow pan underneath for support.
Cook by the following method:
Preheat oven to 300 F.
Bake ham for approximately three hours or 20 minutes per pound.
Using a meat thermometer, check for 163 F internal temperature in the thickest part of ham.
Remove ham and let cool to room temperature for one hour.
Remove skin and fat as desired.
If a sweet coating is desired, sprinkle the fat side with brown sugar and bread crumbs and bake in oven at 400 F until brown (approximately 15 minutes).

Suggestions for Carving:Use a very sharp knife and cut VERY THIN slices. With ham on platter, fat side up, begin slicing about two inches from hock or small end. Make first cut straight through to the bone. Slant the knife for each succeeding cut. Decrease slant as slices become larger.
CAUTION: Please be careful while slicing ham to avoid personal injury.



*A good trick is to have those cloth bags in tow and learn to guesstimate/Tetris the groceries into the bags with minimal effort.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

SWTOR intro cinematic and idle thoughts on the game and the 'verse

Truth be told I wasn't excited about Star Wars: The Old Republic until recently.  I had idly followed the swell of hype - for and against - the game.  I was excited when I learned that BioWare, creators of Knights of the Old Republic (an excellent game that is not quite as pretty or fun to play as it was several years ago), was in charge of this beast.  I never played Star Wars Galaxies though I have a friend who became one of the better known tailors in the game.  I also never had much experience with MMOs until the last few years.  The cherry on top of my indifference sundae is my ever fading love of the franchise.  Call it a case of pop culture over-saturation/fatigue but I now regard the entire enterprise with a jaundiced eye.  I'm a fan of the outsider art, the well done fan videos, scores, Robot Chicken specials, and hot chicks in Imperial uniforms but the rest of it I admit, I rudely roll my eyes and kind of sigh like an asshole.  Jedi is not a religion, in fact Jedi are kind of sanctimonious dickweeds who weren't blaster proof.

And yet, there's still a part of me that jumps up and down and claps his hands and giggles when I hear a light saber duel or the screech of a TIE fighter.  I still get goosebumps when I hear the first notes of the theme.  There's a big chunk of my brain still cluttered with quotes and trivia.  Hell, I even thought Episode III was pretty awesome (it's my #2 favorite of the films).  It was this part of me that wants to play SWTOR and this desire was greatly increased when I saw the opening cinematic in its entirety.  Now to be honest the real selling point will be whether there is space combat.  Wandering around WoW questing (gathering junk and body parts for lazy ass NPCs) isn't exactly a selling point for me but space combat will be - PvE and PvP.  The character classes and races sound pretty Star Wars standard fare except for the Imperial Agent class and Cyborg "race".  According to some of the info I've been reading the Agent sounds like the character I play in almost every game and can be specialized as a sniper with engineering skills (there are probably some forum posts and reviews calling the Agent "huntard").  Plus I'm an Imperial at heart.

I'll probably be picking this up in January once I get my computer woes resolved.  When I do, expect the usual slew of reviews.


SWTOR minimal tech specs

Well folks, once I can get my PC up and running again, looks like I'll be getting into some Star Wars action.

I am interested in purchasing Star Wars: The Old Republic but do not know if my PC can support it. What are the minimum system requirements needed to run the Game?
Processor:
AMD Athlon 64 X2 Dual-Core 4000+ or better
Intel Core 2 Duo Processor 2.0GHz or better

Operating System:
Windows XP or later

RAM:
Windows XP: 1.5GB RAM
Windows Vista and Windows 7: 2GB RAM

Note: PCs using a built-in graphical chipset are recommended to have 2GB of RAM.

Video Card:

Star Wars: The Old Republic requires a video card that has a minimum of 256MB of on-board RAM as well as support for Shader 3.0 or better. Examples include:

ATI X1800 or better
nVidia 7800 or better
Intel 4100 Integrated Graphics or better

DVD-ROM drive - 8x speed or better (required for installation from physical editions only)

Internet connection required to play.
Source:  http://www.swtor.com/info/faq/game#q209660


The Wild Hunt (2009) dir Alexandre Franchi


The Wild Hunt is one of those movies I watch that I don't think I particularly like but I continue to watch because I'm interested in what happens. The premise is a guy goes to a LARP to "rescue" his girlfriend (who seems like she's a few rolls short of a bakery). Protagonist Erik isn't into the LARP scene but his brother is very into his Viking character. This movie ends up devolving into some kind of indie horror movie that makes LARPers seem like a total bunch of assholes.  Conceptually the movie is interesting but there could have been more done with it and there could have been one or two likable characters besides Erik and referee Tamara (played the appealing Claudia Jurt - frankly I ended up only paying attention when she was on screen).  Unfortunately, unlike Darkon, I couldn't empathize with any of the other characters and frankly I thought of this picture quite a few times:


And I know LARPers, they are pretty cool reasonable human beings, but The Wild Hunt only seemed to play up the mouth-breather, cheeto-duster, rules-monkey stereotype that ruins every game.  Oh well.

On the upside the movie was well done for an indie Canadian "horror" flick, well shot, good sound design, solid cinematography, and interesting concept.  With a tighter script and fewer stock nerd characters this might have made a pretty interesting movie.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

La Herencia Valdemar (2010) dir Jose Luis Aleman


This is one of those movies that I've been dying to see but it hasn't been imported to the States yet. Chances are it won't until it's remade as some piece of shit by Wes Craven.

Quad Movie Review!

Since my PC is out of commission I've been watching a lot of Netflix on ye olde XBOX so expect a lot of movie reviews this holiday season.

The Objective (2008) dir Daniel Myrick.  A modern military supernatural thriller set in Afghanistan.  Basically a CIA spook is sent to investigate an energy source and has some Special Forces bad asses as back up.  I can't say too much about the story without spoilers.  It's a solid watch but vaguely unsatisfying at the end.  The best elements of the movie are the actors, story concept, and setting.  Worth a gander.

We Are the Night (2010) dir Dennis Gansel.  Vampire chicks in Berlin, badly dubbed, not particularly memorable but then again most vampire movies aren't.  Frankly it's a predictable, well-shot, slickly produced German vampire movie (with no T&A which was surprising what with it being a lesbian love story).  I figure a 6/10.  4/10 with the absolutely shite dub. 

Yellow Brick Road (2010) dir Jesse Holland & Andy Mitton.  Meeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh, one of the new brand of "art house" IFC-esque horror movies that have been floating around in the last couple of years.  I'm being to lose patience with this sub-side genre of art-thriller-horror.  These films attempt to emulate the new wave of European horror (which has been fading in quality) and sadly stumble or drop the ball.  Yellow Brick Road starts strong, keeps a brisk pace and ratcheting tension, and then just goes flop.  There are several elements in the film that seem added in simply because of the creepy factor.  I certainly don't need exposition or my hand held during a movie but YBR has points in the movie that are just, what the fuck was that for.  This is one of those movies that is worth watching because it is well acted, has some genuine creepy moments, the mystery (at the beginning) is engaging, there's some awesome ultra-violence, and the movie isn't your average American horror movie (although it reeks of Blair Witch).  That being said, the movie faceplants in the end, the sound quality is pretty uneven, and the story and scares end up wandering around aimlessly like old people in a supermarket.

I Sell the Dead (2008) dir Glenn McQuaid.  A period piece in the vein of Burke & Hare (2010) and would make a good double feature.  For all intents and purposes it's a grave robber versus the living dead and supernatural movie with British-esque humor.  Could have been better, could have been worse.  It's more culty comedy than horror so if that's your thing you should enjoy it. 

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Well that's just great.

I'm not sure what I did to anger Zardoz this time but my PC went derp last night.  In more coherent terms, the power comes but nothing shows up on the monitor.  The strange thing is everything was working fine until the last month or so when the machine would just switch off and then on (with no image) for no apparent reason even when doing simple word-processing tasks. 

I'm gonna try to fix this myself and have found the following possibilities:
  1. CPU is overheating
  2. PSU is crapping out
  3. Motherboard is crapping out
  4. id10t error
  5. The interior of the case is bad dirty dirty bad.  I wish I had read that before I cleaned my case a couple of weeks ago with my vacuum cleaner.  #facepalm
  6. Video card is kaput
Any way I slice it this is one of the suckier sucks that ever sucked a suck.  Since my PC is to me what a car is to other people this is kind of a major clusterfuck.  Any useful/helpful advice/ideas is welcome.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Well, so much for Skyrim

Yup, I finished the main story arc of Skyrim last night along with a vast number of side and misc quests.  Kind of anti-climatic frankly, though the end of the story arc was pretty awesome (no spoilers).  Then everything just kind of wraps up and now I'm left kind of scratching my head.  Was I supposed to go through the entire story arc first and then do all the side quests?  The story is complete and I still have free roam of the world (which is awesome, I hate when you complete a RPG and then it's game over) but I don't know if there's anything really to do.  I have one acheivement left to get, guess I could do that. 

Final thoughts:
  • A friend brought up a valid point when I said I broke the 200 hour gameplay mark, "Yeah but out of that time how many hours were games play and how many were load screens?"  Le sigh.  I realize it's a belaboured point folks.  I know but frankly those screens are one of the main reasons I won't be playing the game over again with a different character.
  • Replayability of Skyrim - for me at least is slim to none.  There seems to be minimal difference between races (from what I've read) and I've already become the Grand Poobah of every guild and group in Skyrim and the end of the main story just goes, "Right, there you are.  Carry on then.  Go on, explore this wide wonderful world."
  • Skyrim was a great exploratory experience with a solid story arc, some excellent voice acting, a gripping score, some excellent side arcs (I could play an entire Dark Brotherhood game), allies who were actually useful.  These were balanced out by:
  • Bugs that crashed quests as to make them unfulfillable (I don't really bag on a game for bugs as long as it doesn't crash the game or otherwise make the game unplayable, floating cows are funny), frequent lengthy load screens (fuck you I don't have a good PC for gaming), crappy melee combat (by combat I mean flailing about), game breaker stealth/enchanting/smithing systems (my current kit of light dragon armor is just over 700 what with perks, each item dual enchanted - a daedric bow that dishes out just shy of 200dps sans enchantments or arrows), and a shrug inducing There Will Be Done "I'm finished." ending.
  • Cooking was a total waste of code.  Seriously, a complete and utter waste of resources.
  • Horses are bat-shit awesome crazy on their own in combat.  At first I kind of poo-poo'd people who were saying they wished they could have fought on horseback but y'know that would have been awesome and could have opened up a kick ass combat style (lances, spears, short bows) and could have created some exciting combat sequences - hunting dragon on horseback a la Shadow of the Colossus.  Would that have been awesome?  Fuck yeah it would've. 
So is Skyrim an end all be all fantasy RPG?  No, and neither was Oblivion.  However it is important to note that Skyrim fills a need for a part of the market who doesn't play "Call of Bromance XIII".  My plan is to trade it in for full credit, pick up something to play during the break, and in two years I'll pick Skyrim used with all the DLC for less than $20.  In the meantime I might see if I can find a copy of Morrowind, maybe go back to playing NesTalgia.

Monday, December 12, 2011

The next to last Skyrim post

Last night I cleaned out my misc quest queue except for a quest to fight a dragon in case someone comes over and wants to see me fight a dragon and a few glitched quests that are either repeats or quests I can't complete.  The main queue has two glitched quests which there are PC fixes for but not console fixes.  Ultimately, in regards to gameplay, these glitches aren't important and only give shite rewards.  By the by, fuck the Stones of Barenziah sub-quest.  For all the leg work and searching (sans guides or cheats) the reward is worth fuck all by the time you turn the quest in.

I'm getting very close to the end of the story arc.  It's gotten to the point where I'm saving just to have a return point where I can finish out the rest of the sides and misc before finishing the game.  Honestly though I'm still not disappointed with the story line nor the curve balls it's thrown me and want to see how it all plays out.  I know there are a couple of sites I haven't explored.

I've been wishing there was a way to reset skills, perks, and leveling and I think I might have found a way, maybe.  Skill levels decrease when you are imprisoned but perks do not so I figure wreak havoc, get imprisoned, and then bump those skills up again.  Alternatively you can do what I've been doing - spam skills.  In the Mage's College once you complete a certain story arc you can basically stand in one place and repeat cast high level spells.  That or you can equip the armor you've been ignoring and wander outside Whiterun and stand there as beasties try to nom you.  It's a cheap gimmick but considering not being able to reset useless skills and perks at a late point in the game I think it's okay.  Yeah, that would take away from the role-playing aspect of the game but really how many of you "role-play" a single player game?

During my drive to up other skills I have to admit that magic in Skyrim is pretty awesome.  I seriously doubt I will replay the game as a mage (or replay the game at all truth be told) but I'm kind of digging the magic.  Illusion is my favorite class by far.  Being able to set foes upon themselves with Frenzy has been an added joy, though it makes combat pretty easy.  Plus the Illusion tree allows you to cast all spells silently which makes stealth healing a viable option (sans potions).  I also noticed that casting a spell like Magelight will not only draw enemies but will knock down fire pots.

The last post will be my final thoughts and my ending character build.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Studying for Physical Anthro final...

by watching documentaries and a gem from 1953.  Werner Herzog's documentary about Chauvet Cave, Cave of Forgotten Dreams (2010) was particularly good, though a bit slow at time with some heavy handed scoring. Herzog wrote, directed, and produced this film exploring and documenting the paleolithic cave art found near Vallon-Pont D'Arc in Southern France.  The cave had been sealed for thousands of years due to the cliff collapsing over the entrance until some explorers happened upon the site in 1994.   Due to the preservation of the cave, the art itself is almost unsettling in both its quality and freshness, as well as the discovery that the art is not from a single point in time but was layered by humans over thousands of years.  I'm not one of these folks who believes that paleo and neo-lithic man were some kind of half-wits, and just because they didn't trade pieces of paper for goods and services and think digital watches were a pretty neat idea doesn't make them artless and thoughtless savages.  Caves of Forgotten Dreams is not something to throw on when you're craving explosions and techno but it's certainly worth watching.  I would recommend it when you're having a sick day and are bundled up kind of high on cough syrup.

Then I stumbled across Neanderthal Man (1953).  It's a B-monster flick but it's actually a pretty good B-monster flick, though there are some awesome, genuinely hilariously bad moments even for the genre.  You have to watch it, just for the first fifteen minutes and you will wet yourself with disbelief.  On the upside, it deals with the works of an anthropologist, who believes that paleolithic man was as intelligent and capable as "modern" man and that modern man's brain still contains millenia of memories yet his fellow academics scoff at him.  Particularly humorous was the display of progression of brain size from chimp to modern man because it features Piltdown man.  Athro humor FTW.  So the scientist concocts a formula to unlock those paleolithic memories.  Science goes awry!  Neanderthal Man is one of those B-Movies that may be kind of crappy but the sci-fi weirdo ideas it has are pretty cool.  The rant the anthropologist goes on when his colleagues poo-poo him is actually brilliant (it begins at the 10:05 point in the clip).  Heartily recommended.  Oh and it has both Beverly Garland and Tandra Quinn!


Friday, December 09, 2011

A double helping of Foxy Friday: Veronica Lake

Still from Preston Sturges' Sullivan's Travels a brilliant film that holds as much relevance today as it did  in 1941.

She was 4'11" of va-va-voom.

Foxy Fridays: Cate Blanchett with a shaved head


WTFridays

I love his expression because sometimes that the only way you can deal with how fucked up life is.  Also known as "Don't make eye contact with crazy person on the bus" face. 

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Yet another post about Skyrim...

if you want me to post about something else give me some money so I can indulge in some other form of distraction.

I've been meaning to put down a few thoughts I've been having on the skill/perk system and how I think it's working in the modern RPG.

I hit level sixty and have my primary skills at 100 (bow, sneak, lockpicking, pickpocket, speech, alchemy, enchanting, smithing) and a number of other skills 50 or below (one handed weapons, light armor, and restoration are all in the mid-60s).  Truth be told I was kind of sad that I hit those ceilings but then I realized that while I had maxed the skills I hadn't really invested in that many perks and had a lot of space for expansion.  Last night I was poking around and said, "Huh" and was looking at skills and what not.  I have a lot of expansion space that will garner me more SP and perks but could possibly change the way I've been approaching the game.  That is maybe it might be time to start huckin some destruction magic around.  Illusion has some pretty fun spells (Fury causes NPCs to attack one another - a trick I used on a target I was supposed to assassinate.  Cast Fury on target.  Target goes apeshit, gets killed by village guards.  The Aristocrats!) as do the Alteration and Conjuration schools.  Then while I was running around looking at stuff (casting Fury on bunnies, foxes, and goats for funzies) I figured out I could power level some spell skills by casting them on myself.  So I'm basically spamming "Magelight"* and then whatever other spell I feel like.  It's a cheap trick, like standing still in heavy armor and letting a wolf attack you while you go AFK.

I appreciate that I have the ability to keep levelling and picking up skills and perks by trying out different styles of gameplay.  Normally I'd be locked in to the set up and probably get bored with the game after getting all the side missions and the like finished.  Additionally using skills I normally don't has ramped up some of the challenge of combat.  Casting wussy fireballs at a Draugur Deathlord = oh fuck, heal...reload from last save.  I've been really impressed at some of the kill animations for one handed combat and eventually I'll start wingin around this Daedric two-handed whompin stick that feeds on dreams or something.  I dunno, I picked it up on a side quest and it's been mothballed in a chest in Riften for weeks.
I'm curious to know how you guys have been tackling the skill/perk tree.  Are you powering through an entire skill set or kind of cherry picking? 







* Magelight is one of my favorite spells in this game (I dunno if it's in other games.  Normally I don't use magic except for a coupleof heal spells).  Basically it's an an orb of light that sticks to whatever you aim it at.  It's handy as hell in some of the deep darks but I've also discovered two fun tricks.  1) Cast Magelight on your lackey then command Smitty to run into an darkened area.  I do this most often in the large open spaces (tombs, caverns, etc).  Thanks Smitty! (Smitty is an old name I designated to the NPC lackey games give you.  "Get the fuck out of the way Smitty!" is a common phrase. 

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Recipes from an Englishman that sound awesome:

Was browsing an online friend's food site shizzling.com and saw this awesome recipe for smoked pheasant tacos.  He also has a recipe for smoked rabbit tacos.  What the fucksicle?  Who let the Englishman have good food?  Joking aside he's got a good site and some excellent recipes and ideas (Yorkshire pud with pulled pork) and he seems to be as much a Pork-a-holic as I am (and some of you are).  Definitely worth checking out.  There are some Turkish recipes that I'm planning on trying once I can get the ingredients in.

Skyrim: almost to level 60. Now what

As we all know Skyrim has dominated the conversations and posts on my end for the past couple of weeks here.  I've blown past the jumping up and down and weeing on myself stage many many many hours ago.  I passed the 150 hours mark last week (yeah I know, my school work is seriously suffering as well but at least it's not COD) and have some thoughts about the good and the bad of Skyrim:
  • The 360 version of the game has Bethesda's trademark goddamn load screens every time you enter or exit a building, dungeon, etc.  Yes I know everyone and their Aunt Telulah gripes about these load screens but serious WTF.  I realize there is probably some kind of technical jibber-jabber I don't know about game design but these load screens are as archaic as lag.  I've heard that load times are next to nil on the PC but I don't have the juice to run Skyrim on my Plymouth Horizon computer.  According to some of the forums load screens only take a few seconds, whatever "forums" are worth.
  • Glitches are to be expected and really don't bother me too much.  The random floating item or guards stuck in a door amuse me more than anything else.  However this leads me to the next point - a game crashing glitch:
  •  The Ebony Armor of Boethiah glitch.  Maybe it's just my copy of the game since I can't find any info on this on teh googles but I wanna warn you folks SAVE BEFORE EQUIPPING THIS ARMOR.  I don't know why and I've tried different techniques but everytime I equip this gear to complete a quest Boethiah starts her blah blah blah and when she finishes my game goes derp.  I've tried different files and different locations all with the same result. 

The good and the ugly
  • Even after 150 hours I keep discovering places, even if it's not location of importance.  I found a slew of places at random the other day.
  • Some of the storylines have been particularly awesome.  For some reason I've been particularly keen on the daedric quests and while normally I play a fairly "good" character in this run through I've been a real fucker.  I crushed a woman on her wedding day with a pushed gargoyle.  I stabbed a horse in the face.  I hired a guy and lured him to his death.  Great fun is kiting a dragon into a village and letting the villagers know that they are not Dragonborn.  I use torture victims to level my mage skills. 
I have a post pending about the skill and perk system and my feelings on it.

Saturday, December 03, 2011

Saturday Morning News und Schtuffz

Random news you folks might be interested in:

  • GamePro magazine is shutting down after over twenty years in the business. (Source: industrygamers.com)
  • A Pakistani woman in Karachi chopped up and cooked her husband but didn't eat him.  Waste not want not says I. 
  • The insanely awesome "researchers at MIT" (which always reminds me of the Govt official at the end of "Raiders" - "We have top men working on this.") have taught a computer to play Civ by giving it the manual?  Nani?  I'm a little confused and plenty intrigued.
  • Thomas Edision was a prick.

Friday, December 02, 2011

Quote of the day:

"Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all."
- Sir Arthur James Balfour 1848-1930

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (2011) Bethesda Games - My first ten hours (give or take)

Achtung!  This post doesn't have plot spoilers but does discuss some elements of gameplay that you might not want to know about (especially if you didn't play Elder Scrolls: Oblivion and are unfamiliar with Tamriel and its inhabitants).  Other than that carry on:

Achtung Zwei!  The ten hours is actually probably longer since I had to load an old save file when the game glitched on me.

Here are some general thoughts, basic tips, and errata:
  • Keep multiple save files in case of glitch or data corruption.  By multiple I mean at least three in addition to the autosaves.  Basic entry level stuff but seriously I lost about four hours of gameplay because an game progressing item became lodged in a mountain.
  • I've been joking about alchemy and the like with some friends on teh FB (switch to G+ suckas) and I realized that I have an "inner Renfield".  I basically go cross-country eating things I catch and find.  The purpose of doing so is to learn the alchemical qualities of these items and thus brew potions and tinctures.  This boils down to running across fields chasing bugs, ripping their wings off, and eating them (or splashing around in a river catching fish or gnawing on bones or just eating random things).  Kill Screen's Gus Mastrapa "Things I Ate in Skyrim" is a brilliantly hilarious article that really does the whole insane process justice.
  • The three main crafting skills are kind of awesome.  Alchemy, blacksmithing, enchanting (every single time I use this skill I say, "Enchantment?  Enchantment! a la the idiot savant in Dragon Age: Origins) are useful and since I'm the kind of player who is constantly gathering, stealing, and collecting crafting items I can put them to use and never have to actually pay for anything.  The skill that I am kind of unimpressed by is the cooking feature.  It's not even really a skill since you don't gain any higher competency or bonuses.  You make various items into food and then the food has effects (health boost, etc) but the effects are kind of worthless compared to alchemy.  Additionally food by itself often fetches a higher price than prepared dishes so there's not much point in cooking and then selling the junk.  There's probably some side side quest where someone want you to make them a mammoth steak but other than that cooking in Skyrim is kind pf pointless.
  • One thing you can do with produce is sell it to farmers who will pay you as some kind of day laborer farm hand.  Wait what?  I AM DRAGONBORN!  I mean sure I'll help you gather fucking cabbages for a pittance.  Bloody peasants.
  • Speaking of dragons, THERE ARE FUCKING DRAGONS IN THIS GAME!  And not just there's a monster at the end of this dungeon boss dragons.  The fuckers are flying around at random.  Two favorite encounters with dragons so far.  I was on walkabout with my retainer up in the mountains out in BFE and was heading out of a village when people started screaming.  Yup, dragon breathing ice breath on the poor shit shovellers.  So I stealthed into a copse of trees and started ranging the scaly fucker.  I got over-confident and tried to close range for a clearer shot.  Dragon spotted me and levelled the trees around me.  Fuuuuuuuuuuu.  The other encounter involved me walking around the countryside chasing butterflies when a shadow passed over head.  I promptly ran like hell towards the nearby windmill and pretended to be Brave Sir Robin.  Wish I had a rocket launcher and Matthew McConaughey driving me around.  That'd be sweet.
  • I have already contracted vampirism.  Seriously?  Vampirism already?  In Oblivion it took me at least longer than a dozen hours.  So much for seeing the sun.
  • cracked.com's Robert Brockway "5 Personality Flaws Skyrim Forces You to Deal With" is pretty funny.
  • Jeremy Soule's score is kind of better than awesome.  It's so fucking awesome it comes on four cds.  Epic, sweeping, grand, amazing yeah yeah yeah all well and good.  Stopping what I was doing in an inn to listen to the bard?  How's that for impressive?  I'll be picking this up (unless I should wait for Christmas?  ahem).
  • Mark Lampert's sound design is equal to the score. 
  • The voice acting is as solid as it should be.  Plus Max Von Sydow and Vladmir "Should Have Been Thor" Kulich are on the roster.  Too bad they couldn't get Mads Mikkelsen.
  • Many, if not all, of the reviews talk about the scenery and vistas and their quality.  I could quibble about how trees and bushes don't look all that great and and some of the draw could use some work and say I bet this would look better with GTX560 GPU but then I'd be one of those guys.  Skyrim's landscapes and world really shine when you least expect them to and the game really does an excellent job of immersion.  For example I was coming out a dungeon crawl in the mountains and it was night.  Across the night sky were the northern lights and the town in the valley had flickers of light, near the base of the mountain was a bonfire belonging to giantsI wish I had been able to get a screen cap.
  • In addition to the pretty vistas Skyrim is a kind of bizarro trip to Skandinavian lands I have never been to except seen in movies (I have Swedish ancestors too).  I really, really dig the vibe of the meadhalls, jarls, thanes, Northern gods, lycanthopic berserkers, and all that good skull splitting bludgelt stuff*.  It's more than a welcome change from the typical fruity Elven Land of Summer rpg though it does dovetail nicely with The Witcher.  Plus I'm enjoying playing a non-Nord Imperial so the NPCs treat me as more of an outsider and this kind of deepens the game experience for me.
And those are the long and short for the time being.  I'm enjoying the hell out of just wandering aimlessly but really that's the primary reason I pick up Bethesda games. 

Hope you folks are well.  Keep your blades sharp and your wits sharper.


* I predict, and you've heard it here first folks: Skyrim is going to make mead sales in America skyrocket.  I shit you not.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Skyrim impression #1 and something to make you feel old.

Skyrim is awesome, very awesome, vast and filled with things to eat.  It also has a bug that is forcing me to restart after four hours of gameplay because the corpse I need to loot to progress the story has fallen into the scenery.  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

Skyrim note:  To all those mouth breathing paste eaters who are unable to pronounce the title of the game - you are fucking idiots.  It's not skeeram or skreem or skeksis it's fucking SKY-RIM.

In other news:

We are old.  Legend of Zelda celebrated its 25th Anniversary.  
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