DragonCon 2010

I'm finally coming down from the adrenaline high that was DragonCon 2010.  My body thoroughly crashed and it was a miracle I managed to get out of bed today, though I had to call out of work (sorry guys).  People have been asking me how the experience was, what with it being my first time at DragonCon and all. Well, it was total mayhem.  Friday I drank too much.  Saturday I had a panic attack.  Sunday was a lot of fun but then we had to drive back to Texas - leaving Atlanta at 7pm.  There were waits in lines that lasted hours.  Our hotel room smelled vaguely of cat pee.  I was constantly sweaty.  I spent most of the weekend lost in either the Hyatt, the Marriott, or the Hilton.  One of my friends got heat stroke.  I didn't get to go to the aquarium.  All in all, it was totally awesome and I would do it again.

Despite my grumblies it was a great trip with great people.  I got to spend some quality time with Amanda.  I met some top notch individuals.  We got fried duck dumplings at Hsu's.  Watching Ryan negotiate crowds and groupies is a sight to behold.  Heather looked stunning, even though her costumes nearly killed her.  I got to meet Jennie Breeden of The Devil's Panties fame.  She was super nice even though I fanboy'ed on her a little.  I got to wear my white suit.  The folks at the Waffle House Lincoln/Talladega were life savers on Sunday.

Things I learned about DragonCon and traveling in general:

• Buy new socks before you go.
• Airborne Zesty Orange tabs are meant to be dropped into water and not just jammed into your mouth.
• When traveling in the South, Waffle House is better than bad.  It's good.
• I am going to travel with baby wipes and/or A&D ointment from now on.  Why?  Let's just say I'm chafed from all the walking and sweating...and not on my feet.
• Cash is king.
• If someone offers you "pie" say yes.
• The smoking area at the Hyatt is a vital rally point.
• Don't rely on the crappy map DragonCon provides.  They couldn't even manage to put North on the map.
• Find a nice quiet place to hide away from the maddening crowd.  Personally I like the Embassy Level at the Hyatt.

I'm sure there's more but I can't think of it right now.  Expect one more post re: DragonCon (hopefully with pictures).  

A pre-post of my DragonCon 2010 experience

Well, home again after a whirlwind weekend of madness, sleep deprivation, gin, good meals and bad, spending time with excellent people, and ending in a very peculiar sensation that I am not the person I was before I went to this event.

I'm still sleep deprived (the ride home to Texas began around 7pm EST last night and ended around 8am CST this morning) and haven't been to bed yet so I'm not much up for the post this epic quest deserves.  Plus Moxie has been demanding constant attention since I got home.  Full post with pictures and fun stuff will be up this week.

Cooking For Engineers - an awesome site for you scientific big brain types.

Cooking For Engineers is a really well done recipe/cooking/advice site for people who need science to cook.  The posts are well written, amusing, and informative.  I whole-heartedly recommend it.

Okay, I'll stop tinkering with HYR for now...

I've updated my feeds and all that good stuff.  It's broken into three columns (from left to right) blog, HYR related stuff - including all HYR radio stations, and the final column is made up of links to sites that kick ass.

Thank you for your patience.  Hope you guys are having a good weekend.

Looky Maw! I reckoned me some CSS!

There's gonna be some construction and assorted good stuff going on over here at HYR.  I learned a few tricks so I'm gonna be tinkering with layout and backgrounds.  As always your patience is much thanked and any suggestions/tips and or tricks are always welcome.

An experiment in rice, pending reviews, and assorted gibberings from the oubliette.

Waiting for student loans sucks but on the upside I've been continuing experiments in rice.  Today's experiment was particularly successful and with a few minor tweaks should become a staple dish in my home.  Ready?

Rice with pho paste in particular bo bun Hue paste (which is my long standing favorite variation of pho).  I know paste is kind of cheating when making pho but I am trapped in East Texas without easy access to Vietnamese restaurants.  Besides I'd bet you good money at least half of the pho you get in restaurants comes from paste so nyah.  All I did was add about a tablespoon-ish of paste to about two cups of water (hot water) while I was toasting my rice.  E voila!  Bo bun Hue flavored rice.  The only thing I wish is that I had lime juice and fresh basil to add to the rice.

• Pending chicken experiment
• Baked chicken breaded with crushed jalapeno sweet and tangy kettle chips.
• Upcoming reviews:
• Dragon Age: Awakenings - worth $40?
• Randis Albion - my new favorite artist of the moment
• Terminator 2: Judgment Day - Come with me if you want to get lunch
• Objectified - my new favorite documentary about the design of objects
• Deathspank - a game about dishing out justice with a firm hand
• Bigger, Stronger, Faster - a docu about steroids.  Actually pretty damned interesting.
• Assorted gibberings:
• A mega-post about my march on Atlanta.  Not to raze it but to attend DragonCon.  I need to get a t-shirt that reads, "Sherman kicks ass!"
• Food and restaurant reviews from the Labor Day Campaign.
• Pictures
• What is the region food of Atlanta/Georgia?  Inquiring minds want to know.
• Who would win in a fist fight?  The Dalai Lama or Jesus?
• My internal debate about facebook - should I take it out back and shoot my account?

Oh yeah, school starts Monday...I don't even know when, where, or what my classes are...I know I registered months ago...hmmm...

Time...a break down of an optimal (?) 24 hour day

• Sleep - optimal time 8 hours (Midnight to 8am)
• Waking and getting to work - optimal time 1 hour (8am - 9am)
• Work - optimal time 8 hours (9am - 5pm)
• Return home - optimal time 1 hour (5pm - 6pm)
• Dinner and assorted chores - optimal time 1 hour (6pm - 7pm)
• Free time - optimal 4 hours (7pm - 11pm)
• Prepare for sleep - optimal 1 hour (11pm - Midnight)

It seems so simple doesn't it?

After watching a documentary...

about the evils of Wal-Mart - it was a preaching to the choir documentary though I was glad to see they represented various sides of the socio/economic/political spectrum - I decided to figure something out;  How much can a person - namely me - working 40 hours a week at minimum wage - $7.25 make ends meet?  I'm not going to factor in what I get in grants and loans from the government for going to school and work study, I'm going to pretend that I only have a $7.25 an hour job and look at how that pay covers my monthly expenses if I lived without any bells or whistles - i.e. beer & smokes, cable internet, Jack in the Box, XBOX Live, Netflix, etc. I am going to - for argument's sake  - pretend I have health insurance.

• Rent:  $500 (Moxie doesn't chip in for rent)
• Electricity: $100 avg
• Cell phone: $40
• Groceries (for me and Moxie):  $200 (I know it seems like a lot but this is all of my meals for the month...assuming I three square a day it at home)
• Utilities: $20
• Credit card minimum payment: $150
• Health insurance: $100

Now if I work a full 40 hours a week at $7.25 my monthly take home pay (80 hours minus 20% for misc taxes and Social Security) is roughly $928.00.  My monthly expenses are $1110.  Hmmm...seems like I'm $182 short. Well...huh.  I could stop paying my credit card debt.  Shit, I'm still $32 short.  Huh.  Well, I never really get sick so...look I have an "extra" $68 by cancelling health insurance!  Boo-yah Jack in the Box here I come!

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this exercise (besides being depressing).  I guess over the last few years my opinions and viewpoints have shifted - some greatly, some not so much.  I used to soapbox about exploiters of welfare and the damned lazy poor, etc. etc. but well I'm pretty much living my life on government handouts.  Sure I could be smart and tighten my belt and budget and pull myself up by my bootstraps.  It might not be a bad thing if I didn't have the internet or a phone, I might read a book or spend more time in the library (on the internet) or I might be a better person and spend my time helping those who are worse off than me.  All of this is something I've had on my mind and it has played into my - admittedly ignorant - political views.  I'm still thinking about stuff so please don't go troll on this post but I would love to hear some of your thoughts.

Hope you and yours are well, safe, happy, and had something good to eat today.

Going to be having a new author on HYR:

An old, old friend of mine that used to get into all sorts of trouble with me in the last Century has become a shaolin master gardener and has a penchant for cooking that might surpass my own.  Plus he takes brilliant photos of his greenhouse (the dude built a greenhouse fer chrissakes).  Cheers to ya Ben.

Lack of reviews, not eating, not cooking = not much to blog about.

Apologies folks, I know that HYR has pretty much been bone dry lately.  My inspiration has been lacking and I freely admit that I use facebook as a crutch for posting videos and the like nowadays.  I've also been very depressed and broke and suffering from chronic beer induced laziness (and living in Nac during the summer during which there is fuck-all to do plus it's 100 degrees plus outside) and that's not fun to write or read about.

Coming up though, barring any major catastrophes or financial shit storms, I will be attending DragonCon with my good friends.  My initial purpose was a surprise visit to Amanda, who as you may know is living in the Peach State, and will have her jewellery on display at the con.  But I kind of spoiled the surprise, so now she knows I'm coming.  However, it should be a good time to be had by all.  I've never been to a major convention so I'm not sure what to expect.  Truth be told I'm a little more curious about what there is to eat in Atlanta - plus there's an aquarium!  Plus, I'm excited to be going with such awesome people.

So yeah, school is starting in roughly a week or so.  I'm weeding my netflix queue and plan to hunker down with a stack of documentaries over the next few days, focus my chi, cleanse my aura, try not to be too nervous about the trip and seeing Amanda, and calling the electric company and letting them know payment is gonna be late.

Two of my new favorite scores: The International & District 9

The International (2009) was a great conspiracy thriller with Clive Owen looking haggard, mean, and sexy.  It also boasts an impressive score done by Tom Twyker, Johnny Kilmek, and Reinhold Heil.  I hadn't heard of any of these composers but The International's score is in the vein of Jesper Kyd's Hitman scores; atmospheric, electronic, menacing, salt and peppered with some interesting non-Western influences.  The score is one of those that seamlessly blends with the settings and action on screen.  It evokes in me feelings of doing cool clandestine shit, the kind of Euro-thriller score that makes you wish that you are the wheel man, driving a graphite colored car through the sickly green lighting of a tunnel while the other occupants check the action on compact submachine guns and smoke.  Maybe there's a blade expert from Lyon absentmindedly honing a blade while watching the passing traffic, he knows enough English to curse.  Maybe there's an Austrian Turk who is monitoring the target on a Sony Vaio.  You get my drift.  A good number of the tracks don't stand well alone but work better in album listening.  The Calvini Hit has a mixture of sparse bridges, tension building strings, and a forceful bass line.  The Guggenheim Shootout is the second longest track on the album (and one of my favorite sequences in the film).  My favorite track is Istanbul which is the most "action-y" track and possibly the most Jesper Kyd-esque.  Well worth picking up.

Clinton Shorter's District 9 score is a great pairing with The International.  It's a very bleak score for a very bleak movie.  The action cues (like Exosuit) are sharp and short.  It's not particularly original - "wow I've never heard a score like this" - but it's still a great score and well worth owning...if only for Get Him Talking.

Crap I've been watching...and one or two not crap

Ah, Summer...the time of year when it's too damn hot to watch anything that requires the slightest amount of thought.  I've been staying indoors and been being a bit short on fundage.  Hello Netflix instant download.  Plus I have a new buddy who's a movie junkie and is willing to watch anything - including Single White Female 2: The Pyscho.  Here's a scattershot of what I've watched in the last month:

• Fuel (2008) dir Joshua Tickell.  A documentary about a man and his biodiesel dream.  Was a bit preachy and green earthy but had some interesting moments and wasn't a bad documentary.
• Pyscho Ward (2007) dir Patrick McBrearty.  Junk.  Only watched the first few minutes.  Not even early T&A could save this clunker.
• Below (2002) dir David Twohy.  Should have been awesome with veritable who's who of modern, "Hey, it's that guy!""  
• Zombieland (2009)  dir Ruben Fleischer
• Planet 51 (2009) dir Jorge Blanco 
• Single White Female 2: The Psycho (2005) dir Keith Samples
• 2012 (2009) dir Rolan Emmerich
• Disney's G-Force (2009) dir Hoyt Yeatman 
• The International (2009) dir Tom Twyker
• Bigger, Stronger, Faster (2008) dir Chris Bell
• Altered (2006) dir Eduardo Sanchez
• 5ive Girls (2006)  dir Warren P. Sonoda
• The Signal (2006) dir Jacob Gentry, David Bruckner, Dan Bush
• The Ugly Truth (2009) dir Robert Luketic

More reviews and editing to this post pending, the browser I am using is crappy.

Rice 1: Mission statement and Jasmine rice.

As many of you fine readers may know I eat a lot of rice.  Hell I think I love rice almost as much as Hanada Goro.  When I have the grumblies I often just whip up a pan of rice with whatever I have in the fridge and/or pantry.  I don't have a rice cooker - I have to agree with Alton Brown that a person should never own a single task piece of equipment.  I used to make rice in a sauce pan but stopped doing that over a year ago.  Now I use a frying pan with a lid.  Personally I prefer this method because I find it's easier to monitor the state of the rice and in my opinion diffuses the area of heat, thus reducing the risk of having a layer of burnt rice underneath either under done or just plain gloppy rice.

I am starting this short series on rice; types of rice, how to cook each type, tips and tricks, a few favorite and simple recipes, and a piece on rice alternatives (y'know, for when you get sick of rice).  My reason for writing this series is because lately I've been coming up with new ideas for rice, talking to people about how they cook their rice, problems, concerns, and so on and so forth.

My favorite type of rice is Jasmine (particularly MTT Brand - the 25lb bag with the Dragon on it) from Thailand.  In Kasma Loha-unchit's article about the differences between Thai and American Jasmine rice she is right on the mark.  Jasmine grown in America is boring.  It's just boring rice.  Thai Jasmine is, well, different...it's fragrant with a delicate, almost floral aroma when you open the bag or the storage container (yes I have a rice container - on wheels - large enough to hold a 25lb bag of rice).  That smell reminds of good Southeast Asian meals I've had across the country and also brings a sense of nostalgia (though of what or where I'll never know).  Yes, Jasmine rice makes me misty eyed.  Shut up.


Another reason I love Jasmine is because it's the simplest rice to make - in my experience.  It's also tasty by its lonesome.  However it's even more tasty when combined with the simplest of ingredients.  Here's how I make it:

1.  I heat my pan a bit (medium heat) and add just enough oil to lightly coat the bottom of the pan.  Personally I prefer grapeseed oil but that's because at the grocery store, grapeseed oil was cheaper than olive oil.  You can also not use any oil at all if you don't plan on adding any herbs or seasonings before the rice - I, however do.  Often I will add some minced garlic to the oil and gently saute for a little bit before adding 1 cup of dry rice.  Keep the mixture moving over medium heat, yes this requires a modicum of patience but you a) don't want burnt garlic or b) burnt rice.  You don't have to flail at the rice like you're whipping ingredients around a ten quart wok.
2. Now while you are toasting your rice, there will be a slight change in color in the grains usually around the same time as you start to smell your rice.  Here's a trick, take the pan off the hot burner while you get your liquid (unless you were smart and got your mis en place set up ahead of time).  Now the rule of thumb with rice is 2 to 1 (i.e. 2 cups water to 1 cup rice).  That being said I eyeball my liquid to rice ratio (especially when cooking with stock).  I pour enough liquid in to cover the rice about...maybe a quarter inch-ish.  Then I keep some liquid on reserve.  Let's say use a cup and half/cup and two thirds of liquid in your rice, and save a third (you'll see why in a moment).
3. Now add your liquid to the rice (important safety tip: speaking from personal experience try to be careful because room temperature/cold liquid with create steam and steam can scald the shit out of your hands), return the pan to the burner.  Drop the heat down to low/medium-low.  My mnemonic device is, "Slow and low, that is the tempo."  Set a timer for maybe sixteen or seventeen minutes.  Go check facebook or Hooligan Youth Reviews.
4. When the timer goes off, lift off the lid and check the rice.  Is there still liquid?  Put the lid back on and set the timer for another five minutes.  Is there no liquid?  Give the rice a poke with a poking implement - check to see if it is getting stuck to the bottom of the pan and to check the texture.  If you are unsure, then taste the rice.  Does it taste good?  Yes?  Then you're done.  Does it taste bad or is the rice still kind of crunchy or al dente?  Ah, that's why we have some liquid on reserve, although if your rice tastes bad then do not get discouraged just make some queso and have chips for dinner or since you're a grown up you can have cookies and ice cream for dinner.  If your rice is still al dente but tastes fine just add the remaining liquid, clap the lid back on and go do something for five minutes.
5. Here's my final thought:  So your rice is done, good taste, good texture, it's not something you can use as spackle...gently fluff the rice, remove from heat, replace lid and let rest for a minute or so.  I know, you're starving, this rice thing takes forever.  However, while the rice has a moment to sit - get out your favorite rice bowl, your favorite condiments, and whatever else you need.  Now go om nom nom your rice.

In part two I will probably tackle two more favorites: Wild Rice and Rice Pilaf.  Part three will be how to make brown rice without screaming and part four will be couscous, barley, and quinoa.  If anyone has questions or comments please let me know or if there are recipes you'd like to suggest please let me know.

Impending kitchen madness or A Man, a Plan, a Pan...Panama!

Here's my hypothetical meal list for after my next grocery store trip:

1. Meatloaf with a combo of pork, ground beef, and chorizo. I might make a huge batch and turn some of the meat into meatballs and freeze them for when I want meatball subs.
2. With those leftovers (chopped up) I will make rice.  Om nom nom nom.
3. With those leftovers I will make stuffed peppers.

Additionally, I am thinking:

• Grilled bbq tofu with some form of noodly goodness.
• Sausage and kraut.
• Gazpacho
• Cucumber soup with fresh dill
• Carne guisada
• Fried rice with mirepoix, cooked salt pork, and I want to add some nuts but I can't think of which
• Homemade mustard
• Salad Nicoise with grilled salmon

Any suggestions, questions, or comments are welcome.  I'm also on the look out for your favorite summer dishes.  Hope you all are in good health and spirits and enduring the heat as well you can.  

The Last Airbender (2010) Dir M. Night Shamalayan

1. I have to preface this review by saying that while I know quite a few fans of the animated series, I have only seen part of one episode out of context and had no idea of what was going on.  I was basically flying blind on this movie.
2. I haven't seen a movie in 3-D since Jaws 3-D and am opposed to the whole schtick but I wanted to hang out with friends and try this new fangled moving pictures folderol on for size.
3. I only like one M. Night movie, Unbreakable.  The rest of his movies I pretty much sneer at.

The Last Airbender is currently the lowest rated movie in release on metacritic with a 20/100 score.  Now I don't completely cotton to metacritic scores (I loved Hitman) but let's just say I wasn't expecting much.  For my nine bucks I didn't get much except eyestrain and vague feeling that I would have been pissing blood angry if I had been a fan of the series.  I also got radioactive yellow popcorn salt in a cat scratch and it still hurts but that's besides the point.

The movie doesn't completely suck and if it hadn't been in 3-D would have been pretty cool to watch.  Sections of the movie were pretty kick ass (so few though I was surprised when something kicked ass, then by the time I had gotten over my surprise the movie went back to being crappy).  I enjoyed it more than "A bunch of spoiled English brats hanging out with anthropomorphic Jesus" and a good many other movies I've had the misfortune to watch (cough Phantom Menace cough Transformers cough Nick Cage movies).  There are a few problems that rendered The Last Airbender nearly painful at times to watch:

1. 3-D sucks.  I'm sure the slack-jawed mouth breathers who are in awe electric can openers think 3-D is real darn neat (as well as the movie going audiences who will blithely pay nine dollars to sit in a theater and text).  I will never see another movie in 3-D again because: the film was too damned dark to really take in the effects and scenery (I could have been wearing my sunglasses for chrissakes), I was forced to watch through 3D glasses awkwardly placed over my own, and 3-D is just another rehash of the old 50s ploy to get asses in the seats.  It also completely buggers the artistry in cinema, the illusion, the craft, and the talent.  You want to see 3-D, watch Blade Runner in the theater - that shit'll give you vertigo.
2. The Last Airbender supplants The Phantom Menace in my list of big budget movies with the worst dialogue and acting.  Combined with exposition and repetition to put the Underworld series to shame The Last Airbender is terrible.  The little kids in the school production of Scarface were better actors.  Fuck, any elementary school play would garnish better actors.  An elementary school adaptation of Twelve Angry Men put on by short bus and shop kids would have better actors.  At one point I think I actually laughed out loud (even as I slowly stewed about the couple giggling behind us throughout the entire movie, though some of their jokes were funny).

Those major issues aside, I have a few positives:

1. I am giving Mr. Shamalayan props for making a movie for his kids, for being shackled by trying to fit the entire first season of the series into a 120 minute movie, and I imagine he wasn't very happy about his movie being shoehorned into a 3-D format.  I actually will give his next movie a shot (if he stays away from his penchant for crappy twists and the Airbender series).  I think he might have a decent eye for large scale action and if (ever given a red-cent again) he could make a pretty kick ass chop-socky movie. 
2. Ben Cooke did an excellent job as fight coordinator.  He's primarily a stunt double (in really impressive action roles - he was Daniel Craig's stunt double in Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace for chrissakes) and part of the Raimi factory (Hercules, Xena, & Jack of All Trades).  One of the main fight sequences that used a minimal amount of elemental chicanery was a really slick fight between two guys fighting in tandem against a whole bunch of baddies.  Nice work Mr. Cooke.
3. James Newton Howard's score was pretty solid and a far sight better than many scores I've heard recently in fantasy/action movies.  I wouldn't say I'm gonna run out and buy it but someone made me a copy I wouldn't say no to it.

Don't waste your money seeing this in the theater, it's a 2-D rental, but it's not any worse than some of the cockamamie chop-socky movies I've seen where people wire work around chuck elemental blasts at one another and march of the wooden soldiers through their dialogue.

Red Dead Redemption Single player final review & initial thoughts on multiplayer.

I polished of the Single Player story a day or two ago and have to say that Red Dead Redemption might have one of the best end stories of any Rockstar game I have played.  I was actually shocked...not only at the length of the story (it just seemed to keep branching, though I have some problems that I won't address because they are spoilers and in retrospect they do play their role in the story arc) but the end and the denouement were really solid.  It took me about a day to reach 100% complete - the easiest 100% in a Rockstar game I've ever gotten.

With a fond farewell I bid adieu to Red Dead Redemption  single player and delved into multiplayer.  I am still flabbergasted that it took so long to make a Rockstar multiplayer that serves a purpose and also shocked that multiplayer is as engaging as single player.

It's not just a run around, PvP mayhem with tweens screaming (aka GTA IV multiplayer).  There's a massive amount of free roam goals and challenges.  Most of these run parallel to the single player challenges but in multiplayer they have added depth and challenge.   Many are extended and others are simply more difficult because if you try to tackle them on your own they are a pain in the ass.  Example, trying to cause trouble in a town will bring the full force of the law down upon you tout suite and trying to raise levels and get achievements solo is nigh impossible.  Example: I was going toe to toe with the Mexican army over and over again and dying over and over again.  I another player causing mayhem as well and lent my guns to his fight.  We ended up running out of ammo before we were swarmed and gunned down.

The PvP is brilliantly fast and brutal.  While I was riding the high country hunting I made the mistake of shooting first and asking questions later on a player who happened upon me.  I spent the next half hour in a running retreat/gun battle with him and his friend who kept gunning for me.  I held my own, though I have to admit I laughed my ass off when one guy was shooting the shit out of me and a bear charged out of the bushes and mauled him to death.

I'm looking forward to more Red Dead, thanks to the expansive multiplayer.  Now if only some of you folks would play so we could get a posse together and whomp the coop missions.

HYR Top Ten Favorite Live Albums...in no particular order, plus honorable mentions.

• Belafonte at Carnegie Hall (1959) - Harry Belafonte
• Nighthawks at the Diner (1975) - Tom Waits
• Stretching Out (1981) - The Skatalites
• In Case You Didn't Feel Like Showing Up (Live) (1990) - Ministry
• Live at Fulsom Prison and San Quentin - Johnny Cash
• Live at Winterland (October 10-12, 1968) - The Jimi Hendrix Experience
• Sunday at the Village Vanguard (June 25, 1961) - Bill Evans Trio
• 101 (June 18, 1988)- Depeche Mode
• The Pietasters Are Strapped Live! (1995) - The Pietasters
• I Heard They Suck Live! - NOFX
• Roseland NYC Live (1998) - Portishead

Tabasco Sweet and Spicy Pepper Sauce - Review.

I picked up a bottle of Tabasco Sweet and Spicy Pepper Sauce yesterday and tried it out this morning on my eggs.  It's very mild but has enough flavor to be interesting.  It's primarily billed as a dipping sauce and it comes out thick from the bottle - I had to fight with it a little bit. 

Yup, not bad and I will probably use it as a glaze for when more delicate palates come to visit.  I actually want to use it as a dipping sauce for apples.

Truth be told though...it's just a Tabasco over priced version of Banana Ketchup, like Jufran or UFC (I prefer UFC - it's got more kick to it).  If you're near an Asian grocery store or live in near a Wal-Mart that serves a large Asian demographic just pick up Banana Ketchup for about a buck.

Grace (2009) Dir. Paul Solet

This movie should be titled Grace: or What Not to Watch While Your Expecting. 

I had heard good things about Grace.  Creepy, gross, bizarre, and warped were common adjectives.  I had put off watching it for some reason but finally got around to watching it the other day.  Truth be told I was a little disappointed.  The reason Grace didn't really get to me is because I'm not a pregnant woman nor am I directly involved with pregnant women or babies.  Another issue I had was that Grace plays like a prequel for an established horror movie - the birth of the monster.  Finally, there's a psycho-sexual aspect to the film that seems like it would have worked better in an Asian horror film or perhaps a Cronenberg movie.

Those minor problems aside Grace is indeed creepy and has some gory moments (I looked away at one point but only because I don't like close-ups of cutting).  Jordan Ladd's portrayal of protagonist Madeline Matheson's descent into madness is pretty unnerving at times.  The supporting cast are all strong - particularly her mother-in-law Vivian (Gabrielle Rose).  Vivian is a WASP ice-bitch and her own madness is compelling to watch as well. 

Despite my lacklustre response to Grace - it is a solid piece of horror that takes the genre in a direction well away from the schlock and remakes being churned out.  Additionally the production quality was excellent and the effects were pretty effective.  There's nothing worse than attempting to watch a horror movie and it looks like it was made with an iPhone and edited by an AV hack.

Abuelita Joshua's Blackened Shrimp and Sausage Po'Boys.

Here in Nacogdoches there's a restaurant I frequent, Delacroix's.  It's a solid Soul/Cajun seafood joint that has some of the best damned fried chicken I've ever had.  After eating there with much frequency over the past two years and getting to know the people who work there and all that good stuff I figured I could throw them a curve ball and they'd make it.

My curve ball was a variation on the standard po'boy.  The po'boy normally features battered and fried seafood on a delicious roll, or traditionally roast beef on a delicious piece of french bread, there's even some places that'll do a fried & bbq sauced on a po'boy. 

Now I couldn't figure out the sense of battered and fried seafood going on a sandwich.  I love fried seafood - I'll eat anything from the ocean fried even creepy bioluminesent fishies - but the connect didn't work for me.  A sausage po'boy is good but seems to be lacking (especially when I begin to think of sausage and pepper grinders).  So my mind got to workin' and the next time I went to Delacroix's I ordered a blackened shrimp and sausage sandwich.  The waiter looked at me weird but said sure, why not.  It came out and I devoured it.  It works folks and over time I have made some variations on the one I order.  Now that I have some good rolls (and 26/30 shrimp were on sale) I have decided to make them at home and pass the results on to you fine readers.

• As always my recipes are only suggestions, if you don't like onions don't use onions, etc.  I know that sounds silly but I've heard of people not trying dishes because they don't like an ingredient.

This is only for one sandwich - 12" roll/baguette.  Granted this is an Abuelita Joshua sized sandwich, you daintier folks could make two 6" sandwiches or just halve the recipe and buy smaller rolls.

• 12 Extra Large Shrimp 26/30 - frozen or fresh...whatever...I prefer uncooked and shell on.
• Sausage - eye ball the quanity you want.  I usually go for links of smoked sausage and cut off a quite a few good sized chunks.  I loves the sausage.
• 1/2 an onion.  Sliced thin.
• 1/2 a red pepper.
• 2 tbsp butter unsalted
• 1 jalapeno (or the like) sliced thin.
• A punch of salt and pepper
• 1 tbsp of Abuelita Joshua's Favorite Spice Mix
• 2 tbsp minced garlic or shallots

Get all your prep work done.  Start heating your cast iron skillet on the range.  If you don't have a cast iron skillet then go buy one, they are cheap (Lodge skillets are awesome and less than $25).  Heat your cast iron skillet and remember to put on an oven mitt or some such thing before touch the handle.  If you forget, you'll never do that again.

Melt the butter in the pan, add minced garlic (or shallots), add sausage.  Brown the sausage, remove sausage from pan and place on a paper towel to remove excess grease.  Now sautee your onions and peppers, add Spice Mix, when the veggies are just starting to sweat toss in the shrimp (shells removed).  Return sausage to the mix.  Stir.  The shrimp should be almost done after about two minutes so take the pan off the heat and let the residual heat from the cast iron finish the job for you.  Prep your bread, put contents of pan on bread, consume.

You could also and are encouraged to toast the bread in the oven.  As far as condiments go I really don't think the sandwich needs any but I do like a remoulade now and then. 

Additionally, if you really wanted to be a bad ass you could grill the shrimp and the sausage but alas all I have is a cast iron skillet.

And there we have it.  Good cooking to you fine folks.

Red Dead Redemption: Tips and assorted fun.

Okay, I found a super simple solution to polishing off the final task of the Sharpshooter Challenge - that is disarm six opponents without switching weapons or reloading.  Activating Dead Eye automatically reloads your weapon, which is a pain in the ass. So, here are my suggestions:

1. Buy the Mauser pistol.  It has a fifteen round clip.
2. Use all of your ammo except for one clip (15 rounds).  This way there is no extra ammo to reload your weapon.
3. Go to the town of Chuparosa.  Enter the main building/jail and make your way up all the floors, in the last room you will see a ladder up to the attic.  Before you climb the ladder, open a dresser or armoire - this will get the cops on your tail.  Get up the ladder and back away so you have a clear shot/view of the top of the ladder.  Be patient the cops will chase you up to the attic.  Wait for the Federale to ascend and activate Dead Eye.  Put one round in their weapon hand and one in their noggin'.  They will keep charging up the ladder after you.  If you lose your wanted level you can run back downstairs and open another cabinet to reinstall your wanted level.  Wash rinse repeat. 
4. After almost a full gaming session of attempting this challenge using this method I completed it in about five minutes.  Tada.

Tip #2: When trying to kill a bear with a knife.  Shoot the bastard in the legs two or three times, then equip your knife and make sure you are quick with your healing tonics.

Tip #3: Buy the Buffalo Rifle as soon as you can.  It's one shot one kill capability on cougars, bears, and assorted baddies is a life saver.

Tip #4:  When being pursued by...people pursuing you...might I suggest, leave off the horse controls and focus on the shooting.  The horse keeps moving at a good clip for about as long as it takes to make work of the enemies.

Tip #4b:  Alternately, if you're a mean bastard just shoot their horse.

Other tips will follow and a "final" review of the Single Player adventure is pending.

"Down on the Upside" (1996) Soundgarden

I'm a pretty hardcore Soundgarden fan and when the weather gets warmer I tend to listen to them more often (the same with Stone Temple Pilots).  While Badmotorfinger will always have a place in my top 100 albums of the 90s, their final album Down On the Upside is the one I always return to (even when the weather is inclement).  Certainly Louder Than Love (1990) is a monster album and Superunknown is solid from Let Me Drown to Like Suicide but for my money Down is just awesome.  In some ways it reminds me of Helmet's Betty (1994) and Ministry's Filth Pig (1995) because the band departed from the regularly scheduled program.

At first listen Down is a random mix of video hits, crunch harkening back to the early days, and oddly introspective and syrupy (thanks to Ben Shepard's bass work) bong hits.  However, if you sit down or, in my case, are cooking and can play Down  at a respectable rock level - this self produced (co-produced by Adam Kasper) album works so fucking well.  There are tracks I prefer over others - I'm not a huge of Rhinosaur - but the second half is just stunning.  Kim Thayll knocks it out of the park out on his penned Never the Machine Forever (in my opinion the second track on the second side of the album).  It's a classic crunch track with lines like, "Never means forever brings everything."  Do I know what it means?  No but it makes fucking sense and sounds awesome.

I listen to Down  and think of it as a farewell, almost nostaligic, album.  I wince when I hear Audioslave or some half-assed Soundgarden knock off.  It's like seeing an old dog with rotting gums that stays near its food bowl because it's too sick and old to walk.

If you missed Down On the Upside when it came out or dismissed it when it came out, I suggest giving it a listen if only for the brilliance of Switch Opens & Overfloater.

Coming soon on HYR:  Why Filth Pig is the best Ministry album.

Rampage (2009) dir. Uwe Boll

I'm not sure what compelled me to watch Rampage.  I supposed a box cover of a heavily armored and armed man with the tagline "Vengeance is Ruthless" had a lot to do with it.  Then I saw it was directed by Uwe Boll (who I kind of love and can't understand why he gets such a bad rap from people who will sing the praises of Roger Corman, Lloyd Kaufman, and Russ Meyer).  I figured, what the hell and watched it.

If I had seen this movie when I was in my teens or early twenties I would have loved it.  My morbid fascination with the evil that men do was at its highest then.  I was a black trenchcoat wearing, borderline nutcase, totally ignorant of the garbage that was spewing out of my mouth.  Rampage would have been in my top ten favorites.  Perhaps that's the reason why I have a problem enjoying Rampage.  Then again it's not really a movie to be enjoyed.

The story revolves around Bill Williamson, a twenty-three year old loser who lives at home and his life pretty much sucks.  People treat him like shit all the time and his only friend is a fingerless glove wearing counterculturalist.  Bill goes on to commit a mass murder of insane proportions.  This is not a loveable loser.

Rampage is bloody, tough to watch, and a pretty solid movie throughout.  The best scene in the movie takes places in a Bingo hall and is so damned surreal that it borders on brilliant.  However, I have to admit that my impression of Rampage is that it is an irresponsible movie.  I know that I firmly believe that media directly causing violence is nonsense and if someone is predisposed to psychotic anti-social behavior then that person is already screwed up.  No, Rampage is irresponsible because I know nineteen year old Joshua would have taken the rants and message of the movie very seriously.  Would I have gone out and shot people?  Certainly not.  Could some nutcase take Rampage as gospel - hell some of the talk between Bill and his buddy sound like conversations I've had - and have the movie playing while he reads The Turner Diaries and loads ammo into magazines?  Yeah.

That being said, Uwe Boll made a really dark and at times extremely sharp movie.  If you have the stomach for high levels of violence and are not prone to nutcase behavior then I strongly recommend it.  If you are a nutcase then maybe you should leave the bunker and go have a Slushie.  Go to the pound and play with puppies and kittens.  Go to the park and feed the ducks.

Red Dead Redemption (2010) Rockstar San Diego. First Impressions...

Zero is being kind to Red Dead Redumption.  This game sucks.  It asinine, more repetitive than fuck all WoW step'n'fetch missions, and worst of all...boring.  The graphics are on par with Halo.  The character models look like fucktards who spent most of their fucktarded childhoods eating wall candy.  The score is supposed to be haunting yet thrilling but ends up being a half-assed Morricone farted through a harmonica and across the strings of a steel guitar.  Even a Tarantino soundtrack is more original.  While suffering through the opening sequences I just wished I was able to watch Season I of Deadwood, maybe then I might be impressed by gore and profanity.  Rockstar-whores unite!  It's another Houser piece of shit, formulaic and trite with cheap thrills and misogyny, fumbling to stand on the shoulders of brilliant pop culture.  Oh look!  In this bizarro version of Back to the Future III I can pistol whip a whore!

Wait, what?

Apologies, I was briefly afflicted with teh stoopid.

RDD is pretty darned awesome.  I'm sure I'll change my tune once the bloom is off the rose but for now I'm really enjoying my time in Rockstar San Diego's bizarro-early Twentieth Century Western.  RDD takes place roughly in the first decade of the 1900s and watching the encroachment of technology on the Old West trope is awesome (it reminds me of The Wild Bunch quite a bit).  Here's a brief rundown of my thoughts in the first ten hours of game play:

The Good:

• This may sound insane but I haven't seen empty vistas look so damn gorgeous.  Whatever shaolin programming Rockstar San Diego pulled off, well color me impressed.  The simple fact that the landscape rolls on uninterrupted in some cases is impressed.  Last night I came down from riding the high country as the sun was setting in the West.  As I headed in the direction of town I realized that, although the town of Armadillo was still a great distance away I could see lights coming on, the thick plume of smoke of the train rolling into town, and very faintly I could hear the train's whistle on the air.  I really wanted to do a screen capture just because it was so damn pretty.
• RDD rewards exploration quite a bit (though there is touch of...well I'll get to it in a bit) and I unlocked some treasure hunter missions last night.  As we all know - I love treasure hunting and exploration (it might be one of my favortie aspects of gaming) - and attempting to hunt across the wilderness trying to match land formations to a treasure map makes me happy.  Now I just need to find that tree with the cow skull nailed to it.
• Oddly enough I spent a few hours yesterday playing Texas Hold 'Em and horseshoes.  I was caught cheating and fought some duels.
• The score is now on my must buy list.  Sure it's sparse harmonica and steel guitar and when action kicks in there's some gripping bass but I happen to like Western music.
• Rockstar quality writing as apr for course but for some reason, I'm actually worried about what's gonna happen to the characters.  I have an impending sense of doom.
• Leaping from a horse to a moving train is awesome.
• I had a very upsetting moment last night when roaming.  I hear a man crying and went to investigate.  He was kneeling next to the corpse of a woman and sobbing, then he shot himself.  I wish I had been quick enough to save him.
• Other weird and creepy moments involved: returning a wife to her husband (I had the choice of either letting her leave, talking to her, or simply hogtying her.  I hogtied her and carried her back), dealing with cannibals, and assorted lunatics out in the wilderness.
• Hilarious moments: some drunk staggers out of the back of the saloon and proceeds to piss on the side of the outhouse, after beating a verbally abusive shit kicker at horse shoes I walk away only to hear him say "Hey friend, can I interest you in a game of horseshoes?", driving a four horse team stagecoach cross country through the desert and nose diving into an arroyo, shooting a bandit in the leg only to hear him exclaim "What the Hell didja do that fer?!?", and while trying to lasso a horse I was yanked ass over tea kettle into a fence post.

The Bad:

• Even with the tutorials on I have been unable (or am still am confused) about how to do some things in game.  I realize practice makes perfect but I think I need to check some online tutorials - especially concerning duelling.
• Cougars, mountain lions, whatever the hell they are called, are dicks.  They kill the shit out of me on a regular basis.  Even when I'm trying to pay attention to my surroundings sometimes the bastards just fly out of the ground, knock me off my horse, kill the horse and whale the tar out of me before I can do anything.  Once I was hunting boar and not only did the boar charge me but two freaking mountain lions came tearing out of the brush.  Jerks.
• Repetition of non-story based dialogue is a problem in all video games and RDD is no exception.  While playing poker I wanted to shoot the other players not for winning but saying the same six lines over and over again.
• While I am playing a "good" guy, doing the honorable thing and helpin folks, these lazy NPCs come out of the woodwork sometimes.  I don't mind and in fact I enjoy it however when I'm about to fight a duel don't ask me to save your x,y,z.  "Can't you people see that there are guns here?"  Other times I am amazed at how many people are wandering around the emptiness either being mauled by animals (and need saving) and getting their shit stolen. 
• Zero Punctuation is correct about the stupid WoW-ish step'n'fetch missions - particularly while hunting.  "Get me six boar tusks."  Stupid game, get your own damn boar tusks.  Or...if you want me to get boar tusks then at least have them show up with a frequency that mirrors the hordes of wolves and cougars roaming the country side.
• C'mon Rockstar!  I can't swim?!?  Are you kidding me?
• There's no way to skip the skinning cut scene.  Boo.
• While attempting to rescue someone from bandits:  I untied the victim, who promptly brandished iron and charged into the teeth of the enemy and got shot to pieces.  Hey moron, don't warn me about the danger then charge into it.  Leroy Jenkins rides again.

The Ugly (and forgivable):

• Yes, there are some twitches in the physics and some bugs.  Are they game breakers?  Not in the least.  Sure, it's confusing to see the top of a horse floating in the middle of the street but it's not my horse so screw it.
• Speaking of horses I like the horses in RDD...however "summoning" your horse with a sharp whistle sometimes is frustrating.  Once I was out hunting and needed to go back to town so I whistled for the horse.  I don't know where that damnable critter wandered off to but by the time it showed up I was busy becoming cougar chow.
• Like I said before, I'm playing a good guy but every so often a malevolent urge will come over me.  I really want to figure how to lasso and drag someone behind my horse.  While attempting to rescue a citizen being mauled by coyotes I accidently shot him first...oops...then I looted his corpse.  A woman had her wagon stolen so I took off after the thief.  In order to slow him down I shot one of the horses drawing the wagon.  I "accidentally" set a room and its occupants on fire by shooting the oil lamp.  My bad!  Also, walking into the vault of a bank makes people angry.  Cry babies.

I am looking forward to getting back to the game.  I need to collect up my Spaghetti Western scores although I might just turn off the music and see what the game is like with just ambient noise.

Iron Man 2 (2010) Dir. Jon Favreau

I'm not sure what to say about Iron Man 2.  It's not as good as the first one but it has elements I enjoyed.  Mickey Rourke steals the movie for me, Scarlet Johanssen is not only pretty but has some kick-ass action sequences, Tony Stark's an asshole and Downey, Jr plays it up perfectly.  Shit blows up, there are more teases for The Avengers movie.  I still think Samuel L Jackson is a terrible choice as Nick Fury.  More shit blows up.  Tony Stark acts like an asshole.  There's way too much AC/DC involved.  There's a couple of moments I got bored and noticed mistakes and simply thought about the reality of superheroes - example insurance premiums have to be insane if you live in New York or Metropolis...Iron Man blew my car up!  I'm sorry, your deductible doesn't cover that.

Meh, it was a fun popcorn movie and a nice escape from reality for a few hours.  Personally, I'm geared up for Jonah Hex.

The Move...aka Das Boot on Dryland. Part I.

As some of you fine folks may know, I hate moving with a passion and vitriol I usually have reserved for: "the bookstore that shall not be named", white supremacists, and jam bands.  Moving is the paragon of Murphy's Law.  It also takes such a toll on my body and spirit that I often am filled with the desire to burn everything I own and run half naked down the street, screaming in tongues. 

One of the major hurdles so far has been the clusterfuck that has been dealing with Advanced Apartment Movers (1-800-580-1183).  These guys are the reason we are a day behind schedule.  Apparently this company is "famous" for leaving people high and dry.  On the 25th they were scheduled to be at the apartment between 2 & 3pm.  Okay.  4pm.  I called, "Yeah, we're running behind schedule.  A move has taken longer than we scheduled.  We'll be there ASAP." 5pm...6pm...no word.  I call again, "Yeah, I haven't heard from my crew, they should have been there by now.  Let me get in contact with them and I'll get back to you."  7pm.  I haven't had contact from Wayne (the guy I've been on the horn with all day) or the movers.  I call again.  Wayne - "I don't know where my crew is.  They haven't answered their phone.  I'll contact you as soon as I hear anything."

Now, I'm a nice person and trying to be understanding, so I'm like yeah, yeah, okay, no worries, these things happen...even though I've been eating fucking Tums all day.  8pm, I call Wayne again and tell him, "Listen, let's just call it a day.  I need the movers here first thing in the morning."  No problem, movers will there in the morning.  Fine.  Amanda and I go get sushi and watching Iron Man 2.

9am 05/27/10.  No word from Wayne or movers.  Call, leave message.  9:30am, no word, call leave message and say I'm taking my business elsewhere.  Frantically call around...and contact Nacogdoches Moving & Hauling (936-552-4616).  I give Gary, the owner, the lowdown and he automatically knows that Advanced Apt left me high and dry.  He loves them because thanks to their shitty service he gets a lot of business.  Gary says he can have a crew out by the afternoon, no problem.  When they were running a little late, Gary called and told me that they were running late and would be there at 4pm.  Bam, 4pm they are there.  Those folks were lifesavers (as well as Amanda who was in charge at the old place while I got things squared away at the new place).  They were moving machines, even though they had been busting ass all day in the Texas heat.  Gary called later to check on how everything had gone and to offer some advice on getting Amanda moved. 

Live and learn, right?  The next time I have to move (which will not be for years, knock on wood) I am calling Gary and his crew.  I whole-heartedly recommend doing the same.

Amusing asides from the moving events:

• 2pm 05/27 - while napping most heartily I am woken up by the phone.  It's fucking Wayne with Advanced.  He says that his crew is in Nac and do I still need movers?  I was so sleep-funked and confused that I couldn't even really respond past, "No."  I'm calling the Better Business Bureau when I get settled.
• Note for moving in Texas heat (I'm doing this next time):  buy a case of water and put it in the fridge well in advance.  The movers and your own body will thank you.
• Amanda said Moxie was in the carrier on the bed and was thrashing around and rolled the carrier (and herself) over the edge of the bed.  Moxie is smrt.

That's all for now.

Quite clearly he has gone insane.

In a frenzy of grinding, mashing, and controlled flailing a new spice mix has been created.  Granted, this is just the foundation.  By my estimate there will be about twenty spices and chiles in the final product.

We shall see, I found a great place to order from: http://www.myspicesage.com/ .  It looks like a good site and is very user friendly and reasonably priced.

Idle thoughts about religion.

Had a visitor come in today, nice guy, looked around and before he left he handed me a Jack Chick comic and said, "Have a bless'd day" and I replied, with no sarcasm, "Hey, God bless you too."  He said that I was lucky to work in such a nice museum and I agreed.  Very pleasant interaction.

So, while I was eating my potato salad I read "This was your life!" - the Jack Chick comic - and thought, "Huh, this has some interesting stuff in it."  Now before some of you start jumping up and down, I take my interpretations of Scripture with the grain of salt I take everything else in life.  If/when people ask me my religious beliefs I reply, "Agnostic Christian, polytheist, animist, with Hare Krisna leanings."  I like to hedge my bets.

I figure though if someone is nice enough to wish their God's blessing upon me then I should be graceful enough to say thank you.  Now if someone tells me I'm gonna burn if I don't toe their line then they can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.  I think that's part of the reason I like the Krisna's so much.  They're pretty chill.  Plus I love the vague look of amused confusion they get when I say "hare krinsa".  One time I donated five bucks to a Krisna and we got in the world's politest argument.  He wanted me to take a copy of the Bhagvada Gita, I said I have a copy, consider my donation strings free, and back and forth.  If I had the money I would have donated another five bucks just to make him take my five bucks.

Meh, idle thoughts.

p.s. If you laugh at me for being an animist think about the last time you yelled/pleaded/coaxed your automobile into doing your will.

Out damned spot! or adventures in choosing a washing machine.

I know, I know...I never post and then I crank out a bunch that could be one uber-post.  Well, tough.

Once upon a time I used to joke (and still probably do, since I tend to repeat jokes sixty million times) that the American Dream for my generation was reduced to not having to go to a laundromat.

So my new apartment will have connections for a stackable washer/dryer thingy.  I started poking around on the internet, like ya do.  I saw some stacked units (huh huh huh) on bestbuy.com for over a thousand bucks.  Are you fucking kidding me?  For this you want a thousand dollars?  Feh.

Then I was curious what washer/dryer combos ran for.  Aha!  I saw the Haier HWD1000 Combo Ventless Washer and Dryer - White for closer to $500.  I'm actually very tempted to purchase one of these bad boys, considering the large number of good reviews it has received.  However, I am leery of "combo" items (like a vcr/dvd player or a crib/deep fryer).  When one thing breaks the whole machine is fuct.

So then I was thinking, hey what about just a washer?  I can hang my knickers off the balcony to dry.  Then I got to searching for portable washers.  "Perfect for boats, RVs, and small apartments!"  Well, shit, that sounds okay for my needs.  I found the Haier 1-Cubic Foot Portable Washing Machine.  It looks might it might work pretty well.  It's not like I'm going to be washing sixteen towels or anything drastic.  Hell if I need to there's an on-site laundry at the complex.

Again, if anyone has suggestions/comments/or ideas, I'd be glad to hear them.

Is it curtains for our intrepid hero?

I wanted to run with a bunch of continual puns a la "classic" Batman but couldn't make it happen.

Another peculiar aspect of moving is the thought of curtains.  Now I'm as comfortable with my domestic side as any 21st Century civilized man (hell before this DIY craze, most of the women I knew couldn't cook, clean, or sew for shit) but the idea of curtains is pretty Martian. 

I think part of my enmity towards drapery is having to hang the bastards up.  I also get confused by the multi-layered curtains - that gauzy stuff.  While the voices in my head tell me to put black trash bags over the windows or tin foil or simply spray paint the window panes I realize that might not be...well, very nice to look at all.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna go all Laura Ashley or Patrick Bateman.  Any readers have any ideas or suggestions?

Maybe I'll just nail up random pieces of lumber a la zombie invasion...hmmm...post-apocalyptic chic...

Thoughts on moving. Part 1.

It's kind of peculiar packing everything.  I think you folks might know what I mean.  There you are, dusting things that haven't been dusted in years, digging through accumulated paperwork and assorted crap.  You ask yourself, "Why do I have take-out menus from that crappy Chinese restaurant I used to go to five years ago?  Is that place even still open?"  Sifting through the detritus suddenly becomes an archaeological effort.  In the back of a closet you find a box, still taped shut from the last two moves marked "Misc. Crap",  part of you wants to open that box and rummage around - you have no clue what could be in there.  However, the greater part of you, covered in sweaty dust and harboring a mild hatred of all this shit you lug around, realizes that whatever is in that "Misc Crap" box can stay sealed. 

Then you start playing a peculiar mental game - what can I box and what do I need in the meantime?  If you are particularly nutty you can pretend the Soviets are invading and you're only grabbing the essential items.  Apparently when the Soviets invade I will keep out the director's cuts of The Lord of the Rings so I have something to watch while hiding in the wilderness. 

I've been putting off the kitchen and clothing.  84.26% of all other belongings are tidily boxed away but I've been pussy-footing around the clothes and kitchen.  I pulled out all the fancy dish packing material from the last move and placed it in the "moving staging area" of the living room.  Boxes are waiting.  And...1,2,3 go!  Or not.  I love packing books, cds, vinyl, etc., etc. but the kitchen just pisses me off to no end.  I end up wishing I had a clay pigeon launcher with which to catapult plates and dishes off the balcony or at the old bitch who makes shit smell face when she sees me.  I'm seriously considering only taking my cast-iron skillet, my Le Cruset, the rice pan, my pasta pot, my knives, silverware, my Indiana Jones glasses, my dinosaur bowl, Pyrex, and one or two other items and the rest can go.  Then I will buy shit that matches.

One of the most startling things I've realized is that for the first time I've been looking at my belongings with a critical eye.  I am most certainly going to keep my classic movie posters but I don't want to put them up unless they are framed.  I also think I will drift away from the "wall of crap" decorating style.  Plus if I only put up framed items, price limitations will be a pain in the groin.  I've found a few sites for awesome frames
(poster and comic).  Frameitagainsam.com has some sharp looking multi-comic frames I might pick up for my Punisher, Nick Fury, and Sgt. Rock favorites.  Rockartpictureshow.com has both vinyl and comic frames, plus I like the cut of the guy's jib so I might have to order from him, pus his prices are competitive.  The poster frames are gonna be a hassle because my three original posters (The Taking of Pelham One, Two, Three, The French Connection, and Dark of the Sun) are larger than modern posters (otherwise I could just go to walmart and pick up some cheapy frames.  Dear Santa, I have been better than I have been in last years...mostly...will you please send me poster frames.

More news to follow.  Wish me luck.

Absolutely brilliant.

see more Funny Graphs

Tinkering with builds...suggestions welcome.

Well, since I hit 80 I realized I needed to switch my builds around (fortunately I have dual spec).  I also spent a good chunk of time last night remapping my controller and keyboard.  Hopefully I can remember what I mapped where (HINT: Don't remap your keyboard when drunk).  The only downside to this build is I am going to have to practice my moobs off.  It would probably help if I had some macros too.

Here's my 31/6/34...I'm still tinkering (35/2/34).  I also have my favorite 51/13/7 but I don't think that'll hold up in PvP.  I'll try it, who knows...

Affliction Talents - 31 point(s)

• Improved Corruption - Rank 5/5
• Improved Drain Soul - Rank 2/2
• Improved Life Tap - Rank 2/2
• Soul Siphon - Rank 2/2
• Improved Fear - Rank 2/2
• Fel Concentration - Rank 2/3
• Nightfall - Rank 2/2
• Empowered Corruption - Rank 3/3
• Shadow Embrace - Rank 5/5
• Siphon Life - Rank 1/1
• Shadow Mastery - Rank 5/5 

Demonology Talents - 6 point(s)

• Improved Healthstone - Rank 2/2
• Improved Imp - Rank 1/3
• Demonic Embrace - Rank 3/3

Destruction Talents - 34 point(s)

• Improved Shadow Bolt - Rank 5/5
• Aftermath - Rank 2/2
• Molten Skin - Rank 3/3
• Cataclysm - Rank 3/3
• Ruin - Rank 3/5
• Intensity - Rank 2/2
• Destructive Reach - Rank 2/2
• Backlash - Rank 3/3
• Improved Immolate - Rank 3/3
• Emberstorm - Rank 4/5
• Conflagrate - Rank 1/1
• Soul Leech - Rank 3/3

Major Glyphs:

• Glyph of Quick Decay
• Glyph of Conflagrate
• Glyph of Corruption

Something awesomer than WoW.

I was going to start this post about how I reached level 80 with Scoville in WoW, however...

Fallout: New Vegas is scheduled for Fall 2010.  Warcraft?  What Warcraft?  On one hand I hope I can import characters but on the other I'd love to start a new one, especially if they have new skill trees.  I thought kolaches made my day...this really makes my day.

Yes I love Lady Gaga and for one simple reason...

Waaaaaaaaaaay back, in 1985, when I wasn't even ten, but Madonna was top of the pops, you couldn't punch a radio preset (if you had one) in the low 90s without hearing Madonna in a sixty-minutes of rock without commercial interruption.  So, I imprinted on Madonna.  Part of the reason I still go to clubs where men dance with men is because you can hear Madonna at club loud levels. 





Lady Gaga has a 21st Century spin that I love.  Yes, I think I am saying that she might be...no I'm not.  No one will be the new Madonna.  However I love Lady Gaga, the songs, the image, and just the "I'm a freak bitch, baby" value. 




And then there is this monster.  Which, kind of is...

Apocalypse Meow...updated...

Back in the early 00s, when I still read manga (primarily because I was ordering all of it for the manga section of B&N 2853)  I brought in Apocalypse Meow, a brilliant manga series (written and drawn) by Motofumi Kobayashi.  It was an anthropomorphic Vietnam comic.  The illustrations are crisp and the stories heartbreaking.  Now maybe I've been too long out the loop but seeing Cat Shit One as...modernized...makes perfect sense and Lord knows I've been waiting for an anime like this...but...

I wish that Catshit One aka Apocalypse Meow was still set during Vietnam.  There was a peculiar mixture of: classic American Vietnam movie archetypes, deep grounding in historical context, and Motofumi's brilliant characterizations. 

That being said, I can't wait to get my paws on Cat Shit One.

p.s.  Motofumi also did a series called Dog Shit One which is not anthropomorphic and brilliant.

p.p.s. Pick up Motofumi's Apocalypse Meow not just for the manga but the rich historical notes.  Vol 1 has a glossary and in-depth annotation re: weapons of the USA, SVA, and NVA.  Later volumes contain notes about the politcial plays going on outside the region. Plus the Chinese advisors are Pandas.

WoW News: Starting a new guild on Fizzcrank.

Unfortunately Followers of Eli (the guild I have been a member of ) is dissolving.  This is a drag but it is what it is.  So, in a fit of madness I am starting up a guild.  The name will be Hooligan Youth United.  Here's the rundown of what I'm thinking:

• The name Hooligan Youth United doesn't have anything to do with age, race, or gender.  The concept is simple - punk rockers, rude boys & girls, SHARPs, goths, rivetheads, hard-rockers, and assorted folks outside the social norm.  You don't need to be a member of any of those groups currently.  Hell, I'm not a youth by any means these days and I've gone pretty square.
• A social/casual/levelling/learning the ins & outs of the game guild based around standard rules of Mr. Rogers.  Don't make Mr. Rogers sad.
• I'm not going to be spamming for charter signatures, I have three right now and will be trying to hustle for more.  What with finals and moving perhaps this isn't the smartest time to do this but I figure if there's no rush.  We can have folks who are worth having in a crew and not space-monkeys interested in hand-outs.
• When all is said and done, Hooligan Youth United will not be a baby-sitting service or a soup-kitchen or a gold-teat to help you get a new ride.
• Any suggestions, ideas, questions, comments are welcome and appreciated.

So yeah, there we go.  Anyone interested?  I will be lurking around Fizzcrank most evenings so drop me a line.

p.s. This is an Alliance guild.

p.p.s. Here are the potential tabards:

Cogs!

Hooray Beer!

KMFDM, the way I remember them:

These tracks kill facists.

I'm not particularly feeling...well. So here's a bit of rage.

In non-review, non-food related - life of Joshua news:

Just a personal update:

In case you haven't heard or haven't been told for one reason or another: Amanda is moving to "The Peach State" a.k.a. Georgia (yes the state not our cat) for Grad school.  I am going to finish out my undergrad here in the Great State of Texas because I like SFASU.  That means things are gonna be a bit crazy for the two months for us. 

My phone number and electronic contact information will stay the same so if you need to get ahold of me you know where I am.  I will be moving into my new apartment with Moxie the last week in May and will send out my new address ASAP, which - knowing me will be 2031. 

To shred or not to shred:

I don't know about you folks but I think about spicy pork a lot.  Pioneer Woman Cooks has a good recipe.  This one seems a little...white bread.  The foundation of mine came from Robert Rodriguez's Ten Minute Cooking School.  Over the years it has changed and developed based on the factors of: what I have on hand, what new spices I have burning a hole in my pocket, whether the wind is Southerly, and my sobriety.

There has been one change I have maintained though, my pork isn't shredded or pulled or left in chunks or rough chopped.  I cut the pork into cubes initially and then let everything cook until it becomes almost the consistency of dense, chunky chili. 

Now before you get all uppity, I love pulled pork more than I love ham, and I fucking love ham.  If there's one major problem I have with the great state of Texas it is that they are not real hip to the swine.  That being said, I am also a sauce man (preferably on the side in the case of pulled pork) and simply adroitly drizzling some au jus over the pulled or shredded pork with pinkie extended just doesn't hack it for me.  No sir.  While it may look prettier plated and food pron atmosphered, with Giata cooing over it I think that's a crime. 

For me pulled pork is mayhem food, an orgy of feeding during which I use my arm to wipe my mouth and I get sauce in my nose (See also: Joshua and the Destruction of the Crawfish, Joshua Attacks a Giant Pile of Crabs, and Joshua Nearly Bites Off a Finger While Eating Ribs, Vol 2).

In order to really get that melding of meat and sauce I believe that whatever method you use to cook your pork, return it to the pot after chopping, slicing, dicing, pulling, or shredding.  Get every damn drop of goodness mixed in with the meat (the dregs of it can be mopped up with bread).

This is my favorite stage because all the chunks can be mushed with a wooden spoon to varying degrees.  Lower the heat even more, go have another beer (or two), smoke some smokes, and voila.  This is also the stage I make my sides - usually rice.

I prefer my method over plain old shredding because no matter what the shredded always kind of end up dry and brittle or gloppy and flacid.  Plus it loses something from the pot, don't get me wrong it's still swine and I'll still eat it.  I'll just take my portion back to the kitchen and throw it in the pot goo. 

p.s.

Enough with the cumin.  No mas.  It makes everything taste like generic Mexican food.

Chile stuff.

So for the upcoming Phi Alpha Theta potluck I plan to make spicy pork.  Though I may not make it as infernal as might for others I do plan to bring a bottle of bhut jolokia vinegar.

I still have a whole bunch of ghost chiles just sitting around, menacing everything else in my spice cabinet.  I figure it's time to put them to good use.  Ghost chile vinegar to give the spicy pork an extra kick.  nom.

A reflection on Easter and a declaration of moritorium on "Zombie Jesus".

I usually don't spout off about religion on HYR but a conversation me and the missus had this morning has me thinking.

To begin with I am declaring a moritoium on the phrase "Zombie Jesus".  It's not cute, it's not original, and it's about as pithy as any other trite hipster t-shirt logo.  It's not simply a matter of a dose sacreligious smirking, it's rather rude. 

The underlying reason that "Zombie Jesus" irks me is because it to me that the term is (often) used by people who purport the practice of religious tolerance.  You can't pick and choose what you're tolerant of.

I guess this all might sound a bit weird coming from me who has about as twisted, inappropriate, sacreligious, and filthy senses of humor as they come but for some reason this made me get on my soap box.

Personally I'm your standard late 20th Century grab-bag of religious beliefs kind of guy, an amalgamation of: Protestantism, Buddhism, animism, and a good bit of folksy superstition thrown in.  I have interests in religions around the world, etc, etc, etc. 

I'm not sure if I really understand Easter completely.  Yes, I know the story of Easter and the gross commercialism involved and qua qua qua but it seems like such a morbid holiday.  Come to think of it Christianity is pretty morbid, what with all the martyr worship.  I think I am missing a piece of the story so if anyone feels like explaining you're more than welcome to. 

In any case, Happy Easter no matter how you feel about the holiday.  Eat some candy, hug your kids, have something good to eat but please, stop saying "Zombie Jesus".  Now if you absolutely have to call someone a zombie call Lazarus a zombie.

GameCrush - PlayDates? - Camming for gamers?

I saw mention of a new social networking site aimed directly at gamers and thought, "that's cool".  Then I read a bit more and thought, "Is it like match.com but for gamers?  What a sausagefest."  Then I read more and it's actually a site where you pay for a "PlayDate" ($6.60 USD for ten minutes) with someone...so...it's a...?

"SAN FRANCISCO – March 23, 2010 GameCrush, now available in public beta, introduces an entirely new interactive social gaming experience allowing gamers to meet, match and pay to play online games with other users (PlayDates). GameCrush is the only online service that allows gamers to choose a companion to spice up their favorite online games. Both Players and PlayDates define the experience they want- either “flirty” or “dirty”, choosing from some of the most popular console titles and casual web-based games. To register for free, visit www.gamecrush.com."

So, it's a thinly veiled cam site?  Brilliant, I wish I had thought of this years ago.  However, there's something that sticks in my craw about the operation.  While I would join a facebook for gamers there's just something...I can't put my finger on it.  There's something rotten in Denmark. 

Now I'm not opposed to anyone flouncing their goodies for good old American dollars (or Euros or yen) for an ultimately empty act of voyuerism.  Maybe I just prefer a separation of gaming and smut (a la church and state) and there's an extra touch of sadness to gaming/cam, sort of like calling a 1-900 just to have someone to talk to or hiring a hooker to play MarioCart with.

Discover Simple, Private Sharing at Drop.io

HYR Cooks...impending recipes of madness?

As many of you fine folks may know I have dipped my toe into the waters of North African spices and condiments (ras al hanout, harissa, etc) but I might be one verge of attempting to try my hand at some dishes.  I was poking around and saw tajine; a cooking device that lends it's name to the dish(es).  Basically a variation on the ubitquitous dutch oven/slow cooker using a melange of spices and good stuff along with any number of variations of meat, veg, starches, etc.  So...it's North African stew?  Sign me up, though I might be more inclined toward chicken than lamb but it's been years since I've had lamb so...tastes change right?

Here's a recipe from Paula Wolfert for Tunisian Egg and Parsley Tagine that sounds brilliant.

Dead Snow (2009) Dir. Tommy Wirkola

Dead Snow is a Norwegian movie that had fallen off my radar until about a week ago when a friend and I were looking up zombie movies - rather I was looking up zombie movies with Nazis in them.  It has a good amout of humor in it and a solid amount of gore.  It wasn't a great movie but the production quality was top notch, the acting was solid, and by in large Dead Snow was far superior to a lot of the undead crap I've seen lately.  Certainly worth watching but not quite as good as The Bunker.

Add:

Calling Dead Snow a "zombie" movie is somewhat incorrect.  The baddies are more along the lines of revenants a la "The Fog" or any movie with vengeful spirits than shambling wormfarms.

In other news:

Hooligan Youth Reviews is almost up to 16,000 views since going live on 02/15/07 and just shy of 600 posts.  Thank you to everyone who reads, checks on, or links to HYR.  I may just be another crackpot on the internet but I'm your crackpot on the internet.

Thanks to Warcrack I am woefully behind on any other game releases.  Of course I haven't even touched my 360 console in weeks.  Hopefully in the next few months I'll be caught up and will be able to write some more of the reviews you have come to love (like a one-eyed three legged dog).

My cooking has pretty much gone to crap lately.  Again, in the next few months I hope to remedy this.

Any questions, ideas, advice, assorted goodness?  Well let me know.

Thanks again folks, like the Nanny says:

Thirty days of Warcraft, Spring Break marathon, and hopefully a return to regularly scheduled programming.

So I blew past the thirty day marker on Warcraft this week.  It was Spring Break/hide from the world and wear jammies week as well.  Here a few observations:

1. Warcraft was designed by diabolical masterminds who have in their employ people who worked on government mind control projects and the people who invented crack.  Of course I joke but this is a game that has an addiction level like no other I've played.  Perhaps the addiction level is the same but there's no end in sight, there's always just one more x,y, or z.  Warcraft's reward system is brilliantly designed.  Each goal is tantalizingly out of reach but ultimately completing the goal is empty because here's the next carrot.
2. Warcraft has been a welcome escape from my personal life.  While this is not the appropriate forum or time for such a discussion, let me just say it hasn't been a sun-warmed basket of fluffy kittens.  People on Warcraft are, on the whole a fairly nice bunch, and thanks to the blessed anonymity of the Internet and a "toon" ("toon" is the in-game term for your...sigh...avatar), it is fairly easy to get along with people.  Plus the ability to simply block having to listen to any dipshits from chat avec "ignore" is a blessing.  I also have also found that I am a fairly humourous individual and oddly enough play well with others as long as they aren't being pricks, trolls, gloryhounds, or SHOUTERS (a.k.a. people who type in all caps).  I do have a tendency to be kind of a jerk about there, their, and they're and appropriate usages.  Once I simply refused to understand what someone was saying because of their grammar.  Childish I know but I think I was drunk.  Probably was times being what they are and things being what they are.
3. I think I should have gone with an RP (role playing) server instead of a PvE (Player v environment) server.  While I wouldn't go all Ye Olde Renn Fairre Forsoothing, it would be kind of fun to do some good old fashioned role-playing d20 style.
4. My new personal favorite dungeon quip, "Are they bringing pancakes?"  in reference to being alerted to the presence of something big and hurty.  The best reply I've gotten is, "Yes, but you have to beat the pancakes out of them." followed by a conversation about what type of syrup the monsters bleed.
5. I managed to beat my goal for Spring Break of passing level 50 (as of last night I was up to level 52 or 53).  Now I'm staring down the barrel of 60.  Bastards.
6. Followers of Eli are an awesome guild though sometimes I wonder when people sleep.

And there's more but mostly in-game quibbles that I won't go into.  Will I keep playing for another month?  Probably, but will I be a long range player?  I dunno, I guess that remains to be seen.  Until then, if you're on Fizzcrank look me up: my main is Scoville and my alts are Bessler and Capsaicin.